The Queen & Her King (sequel to the princess & the lost boy) Completed

Chapter 29 - Prepare For Battle

(Ashlynn's P.O.V.)

            "And the boys know their spots and what they need to do exactly?" I questioned Felix as we looked over a clear map that I had created using my magic of the entire clearing and it's outskirts as well as any possible paths Morgana or Samuel would take to reach us.
            Today would be the day when Mithian and Annis would reach us, so I wanted to make sure that we were prepared and ready to go. Time had been flying by rapidly, keeping all of us on our toes. For the past several days, Pan and Felix had been running the boys through a countless amount of drills and having them practice shooting from the trees—without using dreamshade. They hadn't stopped until they were absolutely positive that the boys would be able to handle it. I wasn't entirely convinced yet, but that was just me being worried with the battle coming up so soon.
            We only have four days left before Morgana makes her move. Four days to get everything ready.
            "Yes, Ashlynn. They do. We've been over this for the hundredth time."
            "I know that, but—"
          "You want to be absolutely certain. Well, I'm telling you that everything will be fine when it comes to the boys. They're ready to do what is necessary. We're even ready for those two armies you have coming here. Our rations should last the four days if not more. All you have to do is give a motivational speech that will rally those knights. You're a Pendragon, so you should be good at those."
          I laughed at what he said. All because I'm a Pendragon I should be good at giving speeches? Please. I have never given a speech that would motivate anyone ever. I don't even know what I'm going to say. What would I say? Nothing I thought of seemed like the right thing to say. I am no Arthur Pendragon or even Uther, who despite all his brutality could lead men to war for a cause he believed to be right, even if it was driven by his fear and hatred of sorcery. But me? There's nothing special about me. Nothing that would motivate these warriors to fight for me. The only reason they were was because of old alliances and promises made with Arthur, the former King of Camelot who made everyone—apart from some of those with magic—believe that a new age of peace was in the horizon.
          The only real thing that was special about me was that I was the product of a dragon lord and a high priestess. Both of them mortal enemies. Tied together by destiny on the spinning wheel of time. Almost like two sides of the same coin. One of darkness and hatred; the other of light and love. Without the other there is no balance. Both halves making up a whole.
          "I can't tell you what to do, Ashlynn, but I think you should know that with you Pan is happier than I have ever seen him before. You may not need him, but he does need you. Frankly, I think you're the only one keeping him from descending further into the darkness. You're good for him."
          "I do love him, Felix, but Camelot must come before all else...even him."
          "I can't tell whether you're the most stupidest person I've ever known or the bravest," he shook his head. "I don't think I could do what you're doing. Giving away the chance for true love all for a kingdom."
          "I think Rufio would have been proud of me," I said softly. "He was always telling me how I should come back here and rule. He thought I was an idiot to stay in Neverland."
          "My brother didn't always know what he was talking about. You would have been better off ignoring him. I know I did on more than one occasion. Especially when he would try and convince me to leave Neverland with him. I refused to listen. I couldn't believe that he would want to give up on the family we had built on Neverland...with Pan...and the other boys. Now I know that he always felt like an outsider there. The wolf thing didn't help."
            I nodded in understanding. He alongside his brother had told me about what Rufio was capable...what he had done. Rufio had gone into more detail about his killings of some of the other boys. Apparently, no lost boy except for his brother and Pan who came around him escaped his basic animal instinct to kill. He said that he enjoyed listening to their screams. Relished in it. Enjoyed the sheer terror he brought to the boys meant to be his brothers as he ripped them all to shreds. As I recall, he told me how he scratched out their eyes, tore out their throats, mutilated their faces, and even ate their hearts. I was glad that I never got to see what he was capable of. Picturing these boys that I loved mutilated was an incomprehensible thought.
            "Felix," I said hesitantly, unsure if he would be willing to do what I needed him to, "if I asked you to do something of the upmost importance, would you do it?"
            "Of course. You're our Queen," he replied without hesitation.
            "Even if part of what I needed you to do meant keeping it from Pan?"
            And there it was. The hesitation I knew he would face. I expected no less. Pan is the only family he believes he needs and loyalty goes a long way on Neverland with Pan. Felix knows that and could never dream of hiding something from the boy that saved him and his brother from his father. They are brothers. Each other's confidant. Pan would trust Felix with anything and know that Felix wouldn't dare betray him. It's why he's Pan's right hand man.
            It was a risk to ask him to do what I needed, but he's the only one that I can rely on to follow through with my instructions. There was no one else to trust with such information. I couldn't very well secure it if something were to happen to me during the battle. If nothing went wrong, then what I had planned wouldn't be necessary. That would be clearly instructed to Felix if he agreed, which I hoped he did. Pan would take the news better if it came for Felix in the outcome that I did...die.
            "You really think my brother is capable of handling such a task?" Rufio chimed, leaning up against one of the posts that held up the tent the boys had put up for me.
Just when I thought I was free of him.
            "There is no getting rid of me, princess. You should know that by now. I'm not someone you can just make disappear with a snap of your fingers. I'm here for the long haul."
Why? I thought you said that you don't care about anyone or anything, so why are you still here?
            "That was before I met you, princess. Looks like you're a good influence on both Pan and I. Two heartless monsters that you taught to love. Who would have believed it?"
            I rolled my eyes. Pan is not heartless.
            "Of course he is," he pushed off the post and leaned over the desk to be eye-level with me. "He's a bloody demon, Ash. A ruthless murderer that has no remorse for his victims. A monster that kills for the fun of it. I know that some like to say that evil isn't born but more that it's made, but he's the exception. He was born evil. He's a villain! The worst of them all! He will always be the villain. No matter the story, the place, or the person. That's who he is at the end of the day until someone finally builds up the courage to end his life."
You're wrong, Rufio. He may have been a long time ago, but he's not now. Even if he was, he's never been the villain of my story. He's not a villain to me.
            "But I am, right?" He replied vehemently. "I'm the one that came between the two of you! The one that messed up your happy ending! Well guess what Ash, villains don't get happy endings. It's fitting, isn't it? The villain in the Ash and Pan romance ended up dead at the hand of the hero. He's blinded you as to who he really is. If you want the best for you children, you'll keep him as far away as possible from him. Especially the boy. He'll turn him into a killer if you're not careful."
He gave up one son. I doubt he'll take in another to raise on Neverland.
            "He would if you died. Those children will be the only thing he has left of you, Ash. Knowing him, he would do such a thing. Like Felix said, you're the only good thing in his worthless, miserable life. You would have been better off having not known him at all. Your life would have been different had you just used that magic bean to go to the Enchanted Forest to the woman named Belle. You could have escaped all of this."
This war was inevitable either way, Rufio. It was coming eventually. One way or another. And even if I had gone to the Enchanted Forest, Morgana would have only followed after me and slaughtered hundreds of people to get to me. To find me. The irony of it all is that I was far more safer on Neverland than I would have been in the Forest. And as much as I hate to admit it, I was also safe with you. Despite all your faults."
            "But you could never love me like you loved him, could you?"
I do love you, Rufio. I admitted. But I happen to love him more. I always loved him more. Always will. Even after all this is over and done with and he returns to Neverland, and I eventually marry. He will always be the love of my life. I'll love him even in death.
            "You're really ready to accept that he won't change his mind and stay in Camelot with you? Grow old with you? You're willing to give him up for your kingdom?"
I'm prepared to live with that.
            "Tell me something, Ashlynn. If I wasn't dead...if I were here and chose to stay here in Camelot, would you ever give me the chance to prove to you that I could make you just as happy as he could?"
            My mouth dropped open slightly at the hopeful expression that was plastered on his face. He seemed so vulnerable. More than what I had ever seen on him before. I don't think I've ever seen him stare at me with such vulnerability before. It didn't seem right for him to stare that way at me.
            "There are times where I wish that I had met you first. Before Pan. Before you left a lasting impression on him. Before you came back to Neverland and fell in love with him. I knew I never stood a chance with you. I had to use a love spell just to see if my instincts were right about...your feelings...towards me. But I want you to know," he grabbed my hand, "if I had met you before him, I never would have made you choose between me and your kingdom. I would have come with you. I would have made you happy. Gave you anything you would ever ask for. If only, huh?"
            "Maybe in another lifetime," I murmured.
            "Maybe," he whispered, this time in my head.
            "Ash? Ash?" I jumped out of my thoughts, snapping my head over in Felix's location as he began shaking me. "Are you alright? You weren't listening to anything I said."
            I looked over to where Rufio had been to find that he was gone before turning back around to Felix and mustering up a small smile. "Sorry, I was just thinking. What was it that you said?"
            "I'll do as you ask. I won't tell Pan."
            "Thank you, Felix," I said, hugging him, which surprised him by how he stiffened for several seconds until he began to hug me back. "I can't thank you enough."
            "Thank me once I do as you ask." He pried my arms off of him and set me a few feet away from him.
            Walking over to my satchel, I pulled out an envelope with my family's seal enclosing it and handed it over to Felix who tentatively took it but stared at it in confusion. It had taken me several hours of the night to finish it completely, but I had done it. Every time I wrote a sentence I ended up scribbling it out and starting over. I was sure I wasted a lot of paper before I was able to make all my scrambled thoughts seem remotely sane. I watched as Felix flipped over the letter and saw who it was addressed to...Pan.
            In it told him of how much I loved him and how much I was grateful for having him in my life from when I was a child to now. The adventure I embarked on changed me for the best. At least, I'd like to hope it did. I went on to tell him how he was the love of my life and how nothing would ever change that. And how he would always remain in my heart long after my death. I recounted on several memories I had of him and I together. Even pointing out the moment when I did fall in love with him on Neverland but also telling him when I fell in love with him the second time around when I had no idea of our past together despite my mother's spell. That took up the entirety of the first page of the letter.
            The second page told him of how much I did wish that I could go back to Neverland with him and live forever with him. Even how I would have helped him get the truest believer if it meant he could live. I would do anything for him. Anything he needed. Even how I would have loved to have a life of immortality with him before going on about how it was necessary for me to have stayed in Camelot. Because no matter how much Neverland may have become a home to me, Camelot was where I was born and raised. It was also where I would die. On the same land as my family.
            Then I got into the real reason for the letter. I told him of what happened between my mother and I when I went to meet her and how he was once again a father to two beautiful children. A son and a daughter. I could only imagine what his reaction would be when he read about that. I told him of their names and what they looked like, even telling him the names of the two women who took them. I asked him to find them and deliver them to Camelot, to Leon, to be cared for and raised to take over the throne one day. Leon would care for them as if they were his own and would make sure they want for nothing. He would be a good guardian. That was the first part. The second told him why I didn't tell him when I discovered the truth because I believed he would be distracted from the fight and would really try and convince me to return with him.
            Finally, I wrote saying that he would always have my heart and how I believed in him to get all that he wants. I know that he won't fail in getting the truest believer's heart. Mainly though, I told him that he doesn't need me to stay out of the darkness. He can do it all on his own. All he needs to do is believe. He's good at that. Anything is possible if he just believes. My last words to him told him that I hoped that someday he would find someone else to love and share his good heart with. He deserves someone that will spend all of eternity with him and will love him unconditionally with nothing holding her back. The one thing I could never do.
You're a hero in your own way, Peter. If you were truly the monster I once believed you to be, you never would have saved my life countless amounts of times before or helped me go to war against Morgana. I am sorry that I can no longer be at your side. I could wish for nothing more, but the harsh reality is that if you are reading this...I have long passed from this world into the other world. Don't worry. I've heard many stories of how beautiful it is. How peaceful. My only regret is that you were not there to see your children when they were born. I would have loved to see your reaction once you laid eyes upon them. They truly are beautiful. Please know that no matter how much I do not want to die...I do not fear death. For you see, to die will be an awfully big adventure. One that I'm ready for. Even if it means I will never see you again, my Peter, my love. Do not think too harshly of Felix—I hope he will be the one to give you this—he did not know what was in this letter. I only gave him instructions of what to do with it. If there's anyone you should be angry with, it is me. I just hope that with time, you'll forgive me for what I've done. Goodbye Peter Pan...goodbye my love. ~ Ashlynn Pendragon
            I brushed away the few tears that fell down my cheek. It had been worse writing it. I had been bawling my eyes out as I did. How I didn't get any watermarks on the paper surprised me when I was finished. The difficulty of it all was not waking Peter as he slept.
            "What do you want me to do with this?" Felix questioned.
            "Only on one occasion are you to give him this letter, am I clear?" He nodded. "Should I die in battle, I want you to give him this letter when you get back to Neverland."
            "What?" He snarled out.
            "Please, Felix. I need you to give him this if I die. If I do not, then you can burn this letter. It's contents will mean nothing anymore. This letter is only a precaution should anything happen. I need him to know if that happens. Otherwise I'll tell him everything in that letter myself before you leave."
            "What is in the letter, Ashlynn?"
            "I'm telling him goodbye, Felix," I choked out. "I'm telling him that I love him and about a secret that is killing me by keeping it from him, but it's a necessary evil for what needs to be done. If I die, I need him to do what I cannot. Everything I want to tell him is in that letter."
            "He won't take it well. He won't take your death well, Ash. This letter might send him off the edge."
            "He needs to know. Please, Felix, promise me you will only give him this letter if I am dead."
            A low guttural sound erupted out of his throat as he looked conflicted. "Alright, I promise."
            "There's something else," I said as the thought hit me.
            "What now?"
            I spun on my heel and pulled out another envelope. This one held a much different purpose but still required the same thing. Walking back over, I held out the envelope addressed to Leon, which Felix then took.
            "This letter will need to go to my head knight, Sir Leon. Pan has met him before. He'll know what Leon looks like. You will need to give him that letter as well. It addresses what I need him to do."
            "And what is that exactly?"
            I met his gaze, holding it for a few moments. "Rule," I plainly said as I unhooked the necklace around my neck that I hadn't worn for a while. On it was the royal seal of Camelot, a ring that I wore on a chain. Arthur once had it but gave it to me in the morning before he went to war against Morgana. Not once had I thought much of it. Until now. Running my fingers over the seal once more, I sealed my decision and handed it to Felix. "Give this to Leon. It will ensure that he has my sole authority to rule as my heir if anything happens to me."
            "And you think he'll survive the battle?"
            I chuckled softly. "He's survived being burned alive by a dragon, has been brought back from the brink of death, survived an onslaught of the dead, faced off against an immortal army, and after several years is still around today. I think I'm good. He will be a good king."
Until my son is old enough to take over as explained carefully in the letter.
            My son would then have the royal seal and would become King when he was much older after being taught how to rule. Leon would be a good guardian for my children. And being sworn to protect my family, he'd be honor bound to protect them as well.
            "I will do as you ask. Pan will never know, but tell me one thing."
            "What?"
            "What are you hiding from him?"
            I shook my head. "I can't tell you that Felix. Once Pan finds out, ask him."
            "Why not tell me now?"
            "Because it's between me and him. Leon will only know because I need him to prepare for that eventuality."
            "I don't like it, but I'll do as you say," he said, hiding the letters and necklace in his cloak somewhere.
            "Thank you," I whispered.
    ________
(Pan's P.O.V.)