A Friend Unchosen by Britaney Lamorena

Season 1: Chapter 8: The Bi-atch Squad

y'all know that every school has fake girls or what you would call mean girls and every school has its own version

In this school my version lets call them the bitch squad which is actually an old circle of friends of ours that I was never comfortable with and never been myself with which is poor Liz cycle of friends that I tried to get her out of but no...

she actually chose this group over me I know I'm not her first friend but I know for a fact that once upon a time she cared for me otherwise she wouldn't have cried when I confessed my sin in front of the class...

leaving me...

abandoning me in front of everyone......

the whole class knew we had separated and isn't one good term my classmates even had the audacity to tell me to talk to her and go back to her cause " she looks so lonely" like a bitch?

like I'm the one who had no friends fro three months cause I was depressed of her having a good time without me?

I'm the one she left behind.... and she's the one who looks lonely...

she's chosen, my cousin...

she chose that squad...

I'm not the one who chose for her, she chose for herself I thought we were happy with one another turns out it was just me I just hope that she's fucking happy of her choice and what she did...

At this time revenge got the better of me I swear I'll ruin her life she doesn't have any idea what she put me through I was devastated for three months cause of her I can't forgive her that easily

she doesn't have any idea how it feels like to hate someone you used to love.....

to hate that once been my whole world......

to the one thing that could make me smile...

Why did she have to leave...

I want to destroy everything about her...

but I couldn't...

I still care why can't I just let go...

I tried everything to make her happy.....

she was so important to me...

how could she leave that easily.....

how can she move on without me that easily.....

how can she be happy without me...

that feeling broke every piece of me...

I accepted it and gave up on myself it was the most horrible time of my life, I knew no one will care she won't be here to stop me I was too much for her...

maybe too bad for her...

really see I'm the bad girl... she's the good girl...

maybe I was too bad she couldn't take it anymore...

every time I try to think about the reason she left.....

it's like I'm breaking myself again just finding out.....

I changed I definitely did...

I became worse I started cursing every time...

causing a mess everywhere even at home I stopped eating and always locked myself in my room, I stayed away from others and would always cut classes...

I started having suicidal thoughts I even did something horrible... I'm the worst teenage sinner the thing I did is very personal, my whole life changed.....

I only accepted everything when I met Carla, Min, Grace, and Alera to be part of my life it's like I found a reason to be alive again...

to be happy again.... little by little I realized Liz was just part of my life, I just always thought that she was a blessing, the thought of her being lesson never crossed my mind.