Accio Imagine ~ George Weasley

Twenty Years (Part 1 /2)

Warnings: mentions of death

The dates you hated most were first and second of May. This were the days when you had to see your husband in his worst state. Every year, at the beginning of May, he was mostly sitting around all day and not speaking much. Sometimes he'd even cry. At first you had no idea what to do and you were quite afraid so that you had called for his mother, hoping there would be something she could do. But seven years after the battle you had gotten somewhat used to it and you knew more what to do. And, luckily, you could tell that it was getting better every year. Of course there were years when it was a little worse but all in all, he was slowly getting over it.

And now, twenty years after George lost his twin you expected it to be as bad as it hadn't been in years. But you were prepared. Already weeks ago, when you had slowly seen it coming, you had agreed with Molly that she would take care of your younger children, who weren't in Hogwarts yet so that you could be there for George whenever he needed you and that he didn't need to pull himself together in front of the children as he tried in the past years. Furthermore, you had already organised a birthday present for Victoire and made your husband sign the cards some days before. That probably was the worst thing about it all. That George was never able to properly celebrate his oldest niece's birthday. Whereas Victoire herself understood why, your children probably still were a little too young to really understand what made him so sad every year.

This year was even a little more special since Minerva McGonagall, the headmistress of Hogwarts, had organised a memorial for this year as she had already ten years ago. At first you didn't know if you wanted to go and when you knew you wanted to, you tried to arrange a timetable with Molly about which one of you would go there and when so that neither George nor the children were alone.

But to your utter surprise, when you told George on noon of the first of May, when he still was quite as usual (since his depression would start in the evening, as always), that he wanted to go to the memorial with you. So when you brought your three younger kids to Molly, you told her that you'd come to Hogwarts at the same time when she went for she was already taking the kids with her. When you were back home, you only just had time to make George eat a few bites before he suddenly burst out in tears. That was what had irritated you in the first years after the battle. How quickly his mood changed. One second he just seemed a bit more quiet than usual and in the next second he broke down. Words weren't the thing he needed, but physical contact. So you got up, walked over to him and put a hand on his back, gently rubbing circles. Years ago he might have pushed you away or tried to squirm away but meanwhile he was already searching for contact and he leaned his head to your chest.

For a couple of minutes you stayed in the kitchen then you managed to get him to the living room and spread the blanked over you. In past years he often fell asleep as soon he was tired out. But only if you were next to him. Or more like under him so that you could not leave without him waking up. It was the same this year, only that it took more than twice as long as in the last years. However, after he cried for about half an hour, when you had shed a couple of tears yourself, he snuggled up to you while tears occasionally rolled down his cheeks. Then he had a phase where he just sat there apathetically until, all of a sudden, he resumed to crying. In the past years, at this time he'd cry himself to sleep but today he crying stopped after another half an hour and for the first time in ages you heard him speak. Usually he never spoke before he hadn't been sleeping. That was if he was talking at all during his time of mourning.

"I still can't believe he's gone" you did not know what to say and you also feared to say the wrong thing so you remained silent but threaded your fingers through his hair. "Sometimes I feel as if he'd just come into the room and..." his voice broke and you felt tears in your eyes again. "And I can't believe it's been twenty years. T-twenty years since I last heard his laugh. Last saw him. Twenty years since I talked to him, cracked jokes with him" he sobbed "And the worst thing is after today I will have lived longer without him than with him" you had been thinking about that yourself. But you came to the conclusion that the day he was speaking of was yet to come. Fred and George had lived exactly twenty years and a month together. And today it were exactly twenty years since his death. So this meant that the day your husband was speaking of was only in a month's time. But you didn't correct him. Probably you never would because you knew that this realisation must have hurt so much. And you didn't want him to feel it again.

"I know" you simply said "I miss him too and I can't believe either that he wouldn't come barging in when we need him least of all" maybe, if it had been any other day of the year, your husband might have smiled at this, but not today.

"It's not fair he had to die. It's as if half of me died with him that day. I don't feel complete anymore. And there is nothing in this world that could ever complete the hole left inside me. The kids and you... you only just manage to make sure I don't fall apart or that the hole doesn't get any bigger. That's why I feel guilty. Be-because you can't fill it and I can't be the boy you came to know thirty years ago anymore."

"George, in fact I'm not unhappy that none of us manages to fill your empty spot. Because if we would, I'd be the one who felt guilty. Because the person you miss is Fred. Not (Y/N) or one of the kids. We never can or would try to replace your brother. Because that wouldn't be fair. Neither for you, nor for us" to your surprise he nodded.

"Thank you" he mumbled "For everything" he lifted his index finger to slightly touch your jaw with it "If you hadn't been there, on the day of the battle, I really would have died with him then. And I'm so sorry that you now have to deal with all of this. I wish I could be the man I used to be. I really tried to, (Y/N). But it's impossible. Without Fred, I'm just not the same"

"Don't feel bad about this, sweetheart. I never stopped loving you and that is why I married you. It doesn't bother me that you're not joking around all day long anymore, in fact sometimes I'm quite glad to have my peace, but it makes me feel sad too. Seeing you this way is just... it makes me feel so helpless because I know that there is nothing I can do"

"You can" he said "And you do. You're with me. That's more than I could ask for"

"What else should I do?"

"Leave me all alone because you can't bear to see me like this? Or because you're annoyed? I-I know this is hard for you too"

"It is, but by now I'm kind of used to it. Though it still breaks my heart whenever you start crying. Not just because I love you so much. But because I miss Fred just as much. And in the beginning I though you're thinking that none of us misses him. That you were the only person who Fred was important to. And that hurt me because you truly seemed forlorn then and I feared I might lose you as well" he feebly shook his head and wrapped his arms tighter around you.

"If there is one thing I promise you then it is that you will never lose me. And although you have done more for me than I did for you, you can always count on me to be there whenever you need me"

"And you will never lose me" to your surprise, the corners of his mouth twitched upwards.

"I know" he said and buried his face in your chest. "I know" Only minutes later you realised that he had fallen asleep peacefully.

"Sleep well, love" you whispered and slightly placed your lips on his head. "I'll be there"