His Weakness, Her Liberation

Miami, Part One / Prolouge

I was in Miami for the weekend for my best friend's birthday and heard that Michael B. Jordan was in town for this film festival and I was hopeful that I'd at least get to see him from a distance, but I never could have imagined what would have happened by the end of my trip.

After kicking it on the beach until the sun beat us into submission, we stopped at the hotel's outdoor bar and planned to finish our drinks at the pool. I was tipsy after drinking all afternoon, so when I bumped into a handsome stranger on my way to my poolside seat, it took a second to realize who I'd stumbled upon. As my drink spilled all over the strangers chiseled core, I looked up and to my appreciative surprise, the stranger was Michael.

I gasped, but almost immediately said, "Chill bitch," in hopes that talking to myself would some how ease my nervousness.

I'm the same age as Michael, the middle child and had parents who had been married for more than 30 years, just like him. I always thought that was something that could be a point of connectivity if we ever got the chance to, well, connect. I'm a plus size woman, I'm beautiful (if I do say so myself), but plus size nevertheless. I never let that fact deter me from carrying myself in an confident manner, but you know, some people, especially men, can't see past that.

After I'd crashed into him with my drink, the first thing he said was, "wow." I didn't know what kind of "wow" he meant; like 'wow I can't believe this girl spilled her drink all over me,' or 'wow, she's so beautiful I don't don't know what to say, wow.' I replied with "wow" in return, not knowing what else I could say to stay in his presence just a little while longer. My lack of wit in that moment worked against me, as he soon walked away and left me regretting not saying more.

I was still beating myself up an hour or two later, so I sauntered over to the bar to drink my regret away.

As I waited for my caipirinha, I heard a husky voice say, "You know you owe me a drink now right?"

My stomach twisted into a hundred knots as I realized it was Michael. I turned and saw his beautiful smile and dimples.

"What a man," I said before I could catch myself. I was in a trance. I tried to play it cool, but at this point I didn't know which way was up. My eyes had never seen a more beautiful human being. Michael grinned and pulled up a chair next to me and just started talking like we'd known each other forever. I'd never connected with someone so quickly, I had a feeling he hadn't either. We talked so long that we lost track of time and as the sun set, I knew our time together would soon come to an end.

Eventually his friends walked over to the bar and notified him they would have to leave soon to make it to the club he'd been contracted to appear in that night. As I felt things wrapping up, I decided I would shoot my shot, even if it wasn't subtle. I typed every detail about myself I could think of in a note on my iPhone and decided if he didn't ask for my number, I would airdrop my info. He didn't ask, so I airdropped my shit as he walked away and hoped I would see him again.

I didn't, at least not that night. The following night I couldn't sleep, so I walked down to the pool to clear my mind. The sound of the water from the pool and the nearby ocean soothed me and I laid back and closed my eyes.

A short while later, I heard a voice say, "Can I join you?" I opened my eyes and there was Michael, standing over me. Naturally, I said yes and he and I just laid by the pool and said nothing for a while. He must have had a lot on his mind too.

Despite the moonlight shining above us, the Miami heat was relentless and temperatures remained in the upper 80s. After an hour of silence, I got up without saying a word and submerged myself into the cool water. Michael followed suit. I watched him as the water covered his body and he approached me in the pool.

When we met a day earlier, he didn't give me any indication he was interested in me, so as he inched closer to me, I didn't think much of it. We talked and laughed and as I leaned against the edge of the pool, he abruptly said, "You're beautiful." I froze. Michael was the beautiful one. As we conversed, his humility shocked me and turned me on at the same time. How could a man as fine as he was be so grounded?

I nervously laughed off his compliment and kept talking like it never happened. Then he grabbed my waist and said, "I know you heard me." I admitted that I did, but told him didn't know what to say. He didn't say a word, but just looked at me intensely as he moved his body closer to mine. I could tell I was excited because as he pulled me into his body, I could see my chest expanding, struggling to take in enough air. I tried to catch my breath, but the closer he got, the less in control I became.

Soon, our bodies were so close I could hear
him breathing. We locked eyes but neither of us said a word. Then as if someone called his name urgently, he left the pool and said good night. As I watched his strong body glisten moving farther and farther away, I said to myself, "What the hell was that?" And for the second time, wondered if I'd ever lay eyes on him again.

I was relieved that he didn't try to do more. I would have probably welcomed more, but I'm happy nothing else happened. I'm a 30 year old, college-educated Black woman, but I haven't had much experience in relationships or with men in general. The last boyfriend I had was when I was 17. Crazy right? That boyfriend was only person I was sexually intimate with and as teenagers, neither one of us knew what our bodies truly desired from a sexual partner. I'd alway been reserved in the sex department, or private at least. I was first introduced to sex through pornography when I was about 10 years old, after stumbling upon late night programming on HBO. I was curious about the pleasure and intimacy of sex after seeing those visuals and now some 20 years later, I was curious again.

I'd never known the pleasure of a grown man inside me. I wanted to know the feeling, yes, but because I hadn't allowed anyone access to that space since I was 17, I was unwilling to let just anyone in. I was curious, yet sensible. Horny, but still prude as hell. I hadn't even kissed anyone since I was 19. I was also relieved because if Micheal had tried anything more, it would have changed my view of him. It would have made me think he was just like any other guy looking for some easy ass. That wasn't me and I sensed he knew that.

The next morning my friends and I were having brunch in the hotel lobby and as I saw Michael exit the elevator I sighed in excitement and annoyance, anticipating we'd have another strange encounter. We didn't though. He didn't even see me as I waved in his direction. Or maybe he did see me and chose to ignore me. There was a beautiful woman who exited the elevator with him and disgustingly cackled at everything he said. I wondered who she was and who she was to him.
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I awakened out of my sleep delirious. I thought I heard my phone ringing, but was unsure because before I could grab my phone, I glanced at the hotel clock and saw it was 2:45 a.m. Who could be calling me at this hour? I finally found my phone after fumbling around in the dark. The screen said private. I rarely answer the phone when someone calls who isn't in my phone book, but private? I never answer private. The phone finally stopped ringing.

I'd been asleep for a few hours, I think. I got stupid drunk after Michael igged me in the lobby. I felt stupid that I thought he'd be interested in me, that we somehow connected. I guess deep down I knew it was nothing because I didn't even tell my friends about our encounter at the pool, they probably wouldn't have believed me anyway.

My thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock at the door. At least I thought it was the door. It couldn't be right? It's after 3 a.m. now. As I rolled over trying to ignore what had to be imaginary knocking, there it was again, more knocking, this time more deliberate. I sprung out of bed in frustration, but the fact that I was still drunk from earlier that night caused me to stumble towards the door as my brain was trying to move faster than my body would allow. I opened the door.

It was Michael.