If I Could Tell Him {A "Dear Evan Hansen" Fanfiction}

Chapter 2

The world stopped at that moment. Anything that could disturb the moment was paused. The breeze, the calm rustle. Connor felt as if he could not move. His eyes remained on Evan's still body. A few moments before, he had shrieked in pain. But he was very still. Only a few jitters and slow movement from breathing. For a few minutes, Connor did not know what he had just witnessed. He didn't run, he didn't help, he just sat there. What seemed like forever, were only a  few minutes. Evan was very still and silent. From what Connor could see, maybe the fall had inflicted more damage than initially seen. In the Grove, both of the boys were still. The world was still.

Then, Evan began to move. Some moans of pain escaped his mouth as he slowly lifted himself off of the ground. He was keeping his left arm close to his chest. The higher Evan rose, the more Connor panicked. Very slowly, Evan began looking around the Grove. From his line of sight, Connor saw Evan turning his head to his general direction. A sudden surge of power shot through Connor as Evan's movements were hastening. He grabbed his bag and ran out of the Grove as light as he could. Evan had no idea he was there.

Connor was in a state of shock. The crunching of the leaves under his feet and the wind rushing past his ears was all he could hear. His eyesight never leaving his targeted destination. Without him noticing, tears began to make their way down Connor's face. But he just ran.

Finally, he made it into the plaza area. Very flustered, Connor looked around for someone who looked like they had some authority. People all around were giving Connor strange looks and slowly walking away from him.

"Help! Help, Evan...I mean someone...someone fell in the Grove!"

Very quickly, volunteers and workers of the nature center ran in the direction leading to the Oak Grove. Without a word, Connor stumbled out of the nature center. Before heading out and on his way home, he bent down by a fence post and threw up. The adrenaline pent up inside him draining as his breakfast was vomited out. A few coughs after and then a wipe of his mouth, he got back up and regained his posture. Some people were looking at him. Connor simply looked them in the eye, nodded and headed on his way.

On the outside, Connor was stone-faced. He remained "normal" and kept his pace steady. Not too fast and not too slow. But within, Connor was feeling everything. Pain, sadness, grief, anger. If what Connor was thinking was true, someone like Evan should not be wanting to jump or harm himself or...or maybe it was an accident. But then no matter the reason behind it, no one like Evan should be in such pain. Connor hoped that he was okay and he yeared to be there with him and hold him until the pain went away.

But that was unreachable.  He wouldn't be able to go through with it. To tell his family who he truly was deep within and to tell Evan how he feels. If he could tell him...if he could be with him.

Connor then realized he was crying again and quickly put a stop to it. Connor Murphy didn't cry. At least, that's what his family and everyone thought. The sad truth about Connor was whatever was on the outside was not what was inside. Connor hid behind his dark clothes and silent demeanor. And it was begging to take a toll on him. That is where the drugs and getting high came in. It was an escape, a shield.

It had taken about an hour to get back home. The sun was in the spot of the sky where the light was harsh on the houses facing west. The air was cool and there was a slight breeze tickling the leaves. It was a good afternoon. Connor walked up the drive to find his father's car parked outside of the garage. Larry was inside at his work table.

"Hey...dad.", Connor said from a distant.

Larry just made a humming noise as a way of recognition. He did not look up to greet him. Connor continued into the house. In the family room was Connor's mom on the couch and Zoe sitting with her laptop on a single chair.