Fading Magic (Book 5 of the Ink Series)

Forever

I pick at the sandwich Slade made me as I sit on the bed in his hotel room. We haven't said anything in some time and it's beginning to feel awkward.

After my dad made a scene in front of the entire neighborhood I needed to get away. I didn't mean to but I cried all the way back to the hotel. Slade tried to comfort me but there wasn't anything he could say to make any of what was going on better.

There are no words to make an alcoholic not an alcoholic. You can't stitch up a broken heart.

Sometimes I think I was blind my entire childhood, I thought my dad was this perfect man when he wasn't.

He made our beautiful family and then singlehandedly destroyed it. And you can't come back after that.

I look over at Slade. "He's blaming everyone but himself for what's happened."

Slade drops down beside me on the bed. "Are you going to eat your sandwich?"

I pick up the sandwich and sigh. "If you don't want to hear it why don't you just say so?"

"I didn't say that." He takes the plate away from me.

"Well, you're not saying much at all."

He drops back on the bed. I climb on top of him making sure he can't dodge me.

"I am responsible for everything you have become," he takes my hand in his. "As much as I love you I've screwed a lot up."

I shake my head taking him by the chin. "Don't ever blame yourself for who I am. I'm who I am because I'm in love with you."

"I've put you through a lot of shit," he argues, avoiding my stare down.

"My dad screwed a lot up." I sigh. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because you're home and I see how happy that makes you. And even when you're back here a lot of shitty stuff keeps happening because of me."

I press my lips into his. "You are not a bad guy. You are a fantastic guy." I kiss him again. "A wonderful guy."

He kisses me back, his fingers slipping through my hair. And he's looking at me and I feel a little better.

"I think maybe Georgia was a bad idea."

And then I feel horrible. I pull myself off of him and get off the bed. I can't believe I'm going through this all over again. I'm pretty sure he wants to bail on me.

"We came back here because of what we did." If we stayed back in Cherry the entire town would have put our head's on stakes and showcased us all over town.

Slade stands up and comes over to me. I see the worry all over him, the way his eyes look at me. The way his body feels when I move closer to him and press my head against his chest.

"I just want you to hold me and everything will be alright," I tell him.

He wraps his arms around me. He doesn't try to argue with me, he holds me the way I want him to.

Standing there with him makes me understand so much. All the things that mattered don't matter anymore when Slade is near me. I feel right when we're together. And I don't understand why it's not the same for him.

Nothing is his fault. I'm happy because of him. He's done more for me than any other person. We're not messed up when we're together.

And now all I can do is cry. I press my face into his shirt because something tells me he is not okay. I can feel it and I don't know what to do to fix it. Sex isn't going to fix this.

"Tell me what to do," I beg. I pull him closer not wanting even a millimeter stealing what we have.

"I don't know." He's angry, he tenses up when I touch his face and he pulls away when I try to kiss him. "I'm sitting here trying to figure that out. And I don't have an answer."

"I love you and you love me. What more can there be to figure out?"

"How I keep making your life worse. Let's figure out how if two people are supposed to be together why everything is so fucked up." He lets go of me, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know which way to fight anymore. I can only do so much. And nothing I am doing ever fixes anything, Hope."

I wipe at my eyes.

"I don't want to give up on us. But I feel like I am making everything harder on you. And it wouldn't be so god damn hard if I didn't care about you so much," he says.

I turn away. I can't look at him knowing he is right. Knowing everything we fight so hard to keep a hold of is slowly burning down. It's turning to ash all around us and we are walking through the fire.

It's not about love, if it was, things would be perfect and we would be fine. What's happening between us is fatal. It's tragic and I can't breathe.

He walks up to me, touching my face. "The thought of being without you is more miserable than anything I've ever went through." His kiss is deep and full of every emotion. Anger and sadness and devotion, it's all in there behind his lips. "But I don't want to hurt you over and over again."

"You're not hurting me," I tell him, and I mean it. The way everything is hurts but not him.

He presses his head against mine. He takes my hands in his. "I need you to promise me something."

"What?"

"Promise me you will tell me when you can't do this anymore."

I squeeze his hands. "I promise."

He pulls me close. "Because this inner voice keeps telling me I'm an idiot for ruining your life. But other parts of me want me to stay."

I can imagine what parts he means. One being his heart. "What would you do if you weren't here?"

"I would try to fix things so I knew you were alright. I would take care of my family. Make sure my sister is okay, she loses it sometimes when I'm gone."

We move to the bed and he holds me. His arms around me and we talk, about everything we want. About all the things it would take to make us happy and all the reasons it seems life plays such cruel jokes on us.

I trail a finger over the brand on his chest. He watches me, giving me one of his famous Slade smirks.

"You have me forever," his voice is soft. "You know that don't ya?"

I nod. "Yeah. Even if everything falls apart, I know we'll always be perfect for each other and in love with each other."

"Forever," he says against my ear.

"Forever," I say back.