I'm still into you. (Book 2)

Time to fight!

When we got back from the cottage Domingo had to go back to work again, the summer holidays were over and he had to start preparing his kids for the upcoming examinations that would place them in groups. He was a little stressed about it all because he said he would much rather be at home looking after me but I convinced him that I was in a much better place now.

When Dom had left for work I told Lena that I would like to go visit Emily’s grave today because I hadn’t been back as promised, what with everything that was going on. I wanted to take my Emily with me and introduce them so Lena wrapped Emily up tight and put her in the pushchair for me.

She somehow managed to convince me that it would be sensible if she joined me, she knew I was capable of looking after Emily but she was worried that I might become too tired. She assured me she would keep her distance at the graveyard but I told her that it was unnecessary, nevertheless when we arrived she went to a small café just outside while I walked the pushchair over to the grave.

I sat down on the grass and brought my sleeping baby closer to me so that I could see if she woke up or not. Then I began to just talk to Emily, I talked about how everything had turned out wrong and that I was fighting for my life like she had. I admitted that I hadn’t been as brave as her though and I was a little ashamed of that.

I told her we still missed her and I thanked her for sending us Emily, who was growing rapidly and could almost walk now. As I talked I cleared away the dying flowers and replaced them with the ones I had brought with me, I placed a small teddy bear beside them and picked all of the rubbish up from around her stone.

The more I talked the more selfish I felt about how I had been acting lately, when Emily was alive her dying wish was to see Domingo and me with a baby. Yet I have spent the last few months wallowing in self-pity because I had mouth sores and I had lost my hair.

Emily always had a way of making you look on the bright side of life and I was happy that I had come here today. She made me realise once again that there were things more important, things worth fighting for and she didn’t send my daughter to me for me to give up.

Fight, it was time to fight this!

I stood up and said goodbye to Emily then I pushed the stroller through the graveyard and back to the café where Lena was waiting. I told her that I needed to go back to the hospital to find out what I needed to do next to beat this cancer, I may be a doctor but I am a patient too and I needed help.

She smiled at me and wished me luck then she took Emily and headed home while I made my way back into London and towards the hospital. When I arrived I told them that I wanted to see Dr Alana White, I wasn’t scheduled for an appointment but it was important. They told me to take a seat and a few minutes later they told me she was busy with another patient but if I was willing to wait she would see me straight afterwards.

I ended up waiting around forty five minutes but when I walked in she greeted me warmly and told me she had been trying to call me all day. I apologised as I had left my mobile at home and asked her what was wrong, I told her I had come out of my dark patch and I wanted to win this battle. She simply smiled at me as she pulled out my file from the cabinet under her desk.

“You’re already winning the battle Charlie.”

“What?”

“Your last batch of chemo was a success and the cancer is reducing, a few more treatments and I am positive you will be in complete remission.” She beamed.

I sat there trying to process this new information, I had come here with the hope of having more treatment to fight off the cancer when in reality I was getting better all along. Tears of joy fell down my face, even though Dr White was telling me that it was too early to be completely positive and she was outlining the treatment I still needed to go through.

I didn’t care, I was winning. After all of the stress, the phase of almost giving up on it all, the pain in my body and my hair loss I was winning! I thanked her and left the hospital, I didn’t know what to do at first as I was a bit dazed but I snapped out of it and jumped on the tube heading towards Domingo’s school.

I couldn’t wait until he got home to tell him this I needed to tell him now, after everything we had been through together he deserved this good news. I knew I still had a long way to go and I would need to remind him of that fact too but the point was the cancer was shrinking, slowly but surely I was getting better.

I jumped off the tube, careful not to push myself too far I was still tired and I didn’t want to fall in this crowd of people. I carefully made my way to the school and asked to see Domingo Mendez, I had only been to the school once before so they didn’t really recognise me but when I mentioned that I was his husband she smiled and let me through telling me he was in the staffroom on a free period.

When I knocked on the door he opened it surprised, he must have been expecting a student. His face fell and he quickly patted me up and down to make sure that I was ok, whilst asking me what was wrong over and over again. I laughed and told him that I was the same, feeling happier but physically the same as before and he let out a breath of relief.

He pulled me into his arms for a hug and I gripped him back, since my news everything seems better to me. It was like everything had gone back to the way it was before the cancer, I wasn’t trying to slowly separate myself anymore I wanted to cling on for dear life.

He led me into the staff room where one other teacher was sitting in an armchair drinking coffee, she smiled at me and said hello when I came in and Domingo sat me on the couch. He asked me why I was here and the other teacher stood up to leave to give us some privacy, I told her it wasn’t necessary but she smiled and left anyway.

“I went to the hospital today.”

“Oh and?” He asked nervously.

“The cancer is shrinking, Dr White said with a few more treatments I will probably be in complete remission!” I beamed.

It took a while for that to sink in for Dom and I sat there in silence waiting for it all to click, what I didn’t expect was for him to burst into tears. He placed his head in his hands and he just sobbed, I moved closer to him and tried to soothe him, I wasn’t sure what was wrong.

He looked up and pulled me into a bone crushing hug again, kissing my ear over and over as he cried it all out. Then he started to laugh through his tears, it was all very confusing but I waited patiently for him to pull himself together.

“I was so worried you would give up before we got that news, I didn’t want to even think about the fact that you might not make it but I can’t deny it was there the whole time. To hear this now…god Charlie to know that I won’t lose you...I can’t even tell you how happy I am right now!”

I laughed along with him now, we had reached the bottom and it would be all uphill from now on. Things could only get better for us and I hoped that in another month or two I would be able to tell my family that I was cancer free.