What Are We Searching For, Really?

13.

Mature-ish? Just a small warning.

—1:32pm.

"Austin," I called, catching up to him outside the classroom. "Can you come with me somewhere?"

I guess this is the only way to do it...sincerely, is that what they say? Yeah, sincerely. Not over text or something. Damnit, can't believe he left early from the park yesterday. I completely missed the chance to-

"Sure." He cut into my thoughts, turning around to follow me and smiling. I smiled back, surprised he didn't question where I was dragging him off to.

In silence, we both walked out the stairs at the back of the building. Weirdly, a strange buzzing-or was it rumbling?-was growing at the bottom of my stomach.

I clutched the railing suddenly, a fraction of a second away from slipping down the entire staircase. I glared at my feet. What the hell is this feeling? There's no way I am-

"Won, are you okay?" Austin asked, immediately at my side with his hands slightly reached out.

-nervous.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I murmured, brushing my bangs away from my forehead that felt uncomfortably sweaty. No way I am getting those stupid, sick butterflies. "Just missed a step."

Even though I said that, Austin still stayed at my side as we went down and I gave him a grateful smile. Austin really looks out for me at the most unnecessary times.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked suddenly, cutting into my empty thoughts with a curious look in his eyes. "You look like you're thinking about a million things at once"

"If I tell you that would be so weird," I muttered, before clamping a hand over my mouth. Shit, I decided too late whether I was going to just think it or say it out loud!

"Hmm...? Do I want to know?" he asked in a teasing voice, a grin spreading across his face. I gulped anxiously, averting my gaze. No.

"Well, I think I'm going to tell you now," I said as we reached the bottom of the stairs. I hated how unsure I sounded and internally cringed. "Sorry. I think I'm going through some sort of phase..."

"It's okay, take your time," he said gently, leaning against the wall. The cold rain pattered on the floor next to me and I shivered under the roof, sliding my jumper on.

I don't know how this is supposed to work. But I can't say this out loud-it'll make him start to doubt himself, and everything will fall down into a mess of "I don't know"s and "maybe"s. So I have to just go with whatever he's going to do. It'll be okay.

"I heard what you said that night," I said softly, my fingers playing at the edges of my long sleeves.

He visibly tensed up, running a hand through his hair. "The...study night?"

I nodded. We fell into silence, listening to the rain fall, collecting our thoughts. Even with the warmth of my jumper, I still felt cold. I needed the intimacy.

I took a small step towards him so that I was only a step away, looking up at him. He looked down at me, with a strange expression I couldn't decipher. I looked down, took his hand into both of mine and looked back up at him.

"I like you too."

It made sense. I wasn't lying to myself. All those nervous feelings...butterflies in my stomach...giddiness...being natural around him...they all came back to this. It wasn't something I was surprised about.

It was dark under the roof, but I swore I saw a small tinge of red across his cheeks as he stared at me...as if I was a work of art. With his other hand, he covered his face below his eyes, turning away from me, mumbling something under his breath as his face grew more red. For some reason, that made me feel all hot and suddenly,