Fifteen Layers of Steele

Chapter 16

Thank god everyone leaves the office after five when I get there, I thought in relief as I walked towards the clinic once again for my appointment. Remembering how loud I got with my moans last night, I couldn't help but cringe at what would have happened if other people had been there, or if my appointments were during normal hours of operation.

Waiting all day long for 5'oclock was like torture. My body still yearned so badly for him. The reason being that I hadn't been able to become fully satisfied. That ability was something that I was slowly learning about. When you get aroused and don't finish the job, you seem to stay perpetually horny. This was something that I hadn't ran into much before, because my sex drive was always killed so much by the memory of my stepfather. But not anymore. No longer would I continue to let his memory haunt me, or cause others in my life to be in pain. Indirectly, he was hurting Christian, my friends, and my mother even still by continuing to live on within my mind— and that was a pleasure that I could not continue to let him have.

Today's the day! I pushed excitedly through the doors. The day I finish my transformation and finally be free! Immediately that sudden burst of confidence was struck down by the sight of the area that Christian always came through to fetch me. Going shy, I zipped over to find my seat. Holy shit. Get it together Anastasia! You know you want this! But that was exactly the problem. Knowing what was about to go down made my heart beat almost straight out of my chest.

"Hello Anastasia," Christian greeted me with his deep and erotic voice. There seemed to be a feeling of "I want to rip all of your clothes as soon as you get into this room," deep within him that he was battling to keep from the forefront. I could tell that every time we met he was always restraining himself from doing and imagining what he really wanted. Slowly, I was becoming more and more interested in what those real thoughts might be, rather than the protection that I (almost) always receive.

"Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump."

My heart could not contain itself. It knew what it was getting into today.

After the session last night, he gave me a homework assignment of practicing hugging on other people close to me. He wanted to be sure it wasn't only him that I was getting comfortable with, and that I would be able to extend my reach to others as well. Following his instructions, I went home and looked for Kate. Thankfully, it was a night that she didn't have to stay too long working on her lab assignments. I did find that he was right about the fact that I had become mostly just comfortable with his touch. The close bond that we had formed made it easier for me to accept his advances more than others. Approaching Kate, I became really nervous, but then I remembered his advice to not let myself think about anything that was going to happen. Anxiety occurs from letting your mind wander too much. So, I just walked straight up to her and said "Hey Kate," and hugged her as she turned around. Surprisingly, I wasn't the one who froze up that time— she was. Tears fell from her eyes when she looked down at me wrapping my arms around her for the first time since elementary school.

Back in grade school she and I were very close, and we would hold hands and glomp each other all the time. But then, everything changed. Our relationship turned much more emotional rather than physical after I started to lose my ability to engage in human contact. It made the dynamic a bit different. Now, when we embraced for the first time as adults, it brought us back to that time when we just mere children. All the years that had passed seemed so insignificant. It was crazy to think that it was the first time in fifteen years that I hugged my best friend. All the time sleeping in the same room and we had never truly touched until that day. "I love you," I told her as she sobbed my name. It may have been a different kind of love than what I felt for Christian, but it was true all the same. That's why doing that with her was possible.