Guilt | G.D.

14. Angel

Song- Xanny by Billie Eilish (sets mood, recommend you play)

whoever was fucking with me earlier today really got to my head, i dont know why but for a split second when i first saw the new girl i felt like i got a chance to see maddie one more time, which is the one thing i wish for more than anything in this world.

I got home from school and just took a minute to think about everything, all the chaos going on in these past couple months, it was just a lot and sometimes it just made me have to sit for a second and think. the more i thought, the more nothing made sense, like usual.

it was around 4, and ethan was coming over at 6 with a bottle of fireball so that we could pregame, and the deal was that both of us leave our cars here and uber, even though i wouldnt even drive if i were sober, i dont know if i could ever be in the driver seat again.

i took an hour long bath, shaved everything, did a hair and face mask, and really took that time to take care of myself, something i rarely did lately.

i got out of the bath pruny and satisfied and threw on a pair of boyfriend jeans and a black crop top, blow drying and straightening my hair, and using the last hour of my time to carefully do my make up, and by the end of everything, for the first time in a long time, i felt beautiful and confident.

i played on my phone for a little bit until i heard ethan come into the front door down stairs

"fireball is here!" he yelled as i came rushing down the stairs excited, ethan was turned digging through the cabinets looking for shot glasses.

"here dumb ass." i say walking over to the mini bar in the living room and bringing two shot glasses into the kitchen.

"wow keirsten, you look beautiful." ethan says as he looks me up and down with a daze over his eyes.

"aww thanks e." i smile "now give me that." i say snapping his out of his glare and pooring us both a huge shot.

-------------------------------------------

we get out of the uber and walk up to the house which was only two neighborhoods away from mine. as i enter the big house with ethan by my side, i already feel unbelievably drunk, but im handling myself.

Ethan and i head for the living room, skipping the drinks considering both of us had already had enough.

ethan starts talking to jack and tommy, the same football players that sit with him and grayson at lunch, and i quickly get bored and thirsty.

"hey i'm gonna go get some water, ill be back." i nudge ethan and yell to him over the music.

"okay can you bring me back a beer please?" he yells back.

"yeah of course ill be right back." i say as i turn away, and start to navigate my self through the crowd of minors.

i finally find the kitchen and grab myself a fiji water and ethan a beer out of the fridge, i close the fridge door and take a sip of water, and i feel as though im being watched, like you know that feeling when you just can feel eyes on you and you dont know why.

i turn away from the fridge and look out the window of the kitchen to see the girl from the soccer field sitting by herself on a swing and see an opportunity to apologize, shes obviously new, no one is talking to her, and i probably really scared her, i am realizing quickly that this wasn't a sick joke, and i just flipped out for no reason, she didnt know anything about maddie, it isn't her fault.