FATE

CHAPTER FOUR

"Always leave your affairs to Allah (SWA) because he is the best of planners and nothing will ever go wrong for you when you put all your trust in him..."

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"Abbad, seat down or I am strapping you with the seat belt right now!" I said to my little boy who is jumping up and down the car seat in his school uniform. He keeps standing on the almost making for a fall when u step on the breaks.

"Ya Allah help me! Please be a good boy Abbad and seat down" I say again for umpteenth time.

"I am sorry momma, I want to be a good boy" he said giving me the cutest smile.

"That's my boy, may Allah bless you " I said, while I try to concentrate on my driving. The past years have been really tough for me but Abbad is part of the also numerous blessings I got, he is my happiness and the reason I wake up everyday with a smile. Umma had been my strength all through the years, helping me battle my PTSD and the early days of Abbad as a baby and also jiggling with school but Alhamdulillah I wouldn't change any for those days.

"Momma, where is my daddy?" Abbad innocently asked.

I can swear my heart almost stopped at his question, my body trembling. I tried to remain calm and focus on my driving to avoid a calamity, internally I was reciting the taawiz.

"Uhm, baby why are you asking this question?" I tried to ask as calm as I could be.

" musab in my class always talks about his father taking him to park and buying him chocolates, why doesn't my daddy take me to the park?" He asked his tiny brows knitting together.

I had to grip the steering wheel harder, because my heart almost stopped. I kept repeating innalilahi wa inna illahi rajiuun, so I could regain my calm. I knew someday Abbad will ask about his dad I never knew it will be this soon.

I took a calming long breath, I know lying out of this situation is the only thing I can do. I avoid socialising alot because of questions that would be asked about him,his father,their family so I chose to concentrate on school and raising him with so much love that he wouldn't miss the absence of a father but who am I kidding, it is inevitable.

"Your dad is gone and left us to heaven and someday in shaa Allah, when we all die and go to heaven we will meet him,okey?" I said hoping his little brain will understand what I mean.

"He is dead just like baba tsoho" he said creasing his brows, baba tsoho was the gardener of Umma who died a month earlier and Abbad was quite close to him always running behind him tending to the plants.

"Yes love, just like baba tsoho and they are all in Jannah now in shaa Allah"

"Okey " he replied and just like that our conversation forgotten.

I took a deep breath letting it out, I hope this my white lie won't come back to bite me later even though Umma had been telling her relatives my husband had divorced me with an early pregnancy. She had been the mother I never thought I will ever have, she is my strength and someone I will forever be greatful to.

I am now a two hundred level student of human psychology due to her encouragement and love. The home I had known for a few years now came into view as I turned into the street, I smiled at the view and made my way to the gate.

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"Sweets, where exactly are you?" I said in to the phone growing frustrated. I have been trying to see my girlfriend for the past one hour and she have been giving me excuses.

"Baby, I told you I had an errand to run" she said too sweetly.

"I heard that but where exactly? I want to see you. Just tell me okey," I said with finality to my tone and she knows not to argue with me.