Major League Trouble ; Cody Bellinger

Thirteen: Apologies

After arriving back at the condos, I find myself in a whirlwind of emotions. I felt bad because Cody did try to help me but it honestly just made me mad. I just wasn't ready for confrontation like that, let alone Cody entering the chat. I knew he only meant well but I didn't need that along with Bill coming to the game. He didn't even really care for baseball before. He was all into hockey when we were together.

I shower and grab an ice cream bar from my freezer, before turning on the news. I wasn't really in the mood for that so I changed it to Hawaii Five-O. It took my mind off of the whole Cody and Bill situation. I'd rather just figure everything out tomorrow.

Friday, March 17th
Today we had an afternoon game so I had to be dressed and ready at the stadium by 9am. I gathered my things and headed that way on the shuttle.

"Hey Jenna," I hear someone walk into the dugout. I look up from my playbook and see Chris. "Morning Chris," I smile, half relieved it wasn't Cody, though I wish it were. "Where am I at today?" He questions since he was a sort of jack of all trades. "Center, you good with that?" I question even though he didn't really have a choice. "Guess I have to be," he forces a smile. I frown, disappointed that he wasn't happy. "I'm kidding, that's fine," he laughs at me. "I know, it just feels like no one around me can be happy," I shrug. "What's that supposed to mean? What's going on, Jen," he sits down beside me. "You weren't there but it's a long story with Cody and my ex," I try to explain. "Lemme guess, you and Cody aren't okay anymore," he figures. "Again! I hate it. Every time things start to look up, they just fall apart in an instant. Is it self sabotage?" I shrug. "Kinda sounds like it. But he'll come around sooner or later. Besides, we still have the rest of the season," he tries to look at the bright side. "I don't know this time. I really overstepped. Like I was just frustrated in the moment and said things I shouldn't have," I sigh. "Well then that just means you have to apologize," he laughs like it was obvious. "I know, I just don't know what to say. 'Sorry for going off on you because you stuck up for me in front of my ex fiancé'," I laugh. "Well yea? And maybe along the lines of 'I fucked up, I'm sorry, you were right' you know just some things to make him feel better," he gives me an assuring smile. "I just feel like he won't care if I apologize. He seems so done with me now," I kind of laugh at myself for the mess I've gotten myself into. "Trust me, Jenna. He's not done with you," Chris laughs and I feel like I was missing something. "I see the way he looks at you," Chris looks into the distance. I turn my head and catch Cody looking this way. He looked frustrated then looks away. "He still cares. He just wants you to see that," Chris adds looking back at me. "You know? For someone who's single, you sure know a lot about this stuff," I laugh at him. "I've had a girlfriend or two," he defends himself. "I feel like you're my Yoda," I joke. "Your Yoda, I will be," he says in a funny voice and we both laugh. "Thanks for the advice, but get your ass on the field," I say the last part half serious. "Yes coach," he copies my tone then leaves in a hustle making me laugh. I look back at Cody and he was about to take BP. I gotta fix this. Even if we can't be anything, he has to know I'm sorry.

—§—

After both games ending in losses, I headed back to my condo without a word to anyone. Every loss just feels like my fault, like I should've done better. I guess guilt comes with management. Cody was on the bench today, so maybe that was part of the difference we might've needed.

I managed to find the courage to go and talk to him. He was too important to me to just let go of and I needed to make things right by him. After continuous knocking and waiting what seemed like 10 minutes, the door opened. I was shocked to see Cody soaking wet in just a towel. I could tell he was surprised to see me as well. Neither of us said anything at first. I try my best not to look at his body which was practically steaming. He was literally smoking. "I-uh. I just came by to talk. If that's okay, of course," I force an awkward smile. I can tell he was trying his best to hide a smirk. He was amused at how uncomfortable I was. "Yea, lemme just grab some clothes," he says leaving the door open for me to come in. I take a deep breath before entering his condo. I waited what seemed like forever. He finally came back fully clothed. "So," he begins not making eye contact, probably due to the awkward situation. "What'd you want to talk about?" He sits on the couch, keeping his distance from me. I was so prepared for this but all of the sudden started to blank now that he looked me in the eyes. I remember how hurt he was by what I had said and finally begin. "I fucked up. I know you were only defending me and that's what any good friend would do. I shouldn't have gotten mad at you. I'm sorry. You were right, and-" I stopped before I could let anything inappropriate spill. He doesn't respond. "And I hate not talking to you or knowing what you're thinking, so please say something," I practically beg. At first he was still emotionless but then he laughs. I can't help but laugh too. I sounded like an idiot. "That's a good laugh right?" I smile, hopeful. "Jenna," he stares at me with an admiring smile. "You have no idea how bad I've wanted to tell you the same thing," he laughs. "What?" I question confused. "You were right. I overstepped. I should've just let you handle it. I let my emotions get the best of me, again," he says. "No way, you were just being a good friend," I argue. "No, you had the situation under control but I reacted badly," he argued back. I don't say anything. Instead, we both ended up laughing at ourselves. "Man, today sucked," he says after we both calmed down. "That makes two of us," I agree. "I've never met anyone like you, Jenna," he shakes his head smiling. I stop myself from retracting the conversation. I need to stop implying things. "I've never been so comfortable and open with anyone so fast. It's like you've always been my best friend, you know," he forces a smile. I could tell the "F" word was a trigger for both of us but we both needed to hear it. "Yea, I know what you mean," I smile back. For a moment, things became awkward. It was my worst fear with Cody. Luckily, there was a knock at the door. "Oh hey," he says getting up in a hurry. "I ordered a pizza. You wanna watch a few episodes of Friends before calling it a night?" He questions, finding his wallet. I think about it for a moment. We were strictly friends now. Well, we both said that. What's the worst that could happen? "Sure," I smile admiringly at him since he seemed to be in a better mood now.