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H e a l i n g~ I'm Weak - And there's nothing wrong with that

As woman striving to improve, we take bold steps towards loving ourselves in a world where we are treated less.

We tend to think we must be tough to be taken seriously.

When our tough skin cracks, we push forward with grit and grace.

When the walls made of mended hearts we've worked so hard to build collapse, we're ashamed to show weakness because we've tried so hard to keep up this wall of strength and resilience.

It's easy to accept and move on from minor mistakes, but when I mess up really bad and I feel like the world's biggest idiot. My thoughts become vultures and circle and poke around my head for days:

"You should've seen this coming."

I'm ashamed I'm not as strong as I think I am, I'm ashamed I didn't realize I knew what I was getting myself into, and so shame is my trigger emotion.

My real friends have seen me broken in every way; they can navigate the scars under my sleeves and notice the slight hunch in my shoulders when I hold myself upright, and the creases in my smile default into a frown.

Everyone sees a woman who carries a sense of worth that demands to be respected and 'tough girl' demeanor that intimidates you.

It hurts to know that when I'm on my knees crying, I'm not as strong as they think. They all saw it coming and thought I could pull it together; they saw something I didn't.

But this doesn't make me a weak person.

Just because I didn't know at the time what was wrong or what I was doing was wrong meant that I was learning something.

I read a quote somewhere that reminds me of high school but can be applied in the workplace too: When you look back at something you did and cringe, it means you learned something.

Saying you should've known better doesn't get me anywhere. Life is a learning process; you learn something new every day.

Say you've been a writer for the past five years. One day, you realized you've been spelling this word wrong for awhile now.

So, does this make you a bad writer? No. You learn from it, you correct it, and continue being a great writer.

Maybe you thought 'Thailand' was pronounced as thigh-land and you've been asking for thigh-food all your life. Does this make you bad at English even though you're perfectly fluent? No.

Maybe you didn't realize your family dynamic until you got older and maybe you weren't ever really being the best sister or daughter. You notice it now and the shame starts to eat you alive.

Everyone learns something about themselves every day, and you learning that today doesn't make you bad. You can't learn everything at your age.

You've been a human for over a decade – not knowing something doesn't make you bad at living.

You learn and move on in a better direction with hopes of not ending back in the same spot again.

Just keep pushing through the days – knowing anything can happen – and that life is about lessons; some lessons are taught in horrible painful ways and others are taught with a more pleasant experience.

Lessons are lessons; we can't avoid them, we can't always feel good about them; but we can take them and move on with them.

Aim high and expect miracles, honey.

Trust the process.

SINCERELY, AZIA