His Weakness, Her Liberation

Wow, Again

The next month was great. Despite spending a lot of time together working on the details of the donation, Michael and I were doing great job of keeping things professional. Of course I was still attracted to him and there were moments when he hugged me too long or he'd catch me watching him from afar, but that was it. We connected in Miami, but every time we'd gotten together in Atlanta, it was all about sex. This month reminded me how easy it was to talk to him and how much he valued my presence and opinion on important matters in his life. I hadn't been drinking as much lately because I realized that every time I got drunk, I was insatiable and Michael was always willing to quench my thirst.

I was especially feeling even more like myself the last few days because Michael was on break from filming his movie and returned home to L.A. until after Thanksgiving; which was great because my birthday was the week before and I wanted to get lit. My friends decided they were going to plan my birthday this year and they assured me it was going to be epic.

"Girl so what we doing for my birthday? I'm dying to know Crystal."

Crystal was my best friend who I'd known since college, we just clicked the first time we met. She was like a sister to me.

"I told you it's a surprise. Now let me ask you a question. Why didn't you tell Michael your birthday was coming up?"

I finally decided it was time to tell her about Michael and I after he pledged that large gift in my name. She was pissed at me for not telling her sooner but she understood why I didn't too.

"I don't know. I guess I didn't want him doing anything extra for me. Or maybe I didn't want to expect something of him and then be let down if he didn't do anything or forgot. This way, I won't get hurt."

"See that's your problem now. You're always trying to control things. Give him a chance."

"Give him a chance for what, Crystal? I don't even think he's that interested in me."

"Why do you think that?"

"Well, he hasn't ever tried to have sex with me."

She looked at me confused, knowing we'd had sex three times before.

"I mean, he hasn't ever initiated sex with me."

"And how could he? You stopped answering his phone calls. Remember that? What about the morning after y'all had sex the first time?" She retorted.

"Well he kinda did, but I had to push him to start. I literally put his hand on my boob, so I don't think that counts."

"And you don't think he's interested? What about all of that money, his hard-earned money he gifted in your name? Men who are uninterested in a women don't do that Janeé. Wake up, sis."

I couldn't argue with her points. She was right. Right? I hadn't second-guessed myself so much since I was in college. When we had sex I felt liberated, but I was soon left with this sense of insecurity, which caused me to keep him at a distance. Our relationship is unlike any other I've had. He's an amazing person, but for some reason I only want sex with him. I never thought I was the kind of person who could do the friends with benefits thing but I guess I am. It's scaring me a little, which is why I asked for things between us to be professional; I needed space to figure things out.

What Crystal said stayed with me during the weeks leading up to my birthday. Michael's absence was bittersweet. I felt like I could breathe and it gave me a realistic idea of what life would be like once we were done working together and he was off filming his next movie in another city. He kept his promise to me and remained professional, only emailing me about potential community projects we could do with the money. I was actually a little surprised that he never called or even texted because we had gotten personally close in the process. We never kicked it outside of my job or the occasional coffee shop, but there were many times when we both shared things with each other that only friends would. I wondered if he missed me.

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I finally figured out my friends had gotten us a reservation at this restaurant I was dying to try and planned to take me to a club afterwards. I was the worst person to surprise because I could sense when people were trying to do something behind my back and I was nosy. Once I'd found out about the club, I tried to talk them out of it, but they reminded me that I agreed to do whatever they'd planned. I was never big on the club, in fact I hated the club. You stand around in your heels all night hoping not to get hit on by some broke dude trying to stunt.

In the weeks Michael was gone, I was working out and eating right again. I had lost some weight before Miami, but after I met him and didn't hear from him after returning to Atlanta, I was off my game. Thankfully my body is receptive to positive change, so once I got back into my groove the weight stared melting off. I'd lost about 15 pounds since I last saw Michael. I was feeling and looking really great, just in time for my 31st birthday. I decided to wear an emerald green wrap dress that hugged every curve I possessed.

After a great dinner filled with lots of wine and a few shots, I was feeling tipsy, but not quite tipsy enough to not roll my eyes when our Uber pulled up to the club. There was a long line.

Great, I thought as my friends pulled me out of the Uber.

It was November in Atlanta, so it was just really starting to got cold outside. Standing out here was going to kill my buzz. We'd just began walking towards the back of the line when a well-dressed security guard stopped us and told us we could skip the line.

"What's the catch?" I asked annoyed.

He smiled and said "No catch, I just think you're beautiful is all."

"You're not too bad yourself." I was flirting back partially because I wanted to get out of the cold and because he was cute. If I had a type, he would be it. Tall, smooth dark skin, and great teeth. We followed him to the front of the line and into the club. "Hopefully I'll see you again tonight?" I said as he escorted us in. He grinned widely, nodded his head and went back outside.

As we headed to the bar, Crystal exclaimed, "Girl you and this dress are on fire tonight, can you wear it every time we go out?!"

I jabbed her with my elbow and laughed. Maybe coming here wasn't such a bad idea. It was giving my confidence a much needed boost. I was glad we got inside because when the clock struck 12 a.m. on my birthday, I certainly didn't want to be standing in line and outside in the cold.

When we got to the bar, a man offered to buy my drink and asked if my friends and I wanted to join his friends at their section. I'd never been in a club section and the dude wasn't that cute, but my feet were already hurting, so I quickly agreed. Hopefully his friends were cuter than he was. As the guy led us to his section, I finally had a chance to really take in the club. There was velvet seating and people everywhere. The lighting helped set the sexy mood. I felt the drinks I had earlier tonight working their way through my system and I felt sexy too. This place just felt different from any club I'd been to, it was a vibe and I was happy to be here.

As the guard opened the velvet rope to let us in, I was pissed because the section was packed. It was like this dude had invited half the club up here.

Stunting niggas, I thought angrily.

The guy turned around and pointed to an area that looked to have some open seating and he told me to order whatever we wanted. Maybe he was aight after all. This was biggest section I'd ever seen. I saw a few local celebrities on our way to our seats, but I was never the type be excited about celeb sightings, except for Michael, of course. I continued what felt like a hike, thanks to my heels and those drinks, until I felt a hand on my wrist stopping me. I tried to break free without turning around, but the grip around my wrist was too strong to escape. I rolled my eyes as I turned around to see Michael discreetly sitting amongst the crowd in the over-populated section. He stood up, still holding my wrist and said "Wow," just like he did the first time we met in Miami. This time I was sure what kind of 'wow' he meant. It almost felt like we were meeting for the first time again.