Overthinking, overthinking, overthinking.
You do that, don't you?
When I was a kid, I spent hours in bed—not sleeping—but having imaginary experiences and conversations.
My 'What if' scenarios were nightmares disguised as daydreams because I was building expectations and setting myself up for disappointment, knowing those scenarios wouldn't actually happen.
Now that I'm much older, wiser, more articulate and experienced in life,
I still do the exact same fucking thing,
but on a micro level.
Exhibit A: I'm a Text Analyst; I overanalyze my texts like crazy. For example, I obsess whether or not using a period is important.
"Why did they use a period? Do they hate me? Did I say something wrong? Maybe I should call up my friend and spend an hour discuss all possible meanings of this single text for the next two hours.
...
Yes. That seems like a good use of my time."
There are countless moments I overthink about something that isn't worth it and I'm sucked into this mind-numbing trap made up of obsession and draining stress.
As someone who regularly self-reflects, I tend to see my life in retrospect when I'm lying in bed or waiting at the bus stop.
I think about what I did that day, who I interacted with and what I could've said or done to make that situation better or, usually, less embarrassing (trust me—I'm nineteen years of proof that God has a sense of humour).
But there is a strong difference between insightful reflection and overthinking.
Self-reflection can turn from being productive into something harmful once you begin to think negatively, which can carry into self-loathing and as a result, drop you into a negative feedback loop.
Ruminating can be habitual, which rewires the brain and can perpetuate depression, sleeping problems, anxiety and self-harm.
And as people who rethink situations because we want to better ourselves for the future, the last thing we need is to hurt ourselves in the process.
The only expenses to self-growth should be growing pains like heartbreak or the exhausting climb up our mountain of insecurities that we need to overcome in order to accept ourselves as who we are. We shouldn't have any more burdens—life is already busy enough.
My favourite Youtuber shared a quote that changed my outlook on overthinking that really resonated with me and I'm excited to share it with you:
Your psychological response to an event is actually more important than what happened to you.
Read it again, slowly, because the best things come in twos (like Cole and Dylan Sprouse).
Your psychological response to an event is actually more important than what happened to you.
In other words: How you respond to what happened, is more powerful and important, than what literally happened.
Exhibit B: When someone breaks up with you, what can do you the most harm?
The fact that the person left you,
Or, your thoughts on the fact that they left you.
You don't need to be the next Marvel hero to discover your own superpowers. Your mind is the most powerful force you can control. Once you truly understand why something hurts, it stops hurting.
So how do you control your mind to stop overthinking? How do you control your thoughts?
Young fools accept responsibility for their actions.
Mature souls accept responsibility for their thoughts.
Control your mind by learning to accept responsibility for your thoughts, and naturally, you will accept responsibility for your own happiness too.
Your psychological response is something you can control, as opposed to what the other person did to you.
In any situation you're in, say aloud what factors you can control. It will change your perspective and help you focus your energy on the factors that are in your power (Go self-empowerment!).
But habits can't just change overnight. What other things can you do to stop overthinking?
1. Be Active & Get Busy
Take your dog for a walk or let your dog walk you. Get those gains at the gym to distress, or if endurance and strength isn't your forte, train your mind by meditating with the Headspace app. Practice mindfulness by joining a yoga class. Take on a new hobby, discover a new book, or hang out with good friends.
You're overthinking because you're literally giving yourself time to overthink. Don't give yourself that option.
2. Focus on what you can do better next time.
After a Weights Gone Wild episode at the gym and you reread your favourite book series for the fourth time, and you still can't seem to shake off the thought, think about the event in a positive light.
Instead of constantly telling myself, "I suck. I did something wrong", I find the point where I went wrong and strategize a way where if the same event occurs again, I know what I can do differently to better the situation and prevent myself from being in the same position I'm in now.
Practice the mantra. Rephrase it if that sticks with you better:
Your psychological response is more important than the actual event that happened.
When I tell people about my solution to overthinking, I like to reword it in a way where I understand it best:
Your thoughts, can do more harm to yourself, than the person that actually hurt you.
Sometimes, I think about why I'm overthinking about an event.
When you understand why something really hurts, it stops hurting.
So I ask myself, why am I letting these thoughts hurt me?
People always tell me it's because I care about a certain person or my relationship with them. If you ever feel you are overthinking because it stems from love and your compassion for someone, ask yourself what is more important: Your health; self-love or your love for someone else.
I'm pretty sure if its real love, that person wouldn't want you to put yourself through the dangers of dwelling at the expense of their actions.
People like you, the ones that aren't afraid to challenge and not let society stop you from looking deeper into something, are what this world needs. Take on the role to learn how to use this special gift.
The reason you think about it so much, the reason you care so much, even worry so much is because there still exists between you and life, a passionate love affair.
And because of this, everything is going to be just fine.
Life is 5% what happens to you and 95% how you react to it. Think on that.
_______________
Ig: @azia_mery
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