Sweet Love

Moving On

       It has been weeks since the miscarriage but my stomach only gets bigger and I don't know why, Chris and I relationship has been rocky since his death. He barely looks at me or touches me, he says he doesn't blame me but I know he does. I am standing in the bathroom after vomiting, it's like morning sickness. Dr. Mikael says it will take a few months before my body realizes I'm not pregnant anymore, I brush my teeth before heading out into the bedroom peeling off my shirt seeing my protruding and hard stomach. I place my hands on it when Chris walks in, "hey" I say. "Hi" he says, I walk over to him kissing his lips but he doesn't kiss back. "Chris what's wrong do I disgust you" I ask, "no just drop it. I have a lot going on" he says pulling off his shirt heading towards the bathroom but I grab his arm, "stop shutting me out" I say. He growls looking at me, "you took away the one thing I loved most in this world. You haven't cried one tear in weeks and you make me the bad guy, I can't do this. Every time I see you it makes me sick not because I don't love you but because I'm angry and mad at you. You stunt around like you're still pregnant and act all happy well newsflash you're not. I can't do this anymore" he says, tears fall down my face at his harsh words. I look at the ring on my finger sliding it off before placing it on the bed, I walk pass him throwing my clothes in my suitcase before handing him the house key.

         I grab my shirt pulling it back on before taking hold of my suitcase and leaving, I get in my car and drive not stopping for anything. I get to Keri's house and get out knocking on the door, "what's wrong" she asks me. "Chris and I broke up" I say, she hugs me and I cry on her shoulder. She leads me into the house and closes the door, "I knew he blamed me but his words just hurt so much" I say wiping off my cheeks. "I can't believe this is all happening only three weeks after the lost" she says, "can I just stay here for tonight there's a flight tomorrow morning to Joliet. I'm going back home to my family" I say, "damn I can't believe things have gotten this bad" she says. "Me neither" I say getting up heading upstairs to the guest room lying down in bed closing my eyes, I open my eyes when my phone rings and looks at the screen to see it's Chris but I ignore it. I get out of bed to get a glass of water when my legs get wet and look to see my pants are soaked, "oh no" I say rushing to Keri's room knocking on the door. She opens the door tired, "what's up. You pee on yourself" she asks, "no I think my water just broke and I need to go the hospital now" I say when this pain slides up my back. I cry out gripping the wall, "alright let me get dressed and I'll take you" she says. After she gets dressed we hop in my car and she drives me to the hospital, we walk in and she helps me over to the desk. "I need help my friend is in labor" she says, "what's her name" the nurse asks. "Look nurse..my stomach feels like it's being ripped in half you will get me to a damn doctor or so help me" I was cut off by another contraction and I groan balling my fist up, "alright let's get you a wheel chair" she says calling over someone. "I apologize for her rudeness" Keri says as I am wheeled off towards my room.

       An hour later I am sitting in my bed watching The Game while Keri is asleep in the chair beside my bed, there is a knock at the door and Dr. Mikael walks in. "Hello again" she says, "hi um do you have any pie" I ask. She laughs shaking her head, "JaLiysa you're not in labor it was just a little leak from the baby pressing down too hard and those were braxton hicks cotractions you get them around your fifth month so you are fine" she says. "Wait...baby" I ask, "yes after your miscarriage we looked over your ultrasound pictures wondering why you were big at four months and we noticed two babies in the picture" she says. "I was having twins" I say, "yes and this one is a girl" she says. I smile looking down running my hands over my stomach, "my sweet little baby" I say. "But since this did happen you are on bed rest until you go into labor" she says, "well that sucks" I say when Keri wakes up. "I'll explain later when can I go home" I say, "now you just need to sign the discharge papers" she says. As we are leaving the hospital I see Chris and Trey leaning against my car, "what are you guys doing here" I ask. "I called him and told him what happened" Keri says, "thanks but he hurt me enough and I need to rest or my daughter will be born early" I say walking around them to get in when Chris takes my hand turning me around to face him. "We need to talk" he says, "no we don't. You go back to your home I'm going to go to Keri's" I say, "home is where you are" he says. "Nigga don't be quoting my songs" Trey says, Chris looks at him. "Really" he says, "what you know that's from Be Where You Are off of Ready" Trey says making me laugh. Chris turns back to me, "I missed your laugh" he says and I frown. "Well you decided you didn't want to be with me" I say, "no you left" he says. "After you decided you hated the sight of me" I growl, "you really think I meant that" he asks.

          "Sounded like you did. You blamed me for our son's death and that was what made me leave, I never thought you could hurt me that bad" I say tears filling my eyes, he reaches up wiping the stray one that falls down my cheeks. "Baby I am so sorry you have no idea how bad I felt after you left I tried calling you but I guess you ignored it. I don't want to lose you or our daughter because of my stupid mistake" he says placing his hand on my stomach and I look up at him; "how do I know I can trust you" I ask. "You listen to your heart because I love you and I am sorry" he says, "sorry doesn't fix everything. Sorry doesn't fix a broken heart it doesn't help the nagging in my mind that says I am to blame for his death which was never there until you said it. I don't know" I say wrapping my arms around myself as it gets cold, Chris walks over opening the door helping me in. I see him talking to Keri and Trey before climbing in the driver's side, "what are you doing" I ask. "I'm not going to keep asking you for forgiveness and begging if you want to live with Keri fine. I'm taking you home to pack the rest of your things" he says, I look at him kind of sad he isn't fighting for us. When we pull up outside the house he climbs out pulling his hood over his head before helping me out, we walk in the house and I see boxes sitting by the door. "Alright just tell me what you want and I'll put it in the box" he says grabbing the boxes heading upstairs. I follow him into our bedroom, "you want your jewelry" he asks. "Yes" I say and he places them in the box as he does with other things before going in the bathroom, he has two boxes packed when he walks over to me. "You want the pictures of us" he asks, "can you take me to the airport" I ask. "No now do you want them" he asks, "fine I'll take a cab" I say heading out the room when his arms wrap around my waist. "No you're not leaving because then I'm going to have to chase you down and I'm not in the mood" he says, "Chris let go it's too much I can't do this" I say.

           "Then stop" he says, "you don't love me anymore. I know and understand alright just let me go" I say when he gently traps me in between the wall and him. "What are you doing" I ask, "you have no idea how hot you look right now" he says pressing a kiss against my neck. "Chris" I gasp, "just let me take of you" he says. "Why would you want to to do this" I ask as his fingers run down my arms, "I love you" he says looking me in my eyes. Chris picks me up bridal style and I swat his arm, "stop put me down" I say. "Babe stop moving just let me show you how much I love you" he says kissing my lips gently, "you haven't done that in weeks or told me you love me" I say as he lies me on the bed pulling off his shirt. "I know and I plan on making it up to you the rest of the night" he says before dipping his head down kissing me and I grip his hair as my legs opens letting him rest in between them on instinct. After a while I am lying on my side looking at him his arm around my waist, we are chest to chest. His finger trails up my thigh resting on my stomach, "I can't believe we have a daughter" he says. I smile seeing his eyes light up, "she's going to be cute" I say placing my hand over his when he holds my chin pecking my lips before going for a slower kiss. "What was that for" I ask, "apology for being an ass and because I need you to know I love you" he says reaching behind him grabbing something before holding it out to me and I see it's my engagement ring. "Will you be my fiancée again" he asks, "yes" I say. He smiles sliding it on my finger before holding against him as we fall asleep.