Confessions about people in my former past life

Final part- my sins

My sins started when I was 8. Trying to commit suicide. I'm pretty open about this stuff in my life because it's not who I am anymore. It wasn't until I was 12 was when I started to begin another bad habit. Cutting. I was a troublesome girl with a lot of daddy issues and became a drug addict. Heroin and cocaine.

That wasn't till I turned 16. I was a hoe, had sex with everyone I wanted to do so. Dating had always been an issue since I had bad taste in the people I chose, and I created the problems in the relationship myself. I wanted to be wanted to be needed. I didn't want to be alone. I was terrible with friends. Preached about not talking shit about others when I participated in it. I wasn't fully committed to people who I called friends nor to my partners after my second heartbreak. I did stupid shit like breaking and entering, vandalism, damages, pranks, I did it all.

I wish I wasn't that person. I wish I learned what I do know now back then. I was sheltered so much as a kid and only experienced pain I thought well maybe I could use it as an excuse and go with it because that's all I knew. Later I began to realize I wanted something more than that life. I wanted to be happy. Not this doing petty bullshit to people I don't really like. The whole worlds full of assholes and asshats like that. Hell the whole damn world could eat my ass hairs. But it's the few that make me go okay, I'll fuck the rest of the world up, just not the few I choose.

I had to leave many people behind and just change my ways if I ever wanted to be happy. And that's what I did. My absence in people's lives after I left may have helped others but every once in a while I'll see things on social media. I'll hear things from other people. Stuff about the people I left behind and seeing it from your own eyes is better than hearing it from others mouths. Seeing what I've seen so far proves I made the right choices. Proves I am better off without them as much as they are better off without me. I've seen people still be the same. But I've also seen people change.

Better or worse, I can't judge. I have my fair share of demons. I fucked my ex boyfriends friend while I may add his friend was in a relationship. And it wasn't just once. Was I proud of it back then oh hell yeah I was. Am I now, he'll no I'm not. That's not who I should have been and that's how people in L.R will see me as and that's fine. As long as I'm not the girl I was back then and as long as I keep progressing I'll be fine. No more secrets from myself or others. No more lies or doing stupid shit. I'm tired of these friends you have constantly hanging out with the ones they said shit about. I'm tired of these exes never being truthful to future partners and their friends about their past relationships.

I'm tired of people thinking it's okay to shame someone for the same thing their doing. I'm tired of it all and so I decided I'm not going to be that girl. The one who is selfish and self centered. The type that uses people and throws them away after they got what they need. I'm not her anymore. I'm different. I'm the true me. The me now is different. If you take the time to see it and get to know me, you'll find out, what you hear isn't the same as being there for yourself.