I'm still into you. (Book 2)

Capitulation?

A week after my first chemo treatment I went back to work, I had been feeling extremely guilty for taking three weeks off work. Domingo kept reminding me that I had to think of myself a little more and he had expressly forbidden me to go back to my original shifts.

Luckily for Domingo, my boss had agreed with him and I was allowed back for no more than six hours a day but that was enough. I love Dom and Emily but I miss working, it was like part of me was missing when I couldn’t be with the kids on a daily basis.

So I dressed that morning and wished Domingo good luck on his marking, then I left the house making my way to the hospital. When I arrived it was to mixed looks, some were of pity, some were happy to see me and my closest colleagues were angry that I wasn’t taking it easy. However, when I explained the need to take my mind of it their expression’s softened.

When I went into my office Nancy the cook from the canteen was waiting for me, she and I were pretty close and she always kept me the best batch of cookies for my afternoon break. When I shut the door behind me she turned to look at me and promptly burst out crying, like a mother would, she came over and began to fuss over me until I stopped her.

I asked her to calm down and told her I would be fine, her reaction was the same as my mothers had been. My mum had cried down the phone and had yelled at my dad to book her some flights to England, I stopped her and told her it wasn’t necessary and it took some convincing but eventually she stopped in Albuquerque.

When I had calmed Nancy down and sent her on her way, I grabbed my stethoscope and began my rounds around the long term children. It turned out to be a lot harder than I had thought, I had to keep taking breaks to keep my strength up because I was feeling weak after the Chemo.

I was feeling even more run down than ever but I refused to give up and go home, I loved my job and with just a little perseverance I knew I could get through the day. It was only six hours and I should be able to make it through those without collapsing and worrying Domingo.

Over the next week however I just got worse, weaker. I had been through another batch of Chemo and now I couldn’t talk properly because my mouth was full of sores and ulcers. Everything I ate came back up instantly so because of the lack of nutrients I was losing weight extremely fast.

What was more disturbing was when I wasn’t being sick I was constantly on the toilet with a bout of diarrhoea leaving me dehydrated. It was like nothing I could do would help, I felt like I was fighting a losing battle.

After my third batch of Chemo and with no good news regarding the cancer I was almost a breaking point. I was attempting to work but I could walk not more than thirty minutes without feeling like I was about to keel over.

Domingo was beside himself because I was still being stubborn about work, but even I was beginning to think I was not fit to work. I was starting to become terrified of doing something wrong, misdiagnosing someone or even giving them the wrong treatment.

I was sitting at my desk attempting to do my paperwork but I was so tired that the words were swimming off the page and I couldn’t focus. My door opened and my boss walked in, straight away I could tell she had caught me at my weakest point and I appreciated the fact that there was no look of pity in her eyes.