If I Could Tell Him {A "Dear Evan Hansen" Fanfiction}

Chapter 4

The car ride back to the Hansen household was a long, quiet one. Heidi kept her hands tight on the steering wheel. Her knuckles began to turn white from the tension. She was feeling grief and anger simultaneously. Once after every moment, Heidi would turn her head to look at Evan sitting in the passenger seat. Whenever she would, Evan would try his best to look down or away. His knees were purposely aimed away from her. Oddly, this wasn't new. On occasions when Heidi could take Evan somewhere, the car was quiet and awkward. No interactions. No light-hearted banter. The only thing new about this car ride was the clean white cast on Evan's left arm. He held it carefully with this other hand.

"Evan. Oh my god. If you don't tell me what really happened I will crash this car into the median.", Heidi's lip began to tremble.

Evan shrunk from the sudden rush of Heidi's angered tone.

"I told you everything! I...fell from a tree and, and a manager of the, of the nature center, drove...drove me to the emergency room. That's it! I'm...I'm sorry for getting...hurt."

"No. No, Evan. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about my tone just now. I'm sorry for finding out so late. I'm sorry.", Heidi started to tear up. "I'm sorry for being a terrible mother."

"Mom...please. You aren't a terrible mother. Please..."

"I am! You broke your arm and I was at work not paying attention. I'm sorry."

"And I thought I apologized a lot.", Evan said under his breath.

"I heard that young man.", she said whipping tears. "And it's not a bad thing. It shows that that person is sympathetic and knows when to say sorry."

"Mom...not now."

"Fine. Fine."

The car was once again silent. They came to a stop at a red light.

"To let you know.....it was an ac-accident........the fall."

Heidi looked to Evan.

"Of course it was, sweety. I'm just glad you're okay.", she said giving him a smile.

Evan returned the smile with a half smile of his own. Again, the car was silent. Heidi didn't look away from Evan. Her teary, smiley face glowed onto Evan's curled up figure. He made a small noise and pointed in front of him letting his mom know that the light had turned green.

"Oh. My bad. I wasn't looking."

And yet again. The car was quiet.

It was a much different story across town. At the Murphy house. The time was nearing 6:30 pm at night. Zoe, Larry, and Cynthia were at the table eating some gluten-free, non-GMO dish. Four plates, three people. Light clinking from forks against the plates was heard around the table as Cythina tried to create conversation. She smiled around looking from her husband, who was looking at his tablet typing something, to her daughter who was staring blankly at her food.

"So, Zoe,", Cynthia began. "How was your last day of Sophomore year?"

"Good. Not much exciting. People bragging about where they're going for summer break."

"Are you excited for jazz band next year?"

"Yeah.", Zoe responded.

The conversation that Cynthia was trying to carry, ended as soon as it began. She wanted it to keep going. No better way than to bring up the one person missing.

"Zoe, where is your brother?"

Zoe rolled her eyes before answering.

"I don't know."