A Feather's Trick ➸ Loki fanfiction

Chapter 17

Many months passed. I befriended the new Avengers easier than the old ones, seeing as we had no toxic history. We spent so much time together, I found myself at a loss when I had free time. The more I helped them on their missions, the more conflicted I began to feel. I knew I was doing the right thing, quite easily by a simple fact.

One by one, more of my feathers turned white once again. Initially, I was gleeful. But as the physical weight of my wings diminished, I felt a heavier weight emotionally.

Every time we saved people, I remembered the people I hadn't saved from Loki. I had started to wonder if I could have done more. I was sure now that I should have done more.

Whenever I faltered, if I thought about disappearing from a fight, I was punished by my own body. Three feathers would threaten to turn black from a single white one. One step forward, three steps back.

Thankfully, Steve was the captain. I underestimated how observant he was. Every time I felt overwhelmed, I would find him there to support me as a true captain should. He helped me with my guilt. It was through his support that I truly began to respect him, not only as a superhero, or a leader, but a friend.

It wasn't all bad. I could feel it within me, that as my wings grew lighter, my anger dissipated. I had caught Sam discussing it with Steve once, saying that my 'sweet nature' seemed unnatural. It was especially contrasted with my previous bleak nature. They hadn't known me before. This was my true self.

They seemed in awe by it. They really liked it, I could tell. They wanted to spend even more time with me. It made it easier to want to help, which in turn made it easier for more feathers to turn.

I sat in the living room alone, stroking my wings in a soothing manner. It was fairly late and today had been a long day. Everyone was likely asleep already. I intended to go to sleep soon too.

"So. I have a question." Natasha asked me, emerging from the shadows.

"Almighty All-Father!" I exclaimed, clutching my wings close to me. "You spooked me! I didn't see you there." I regained my breath.

"Sorry." She smiled slightly. "Habit I guess."

"Yeah, habits are harder to kill than an army of Ultron." I mused. She chuckled. "What was that question?" I remembered. Natasha sat on the far end of the couch, plenty of distance between us as usual. She looked uncomfortable, which made me uneasy. "Natasha? You know you can ask me pretty much anything at this point. You probably know a bunch about me already." I motioned her closer, and slowly she shuffled over.

Silence found its way into the living room once more. I looked at her expectantly. She took a breath before turning her gaze to mine.

"So. I'm not an expert at what's going on here." She motioned at my wings. "But everyone can see there's been a change. We all think it's a good change."

"Did Steve put you up to this? Or Sam?" I asked with surprise.

"No!" She exclaimed quickly. "No. It's... It's my own curiosity I guess." She sounded very unlike herself.

"Are you okay?" I asked her.

"Yeah." She ran her hands through her hair. "I've just never not known something? There's always some information on everything. Some way I can find out. But with this... I just have to find out the old fashion way." She admitted. My interest rose. "Your wings... They aren't supposed to be black are they?"

"Supposed to be." I mulled the words over. "This isn't their natural state, no." I found the words difficult to explain.

"What... " Natasha bit her lip as she tried to phrase her question. "What is the natural state then?"

"Well." I found a section that was pure white. "Here. You see how the feathers are white? That's how my wings should be everywhere. White and... pure." I trailed off.

"What would happen if they were pure again?"

"I expect my powers would return. I am the Goddess of Air after all. I desperately miss the healing of my feathers. I'd be able to bless people again. Seafaring, wisdom, fertility-"

"Fertility?" Natasha interrupted in a murmur. I tilted my head in confusion. "I guess I could explain a little too, huh?" She smiled slightly. "In the Red Room... when you finish your training, they have a little graduation ceremony. The one thing that might mean more than a mission; children. They sterilize you. It's practical after all." Her voice shook.

A burst of feathers turned white at once. I felt excited. Progress! But then I was saddened. The only reason that happened was my guilt. Months ago, I would've been overwhelmed by guilt. But this time, sympathy struck me by surprise.

"I'm sorry. I can't do anything like this. But maybe one day, if you wanted that is?" I murmured. Natasha's eyes welled. "Have I made it worse?" I asked in alarm.

"No, no." She laughed. "You've just given me a chance at a life I thought was gone forever. You really are a Goddess. You gave me a miracle." My heart warmed at her words.