His Weakness, Her Liberation

Alexandra

Alexandra hadn't been at my place long when Janeé came and well, you know what happened. I flew Alex out for the weekend because I missed her. She's been there for me for a long time and was honestly my best friend. She practically lived at my house in LA, my family got along with her great and I was happy when I was with her. It's never easy being in a close relationship with the opposite sex, and like many, we'd had sex in the (recent) past on more than one occasion. I could sense she wanted more, but she never said anything outright because she knew I didn't want a relationship right now. We also agreed that despite not being in a relationship, if we were having sex, we wouldn't deal with other people. But I betrayed that promise. I was ashamed of myself.

I tried my best to act normal after what Janeé and I just finished doing, but she knew something was up.

"You seem distant Mikey. Everything ok?"

"Yea, just a little tired is all. How you enjoying Atlanta so far?" She started talking, but I wasn't listening. I honestly just asked her to divert her attention from my strange behavior.

"Mikey?" "Mikey?!" She was yelling. I guess I completely zoned out and she'd been calling my name for a while.

"Look, I don't know what's up with you, but I've felt a wall building between us for months now. Since our Miami vacation."

Since I met Janee, I almost said aloud.

"It's gotten worse since you came to Atlanta and I thought coming down here to visit would help, but you feel even farther away."

I didn't know what to say, so I paused to think of some excuse that would reassure her we were fine.

"You know I've had a lot on my mind since our trip to Miami, this movie being one of them. But you're my best friend and that's no excuse for making you feel disconnected from me. I'm here with you and here for you. I love you."

I'd never said those words to her before and as I looked at her with tears of joy in her eyes, I knew I'd said the wrong thing. It was true, I did love her, but I should have waited to say it until I figured out what was happening with me and Janee. I barely knew her and didn't want to risk what Alexandra and I have and could potentially have, for something and someone so uncertain. I should have waited to say those words to Alex because while it was true that I loved her dearly, I wasn't sure I was in love with her.

Alex kissed me softly and looked at me longingly like she wanted me. But I couldn't have sex with her now, not after what I just did with Janee. I knew I'd only be able to get her off my back for a short while. I had to figure this thing out with Janee soon, before it ruined what I had with Alexandra.