All my life, I've struggled to accept I was a freak.
As a creative people, we love expressing ourselves in ways that not many people understand.
We know we see the world differently than other people.
We don't think the same way as everyone else.
Sometimes we eat lunch alone.
We're a bit weird.
Our quirks aren't glamorous.
We weren't born to fit in.
A normal person stares at us like we're dangerous, or they steal glances in disapproval at our taste of clothes or strange antics or outlandish ideas.
I've tried to fit inside society's box, but my creativity is like a muscle: it starts to cramp in confinement. I'm uncomfortable and trapped and a voice inside of me screams to 'Get Out!'
In this world, we're surrounded by these boxes and I feel like an outlier because I can't fit into them. Conforming feels like putting on someone else's skin and wearing a face that feels bought and having thoughts lacking depth.
Sometimes, I stop trying to fit in and show people what I see; a world without boxes.
But the people I show aren't impressed.
It hurts knowing I've let people in who questioned what I see with amusement.
It hurts knowing I've let others mock what I believe in.
It hurts knowing I'm scared to let the world know I'm a freak.
It hurts knowing I'm worried what other people think about me.
It hurts knowing I let the search for people's affirmations stop me from believing in my own.
We're afraid to show people how we express ourselves because we've been raised in a world of judgement – expressing yourself is making yourself vulnerable; exposed; open for criticism.
The world tells us to keep your doors closed, put your heads down and stay in line; the world hates change.
But people like us need some sort of outlet to release what the world fears: Creativity.
So we secretly poke our heads when no one is looking and do what the world doesn't want us to:
Create. Make change. Work outside the rules.
Now we got this amazing work we've done. We spent hundreds of hours in secrecy on these personal projects that no one knows about. This can be stories, YouTube videos, practicing hidden talents – things we're passionate to create and are begging to be shared with the world.
As creative people, we're scared to show our work – even to our closest friends and family.
And even when we do find the courage to share it; we're singing with inspiration and high on motivation, so we stop pacing in front of our computer screen and click the Publish button.
Suddenly our work is out there for millions to see.
Including your friends,
Your teachers,
Your crush,
Your mom.
You run back and delete your work.
"Phew, that was close."
Even when tasting the spontaneity of freeing our work and broadcasting our peculiar, true selves, society gives us one sign of rejection and we immediately regret it.
As soon as we open up to someone about our creative work, we instantly play defence and our instinct is to play off our work as a possible joke – that way, if they think it's silly, we can say it's silly too to avoid the awkwardness.
"So, you're a Youtuber? That's dumb, isn't it?"
"Ha ha... yeah..." *Excuse me while I go to my car and cry ha ha*
It's easier to laugh at something and pretend to not believe in it than stand up against the laughter; it takes courage we aren't born with. Courage we must practice to be good at.
Instead of breaking the dam and flushing out our riveting passion, we poke small holes through our work and laugh along with the normal people that watch:
"This is what I made. I know it's not that great. Haha. I know, I'm such a loser."
We downplay ourselves not because we don't think the world is ready but because we don't think we're ready for the world.
If you can't even take yourself seriously, why do you think anyone else will?
Your work is not a joke. Your work is unique – you're bringing something to the table that no one else has.
Your work doesn't fit into their eyes because your work isn't meant for boxes.
Your work doesn't need their approval.
Starve your work from other people's affirmations; it can survive on its own with just yours. Feeding your work with someone else's approval is weak.
You want to know why?
The normal people will never accept us.
They will never encourage us.
They will not care if we succeed.
Stop worrying about what they think because they will not think – they will take one look at what we do and spit on it. Their measuring tapes are used to scold, not to track growth.
We spend most of our life, or at least our youth, thinking we need other peoples' affirmations to be legitimate.
"Great job!"
"I love your work!"
"You have a gift."
The only way you're going to be accepted is not from other people.
You need the affirmations from yourself.
You need to be okay with being a freak.
And that starts with you.
The reason why you can't fit into their box is because you were meant to create your own.
Own your shit and be okay with the fact you are different,
You are born to do things no one else can do.
You are creation's first and last chance to be you.
Just as you are today.
Make it count.
***
A/N: Us creatives must stand together and love the freak inside of us.
Tag all the creative freaks you know and let 'em know they are appreciated, admired and loved.
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Sad Girl Clapback *Now Available in Amazon*
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