Sweet creature

F O U R T E E N

Sweet Creature | Hurt

I just want a day 

Where it feels like, I'm not

Falling apart anymore.

Golden-oath

Kai

The next day, all I could think about was her. Lately- the only thing I've been able to do was to think about her. Her smile, her scent, her soul. I've never, felt this way for anybody in my life before. Once my mother died I closed myself off- I shut my heart off to everyone and everything. I didn't want to feel. I turned it off. My heart. Throughout the years the switch just kinda stayed off. Nothing could turn it on, nothing. Nothing, until now. Until I met her. Serenity. She is all of my thoughts now, all of my visions, and all of my dreams. One girl. This girl. It's so weird that I could feel so attached to her, this drawn - pulled to her. I felt like a magnet whenever I was near, and when we touched I felt sparks .

I shake my head. I couldn't control myself anymore- I was consumed . So, I guess I'd stop the fight. I won't resist myself from her anymore, maybe I'll even take my therapist advice and find that love that I was missing in my life. I chuckle to myself, at the irony of the situation. It hit too close now. No way in hell was I actually really supposed to fall in love...........am I falling in love? The question lingered in my mind as I parked my motorcycle in the student parking lot. I needed to see serenity. To hold her hand, to smell her scent.

Ugh, I had it bad. 

I let my feet guide me through the crowd of lifeless teenagers dreading, and head towards the familiar path to her locker. I knew the pathway like the back of my hand, and I also knew she'd be there.  I pretty much had her school schedule memorized now. And, she was predictable if not anything else. Too good for her own good. An angel. So pure. 

I smile at the thought of her - though my smile didn't last very long. Stopping in my tracks, with my fist now clutched to my side, I see Serenity and Noah standing at her locker talking. It wasn't them communicating that had my fist ready to go, it was the fact that she was smiling at him. Looking at him with those eyes that belonged to me. 

I scold to myself.

 I wonder if Serenity would be smiling at him, if she knew the real him. The him that abandons the ones they love in a moment of need, and then lies about it. The him that turns their back on their so called "family", and then denies them in public. The him that leaves. The him that hides. Noah was a coward. And I would be damned it he hurt her. I snare at the thought. Balling my fist deeper in my palm. Noah doesn't deserve to see the same smile that warms my heart. 

Jealous that he could even stand so close to her - Breath the same air as her. I hated it. It drove me crazy, but then again - she wasn't mines, not yet at least. And because she didn't know Noah and I history,she would still see him as the good guy. The realization calms me. She didn't know. She knew nothing, nothing about me, nothing about my past, nothing. 

Maybe it was time to change that. Maybe if I was going to let her get closer, then I would have to relive the most horrific day of my life, and share that part of me, that I wish I didn't have. To share with someone else that wasn't my therapist. I let the thought sink in, and then shake it away. I don't think I'm ready to share my past, at least not yet. I still needed to know if she were worthy of my truth. Worth my pain, and worth my trauma. I mean, she had her own. I wouldn't want her to feel like I'm too broken for her. Too much of a mess for her. I fear I would run her off - run her right into Noah's arms. Would she even see my side of the story? Or would she takes Noah's side in the end?