Pretty evil

Chapter 15- Fabricated lies and emotions.

- Disclaimer- this chapter could be possibly triggering for victims of rape and suicidal thoughts. Although suicide is only briefly mentioned and not detailed. The subject of rape is spoken about slightly more. I do not intend to cause any harm by this chapter. My only intention, if anything is awareness of the topic within certain situations.-

"Why don't I have any friends was your question yeah?" I clarified with Jason, he nodded. We were now sat in the lounge, drinking cups of coffee and discussing all things I didn't want to. He sat on the sofa opposite and focused on my eyes, even when I wasn't focused on his.

I sighed, "my honest answer is I don't know." His brows furrowed, "what do you mean, haven't you spoken to them?" He questioned, whilst I took one last sip of my coffee placing it down onto the table and making myself comfortable on the sofa again. "Not necessarily, I mean yeah but last time we spoke I was 18 and was facing a battle on my own" "why on your own? Friends are supposed to be there for you" he sympathised, I laughed lightly, "sucks doesn't it" I avoided his gaze, " I ran them down, my anxious self was a mess. I robbed them, I hurt them, I betrayed them. All because I was too selfish to admit that I was stubborn-" "you got that right" Jason laughed, I shot him a glare and he cleared his throat, "sorry, go ahead" He apologised.

"I've always been career driven, just that back then my career was pistol whipping, sleeping around and manipulation. I blamed everyone but myself, which I now see was not the case. I was to blame, yes my parents and home life had little bits to do with it but I was a rebellious teenager that refused to reason with people." I groaned and bit my lip out of frustration before continuing, " there's only so many times people can offer you help before they get bored of you not taking it. My friends were there for me, but they also used and abused me. My family have always had money, not like a lot like I have now but we were the wealthiest in my area. Partially down to the fact I had my own uh-" I thought for a second, "income coming in, so my parents money was spent on themselves, the house, holidays... all that kinda stuff. I was surprisingly a really nice person before I began to realise that I was invited to parties for the gifts I would buy the host, not for my friendship or presence." I finished.

Jason looked at me and studied my face, "there's something else you're not telling me. I can tell" "how?" I asked, he sat up and rested his elbow on his knee, "you avoid eye contact with me when you're telling me stuff that is either not true, a fabricated lie, something you're afraid to admit to yourself or something you're afraid to hear." He analysed, I shifted in my seat, "you barely made eye contact with me throughout my story, only when you could barely see me down to the tears.what are you hiding?" He questioned as he stood up and made his way towards me. Not once did I look at him as the sofa dipped down next to me, I grabbed a cushion and hugged it against my chest, "calla, spill. I can't help unless you-" "you can't help at all, that's what everybody said to me. Whenever I expressed myself I wasn't believed." I admitted, looking into his eyes.

"I believe you, and I can help. I promise you" Jason smiled, he pulled me into a quick side hug. I pulled away and sat back up, reverting my eyes once again, "don't promise me, Jason." I whispered, " everybody feels sorry for my parents because of the way I used to act, my friends even took their side." I shook my head and took a deep breath, " I was raped and exploited by a close family friend when I was twelve. Then raped again by an ex boyfriend when I was eighteen. I left for NewYork because my family didn't believe me." I began to cry, " he isn't like that, he wouldn't do that. They used to say, but they weren't the ones being tied up and cussed out at the age of twelve in the basement of our family home during a family dinner with our loving family who would never hurt anyone ever. " I let out the breath I was still holding, I felt Jason's hand on my arm. I shrugged it off.

"They wonder why I hit the bottle, turned to drugs, began to commit crime at the age of twelve because no twelve year old should have their innocence stolen by someone they trusted. Someone their family still trusted even when they broke down in tears and threatened suicide. Just for them to believe them." I paused for a moment and turned to Jason, "did I mention this happened for four years of my life. And then to top it all off, I was raped again by a boy who I thought loved me. A boy I met through friends who said he was kind, caring, sweet...all that bullshit." "Cal-" Jason began to speak, but I continued on my rant, my heart was racing and my blood was rushing, " and to top it off and add a cherry on top of it, I wasn't believed again because; He wouldn't do that, he isn't like that, you can't be raped in a relationship...just say no. Just say no calla, it's really that simple" I laughed through my tears, something I'd done for eight years.

"Cal-" Jason tried to interrupt again, I didn't let him. " that's the reason I lost my friends, on top of the other shit. That's the reason I came to New York, flirted with the male boss at the time. Got the job I have now and worked my way to the top, a girl needs something to at least distract her when she's got nothing and her life's slowly falling ap-" "Calla!" Jason snapped, a sigh followed from his mouth straight after. I wiped my tears and waited for him to continue. He shook his head multiple times before taking my hands in his, his thumb delicately placed on the back of my hand. He rubbed it before planting a kiss there, "I believe you."

I believe you? He believes me? Someone believes me? The words I'd been longing to hear for what felt like an eternity. My parents couldn't believe me, my friends couldn't believe me but a man I'd met less than two months ago could believe me?

My body was numb, I stared at him. My ears cut out the rest of his sentence as he continued to talk, I watched his lips through blurry eyes. I heard nothing but 'I believe you' my lips were parted and my tears we falling, I could taste them as they passed by my mouth, "but baby I fucking believe you and I love you so so so much."

I love you so much? He loves me? Someone loves me? The words I'd been longing to hear for what felt like an eternity. My parents wouldn't love me, my friends couldn't love me but a man I'd met less than two months ago could love me?

My body was numb, I stared at him, I heard nothing but 'I love you so much' as my lips remained parted, and my tears continued to fall, I could still taste them as they passed by my mouth more frequently, "calla please say something"

"I-just-I-but-i" my words wouldn't form the sentence I thought they would, my body was too weak to even fathom what was going on right now, "how have you fallen for me so quick?" I questioned, Jason seemed taken aback and slightly offended, "what do you mean? How couldn't I fall for you? Your drive, passion, attitude. The way you listen, the way you pull me in, the way you leave me invested...wanting more. My body craves you, my heart claims you. I can't ignore that feeling" Jason presented his view, I'd never seen more passion from him before this moment. My body became hot.

I didn't say anything, instead I threw the cushion to the side and grabbed ahold of his hand gently. I pulled him up and towards my bedroom, leaving no time for him to react or even pull away from my grasp. I guided him to my room and closed the door behind us, his back pressed against the door as I watched him. His beauty. His mind. His everything was what I wanted to get to know more of, I placed my hands on his cheeks and continued to gaze up at him. I loved him. I wanted him despite this fucked up night. My lips found his, I kissed him. My lips found his neck, I kissed it. His hands found my ass, he grabbed it. I continued to cry, but this was what I wanted.