Guilt | G.D.

7. It's a Date

Song- Like Someone In Love by Bruno Major

I put on a black long sleeve skin tight shirt that has a deep lying v neck to show a little bit of cleavage. Over top I slipped on a white denim skirt with a black stripe leading down on both sides, and a pair of old school vans and ankle high fish net socks to top off the look. I looked into the mirror and saw my old self poking trough, a girl that used to be happy and used to get so excited for nights like this, but what I was feeling was contradictory to my outward appearance. I felt broken, and uncomfortable in this attire, less confident, and more insecure about myself. Instead of going to a party to liven it up and have a good time like I used to, I was going to prove to everyone, and even to myself that I was going to be okay. I guess I could also say that I was going to see Grayson, I'm not sure why I feel so attached to him, but lately he hasn't left my mind and he is the only reason I've felt motivated to do anything lately.

I grab my pone and 50 bucks and shove it in the back of my phone case so that if I need to pitch in for any alcohol I can, if I'm going to party, then I'm going to party. By the time I have everything together, my Uber had arrived. I get in and tell him my destination which was only a 5 minute drive from where I live and only costed me 7 dollars total.

Once I arrive to the house, the outside looks completely untouched, so the driver was a little shocked considering my attire and amount of money. That was the thing about the parties in my town, all of our neighbors were rich old snobs who had nothing better to do than call the cops, so everyone knew not to gather in the front yard and not to make it obvious that there was a party on the inside, but once you entered the house, it was a rave fest filled with an unimaginable amount of illegal substances and sex which would later end in the next mornings regrets and gossip.

I get out and tip the driver before walking up the long drive way, trying to catch my breath that I had lost somewhere along the ride over out of anxiety and nervousness. Once I have gotten myself together, I take the final step and enter the house.

The second I walk in I realize that I was nervous for nothing, I walk in and feel normal again, I had been doing this for three years, it came natural to me. Within the first few seconds of my entrance I am greeted with a group of girls that I guess I kind of missed while I was hiding away. Caroline runs up and hugs me, obviously excited that I decided to show, Aubrey follows behind, picking me up off of my feet and swinging me around, also being excited that the rumors of my appearance was true, and lastly was Kelly, who grabbed my hand and pulled me to the drinks.

"Oh my god, Kiersten, Lucas is totally eyeing you down" Aubrey laughs as I chug down my first cup. "I guess nothing has changed"

"Eww" I lightly laugh in response, remembering that Maddie and I use to have inside jokes about how weird Lucas is. I take another chug, finishing my first cup of the mystery alcohol that was being served at tonight's get together. I poor another drink, each sip helped me to forget another memory and focus more on the fun atmosphere I was surrounded by. The banter and laughing continues for what seems like hours by the drinks table until I am drunk off of my ass and Party In The USA is being played over the loud speakers.

"Oh my god, we have to go dance!" Caroline yells over the music as we all stumble into the middle of the living room which had been converted into a dance floor.

As I dance I can only think of how appreciative I am that none of my friends have brought up Maddie or my break, they all acted completely normal around me, which, mixed with the alcohol, helped me to forget for the night.