His Weakness, Her Liberation

I Want to Talk About Us

I finished my movie in Atlanta and have been back in LA for a few weeks now. I miss Janeé like crazy. It feels weird being here without her, it feels weird being anywhere without her. I was thinking about how things ended in Atlanta when I got a call from Alexandra. Her father was sickly and his condition was getting worse. She normally visited her family for several weeks during Christmas time, but she decided to stay longer to care for her dad. The last time we spoke she told me she didn't know when she was coming back to the States.

Despite Janeé and I spending most of our time together, I still managed to maintain a good long-distance friendship with Alex while she was away. Alex didn't know about Janeé and Janeé didn't know about Alex. And after what happened between me and Janeé, it's possible I didn't have a reason to tell either of them about the other.

I was so mad at Janeé for being on games all the time. I don't think she would see it that way, but she's given me nothing to go off of, hell, she just started letting me call her by her nickname. All the pent up aggression I had towards her came out the night before I left. I've never been that way with a woman in my life. There were moments during sex with her that I was so angry I wanted to punish her, embarrass her even, but everything I did turned her on. Which turned me on even more, I could have fucked her like that all night. I only let up because I could tell she was tired and because I knew no matter how much sex we had, I would still be mad at her.

Before things went south with us, I could have told Janeé about Alex because she's my best friend, but I knew the extent of our friendship would complicate things. We'd made so much progress at that time and I didn't want anything to jeopardize what we were building. I'm not sure I'm done with Janeé, and if I'm not, how am I going to tell Alex about her? She deserves to know and I feel like I'm being deceptive to her. To both of them.

I also owe it to Alexandra to talk about this in person and don't want to do anything that would further stress her out while she was taking care of her dad.

"I hate I'm going to miss your birthday this year Mikey," she sounded genuinely sad about it. I was too.

"I know, you haven't missed my birthday in years."

"All I know is I better not look up and see you and any hoes on the blogs the next day." I laughed nervously.

I hadn't decided what I was doing for my birthday this year yet and as much as I wanted Alex to be there, her absence would make things less complicated, especially since Sterling was talking about going to Atlanta for what he was calling "Steelo's Strip Club Staycation." That boy was a fool, it was my birthday, but he'd named the weekend after himself. I honestly wasn't in the mood to celebrate like I usually am, so it was good he was planning it. I probably would have just stayed home and watched Netflix all day. I told him bits and pieces about Janeé , but no one knew the whole story but she and I.

"How's your dad doing, Alex?"

"Not well at all. It's so hard seeing him like this, you know?"

"Yes, I do know."

My mom had her share of serious health issues that Alex helped me deal with over the years. She was always there for me and I would support her no matter what.

"Thanks for being there for me Mikey, you mean so much to me. I love you."

"I love you too, Alex." I did love her, maybe not in the way she thought I did, but now wasn't the time to point out the difference.

"Ohhh, I never got a chance to thank you for my Christmas gift. You know I love Chanel bags!" I was raggedy for getting her and Janeé the same gift, but I knew they would both like it and probably would never know the other had the same thing so I went with it.

"Yea, you do, don't you?"

"Well look, when I get back, I want to talk about us," she said bashfully.

My heart started pounding. "Us?" I replied nervously.

"Yes, us. Being here with my father has me thinking a lot and I don't want to waste anymore time, because it's too precious not to be committed to the people you love."

Fuck. I never expected her to say that.

"Yea, we definitely should talk," I said flatly.

"I have to get back to my dad. Talk to you tomorrow?"

"Talk to you tomorrow, Alex."

I hung up feeling like an ass. I didn't want to hurt my best friend, but that's exactly what was going to happen whether or not I ended up with Janeé. She'd be heartbroken I let another woman get close to me. Even though Janeé was all I could think about, I still believed I made the right decision about cutting her off. I was getting to my breaking point and didn't want to hate her. Maybe this time without me will show her what's she's missing. I also needed time to decide if I wanted to deal with her control issues. She was so worried I'd hurt her that it stifled the growth of our relationship. I didn't know if I could deal with that long term.