The Sun's Binary star( Continuation Of High School Diary Of Kongpob) Completed

Chapter 8

Kong's diary

He said it was late. Too late. I lost him completely. It was my fault. If I had not offered to stop talking for one week this would not have come round this. If I had I not done that he would have been still with me. If I had not been jealous and blinded by rage I would not have lost him. Why was i not able to say that yes i love you when he asked me whether I was in love with him? Why was i not able to act matured? Not even once it hurt me when others treated me like choice or when they act as if i dont exsist. Why do i always have to lose the person i love to someone else all the time? Why do all the people i know have to choose the person who came next in their life? Why do i have to be a choice all the time? It hurts to the extend that I cannot breath. The tears dripped from my eyes non stop.  Why did he break the barrier in my heart. I made my heart like a stone and never once allowed anyone to enter in my life.

It first started when I was in my middle school my first friend was Aim after being my friend for 4 years he suddenly stopped talking to me simply saying that my life would have been better if I have not entered his life. I repeatedly tried to understand why he said that? Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt his feeling somehow? As far as I can remember nothing came to my mind and it was two days later I found out that he reconciled with his old friend. When he first came to me he said that he fought with his best friend and he threw him away for someone else. He cried in my arms everyday at last when his old friend return he did the same because that close friend of his doesn't want me near him because he didn't like me. Just like that he threw me away like a broken toy as if I have no feeling. Yes when that happened yes I was hurt I cried to my sister saying that a he don't want me to his friend anymore? When my sister said that I will understand it when I grow up how people are. I really cannot get it. I repeatedly asked her how can someone leave the person when they are with them they most wanted it. Aim did come and talk with me after 2 years saying sorry and he should not have treated me like that. When he said that I was not in the position to accept his friendship again. Because I don't want to go through the pain of being alone when I really trusted that someone will be with me. I just cannot bring to trust him again.

He was not the only person whom I lost that way it happened one after another then I finally understood that people talk with me when they wanted something and after when I am no longer needed to then they just throw me away like nothing matters. When it comes to Rome it is totally different he neither share his personal with me nor do I share with him. It's mostly like we are comfortable that way. When a help is needed we both are there for each other but it's mostly like a I know him and he knows me relationship.

Every damn thing changed when he entered my life. My sun Arthit. He was the only one who gave me the emotional comfort that I needed without even he realising it. He was the one who accepted me as I am and always helped me to grow up. When it comes to studies or music what ever it may be. He never said that I am good for nothing but he always slowly corrected every mistake I make and he never mocked me for the mistake that I do like my classmates do or so called my former friends did. I shut my heart and ears completely when others talk bad about me at one point none of them matter no matter what they talked or did I just kept to myself and never wanted to break that bubble until he came to my life.

He use to like me lot he said that i am the most important person in his life but now He hates me and it was all my fault if I had not been possessive if i had not tried to close him with me like how I try to close the palm with water I would not lost him. If I have not been so engrossed in my feelings. If I have just given one thought about what he feels or even if I asked this would not happened. I would not have lost him and it is entirely my fault. I hurt him to that extend and I am at fault.

He made me to come out of my bubble he made me talk talked my worries. He trusted me when I myself had no confidence or trust in myself. He said that I can do it because he believe in me. Just because of that I wanted to became good. If my old self was there I would have snapped when he said that he liked someone else. I would have just smiled and thought everyone is same but just because it's him I cannot take it. Just because he is the person to with whom I can be vulnerable just because I trust him a lot. Just because he is my Arthit.  My sun but I don't even have the rights to call him my Arthit not even my friend.