Song- Holy Smoke By Palace (sets the mood, recommend you play)
"hey" Graysons voice takes over my senses as he sits next to me in the backyard that we now had to ourselves.
I dont know what it is about him but even when I'm so upset or hurt by him i can't help but get excited that he's around me. I don't want to be upset with him. I want us to hit the restart button, I could use his support.
"hey" i reply playing with my fingers to avoid eye contact
"that new girl Lauren told me you wanted to talk to me."
Lauren... thats her name. its so weird i feel like i knew that but she never told me.
"umm not exactly but im happy that we are." i say looking up to see him already staring at me
we both just sit there looking at each-other, being so confused by our relationship in general that we dont know what to say.
"so hows things going with ethan?" He speaks up
"gray dont start please were just friends." i speak back with annoyance laced behind my words.
"friends who wear each others sweatpants like they've just had sex?" He asks as his eyes meet mine, not with a look of anger, but with hurt as he quickly looks back down to his hands.
"Grayson can we be 100% upfront with each other about everything, just this once?" I ask him wanting so badly to just tell him everything i have been feeling to terminate his doubt and release this weight off my chest.
"yeah i think it's about time we were." he says as i instantly cant help but smile out of excitement.
I look at him and meet his eyes staring right back at mine and get lost for a second with in them, but I dont mind.
"okay here it goes" I say looking away and preparing to spill "Grayson the last couple weeks have been hell for me, even more so then before." I start. "first we agree to be there for each other, to help each other. But that was before i knew you had all these secrets that i still dont know about."
"I don-" he tries to cut me off.
"let me finish" I say placing my hand on his thigh to show him im not mad and this is a calm conversation.
"Its okay whether you do or dont. i dont care. I started approaching you and talking to you because you obviously knew more about the night of maddies death then i did, and at first, i thought i wanted to know everything, but sitting here with you, and not arguing and just being calm, i realize that if you keeping that to yourself brings this peace, then i dont need to know. we can move on from it an ill never know, if thats what it takes."
he didnt reply he sat there in his thoughts processing what i was saying, so i continued.
"and as for ethan, hes my only friend right now Grayson you have to understand that. I found comfort in him that i havent had since that night, so im holding onto that. Grayson i dont want to be with him, since the first words we exchanged in that hallway, all i can think about is how i want to be with you."
he looks up from his hands for the first time since i started talk and looks shocked and almost disappointed.
"and before it's your turn to talk, just know im okay with us not being together, i know its wrong cause your maddies ex, but i cant help what i feel and the attraction i have to you, and i just wanted you to know, everything."
He takes a deep breath and looks up to the sky as he processes what hes gonna say before he mumbles to himself "fuck it"
"Kierst, you haven't left my mind in so long, you have completely taken my brain hostage, and the thought of you with my brother was literally killing me." He starts. "in a perfect world, it would be me and you with no complications, no secrets, nothing, just me and you. But these past couple days ive been thinking about how that isnt possible and this isnt a perfect world. but i cant see you with someone else, and i cant sit here and pretend like im okay with just being a friend to you. i want all of you, every part of you, and i want it all to myself." he looks into my eyes that are now trying their best to hold back tears.
"then take me, every part of me grayson you know im willing to give it to you." I say so happy that hes finally being honest about how he feels.
"the problem is that i cant give you all of me." he stands up and starts to pace in front of me.
"why not grayson."
"because there are just some things that i dont think i could ever tell you, or anyone for that matter. i could never. and thats what you want, you want answers and comfort and i dont think i could ever give you that."
"forget about it then, i dont need them, and if you dont want to give me those answers, then i dont WANT them anymore. my life is so dull, i have nothing anymore, and its because im still hung up on try ing to piece that night together, i need to move on, so lets both do that, lets move on together. i dont give a fuck what people will say or think, i dont give a fuck about filling in the timeline of that night, i just care about us moving forward." i say standing up and grabbing his shirt, lightly pulling him towards me and placing my hands around his neck.
"be mine kiersten." he whispers as he places his forehead on mine.
"you dont know how long ive waited for you to ask." i reply as i lean in waiting to feel his lips against mine
as our lips connect im sure i made the right decision, how could it possibly be the wrong one when this feels so right, so perfect?
its time to move on.
I love maddie forever, but i cant let myself be hung up on her death for the rest of my life.
A/N: sorry its been so long, been trying to figure out college and soccer and everything else, just been super hectic.
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Guilt | G.D.
FanfictionI knew it was a bad idea, and I could have made more of an effort to stop her, but I didn't. If I would've known what would happen next, I would've gone to Liam's dumb fucking party. But would'ves don't fix anything. What's done is done.
