The Sun's Binary star( Continuation Of High School Diary Of Kongpob) Completed

Chapter 10

1st January 2015

Hello dear friend

It has been more than three and half years since I last contacted you. First I would like to say Happy new year. In this 3 years of time lot of thing happened. Do you know that I am doing my final year in engineering in Bangkok university. You cannot believe it right? Neither can I. If I have not met my sun I don't know I would have made to this extend. It's him who made me to push through my limit and made me to do thing which I never thought that I am capable of. I miss him. Yet he is not responding to my messages or mails. I miss him so much.

It's kind of funny, when you get to know that my nick name in college is heart breaker. They use to say that I break others heart with no care to it. Little they know that I am broken myself and I just don't want anyone who fall for me to go through that phase. Everytime someone say that they are in love with me do you know what comes to my mind. Why not him? With my heart which constantly longing for him how can I ever fall for someone else. Each and every time when someone say how good I am I always think that why I am not good for him. How can I give my heart that is already taken by someone else.

When you relate the irony you yourself will find it funny. Heart breaker? Me? Really I act cold and inconsiderate of others feeling but I am trying the most not to hurt others. Do you think that the girl or boy will be able to take it if the person who claims that he or she loves him is actually in love with someone else. It's better if I stay away right.

Rome said that I have to move on and forced me to accept a girl proposal. He convinced my saying that the fight between loved once are normal fight happens all the time but if one person keeps on begging and other person not even ready to hear to the others point of view then the relationship will be nothing but disaster. At one point the person who holds the relationship will get hurt and it will bdcome a ugly memory. So it is better to let go of the thing when the memory is still there when the love is still availabile. Letgo of it before it changes to hate. Let go of it before nothing other than anger remains. Thats what he said to me so tried.

I tried to fall for someone other thanmy sun but it didn't even last a week and I broke up with her. Not once it happened thrice and Everytime the same end. When I think about it I feel so dirty and disgusting about my own self. I hurt them a lot at least my only pacifier is that I didn't give them any promise neither I said them I like them. I said them I will try know them but it's when I came to know that I am not fit to be with anyone else. Even if they shower all the love they have for me. I still feel so vacant. Maybe because they are not him. He ruined me completely emotionally for anyone else.

How can I be with someone when all the time the questions why not him comes to my mind? I feel like I am cheating them and also myself. I cannot take it. This is when I understood that the love is the feeling that should come on its own you can never force to like anyone. If that happens it will only end by hurting each other and I also understood one more thing. Though he treat me like I am nothing to him I cannot stop loving him and once if you love someone the love is always there and it never vanishes but people just try to ignore and move on with their life saying that they don't love them.

Whatever it is one thing is sure he ruined me for anyone else other than him but i still like the pain and the longingness. I miss him a lot.

I hope that he is living life happily with his love and I don't want him to undergo  my pain. Just stay happy Arthit Happy new year. I love you and always will.