His Weakness, Her Liberation

Confessions

Hey, can we talk? Tonight?

I had to text Michael back. What if it was about the donation? Ughhh. I hate that he backed me into a corner he knew I couldn't get out of.

Is it about the donation? Because if it's not, then no, I said.

Sure. It's about that.

Fine then.

Your place or mine? He replied.

This nigga.

Neither. If it's about work, let's meet at a coffee shop. I'll text you the address.

I had to be strong. I'd given into my impulses too much with Michael, so I needed to at least give myself a fighting chance to do right.

I got there early and barely let him sit down before wailing on him.

"How dare you? How dare you--"

"Pledge $2 million in your name? Is that what you were going to say?" He was mad now.

"No." I pouted.

"I needed to get your attention."

"You might have gotten a better response if you had just deposited the money into my personal account." I could barely say it without giggling. He was hysterically laughing at this point.

"You're really cute when you're mad, Jay." My nickname rolled off his tongue so naturally.

"Only my close family and friends can call me that," I spat, letting him know he couldn't use that name.

"Oh ok. I'm sorry, Janeé." He said my full name with such defeat.

It hurt to treat him this way, but I needed boundaries.

"Look, I'm sorry for not being more appreciative about your gesture. It's incredible and it still hasn't hit me all that you're doing. Like, it's really amazing. No one has ever--," I could feel a lump in my throat developing. I paused for a moment to gather myself.

"Thank you Michael."

"You're welcome." He looked at me so intensely it made me slightly uncomfortable.

"So, you have my attention now."

"Right, right." He suddenly had this nervous energy, kind of like when we first met. It was adorable.

"I wanted to talk about our uh, recent interactions. They've been unlike anything I've experienced with a woman and honestly it's throwing me off. I don't know how to feel about what we've been doing. The way you just stopped responding to me after our first night together has me confused. A woman has never done that to me before." He said.

"I wasn't expecting all of this to happen. I was afraid after that first night. You know I hadn't had sex since I was 17 and the fact that I gave myself to you, in the way I did, scared me. I didn't know what you would think of me or if I'd end up being hurt, so I thought the easiest thing to do would be to just cut you loose."

"And last night? What was that?"

"Honestly I don't know. I couldn't stop thinking about you and I get filthy when that liquor get up in me." We both chuckled.

I looked down and nervously tapped my leg, trying to decide if I should be honest about how I felt when I was with him. I was a little embarrassed, but I finally just said it.

"I feel free and sexually liberated when I'm with you. Like I can't control myself. Or maybe I can, but I don't want to. Have you ever felt like that before?"

"Yea." He looked at me with seductive eyes.

"I decided yesterday that I needed to keep you at a distance and then you just show up at my job. I think that's why I was so upset. I already felt like I was out of control and your presence there made me feel helpless."

"I don't want you to feel that way. I can just work with someone else at your job to hash out the details about the gift. I meant what I said, I'm committed to fulfilling my pledge."

"Hell no! The donation is in my name, so I'm definitely going to take part in this process. I'd just like to keep things between us professional."

He nodded in agreement and I felt better about where we stood. I could tell he wanted to say something else, but he didn't and I was too afraid to ask.