Confessions about people in my former past life

Past family life part 2- Mother L.J

I don't know the proper way of writing this one so I'll just let it flow from here. I grew up with you being there and being able to raise me. You were everything to me and I saw you as a strong and beautiful woman that I wanted to be. I saw you as this wonder woman character in real life that I could never fault you when you drank. Yes you were an alcoholic but I could never blame you as a kid.

I saw you as this independent woman that had feelings and as a person all alone with no one to talk to about their problems or even survive the next day, people will have remedies to keep the pain to a minimum or none existent at all. Your way of medicine was drinking. I couldn't look down on you for it because you did everything else. You raised 5 kids on your own while taking on bills by yourself with shitty jobs left and right. So when did I start calling you by your first name instead of mom? When did our relationship break, why is the love that used to be there now gone? Not too long ago in December of 2017, you, your boyfriend A and I decided to go buy some drinks. I was a lightweight and got drunk fast.

So I decided to go to bed and off I went. I was half conscious half not and so I layed in bed with my thoughts all happy. You went off somewhere leaving your boyfriend alone. (For those that have a hard time with sexual assault I suggest to read on no further and skip to the next chapter in the book.) He came into my room and sat next to me. I tried to keep calm hoping he'd leave me alone but he started to feel me. He started rubbing my thighs. When he wanted more that's when he removed some of the blanket to reveal my ass. He started groping me and caressed me. I kept having this thought in my head of "he'll stop and go away and it'll never happen again. This isn't real."

But I came to my senses when I felt him grind on me, with his hard cock in his pants rubbing against my butt. That was when I decided that if he tried to stick anything in me, I'd beat the shit out of him or worse, kill him. And it wasn't until he moved my shorts to one side and stuck his finger in me that I slapped him, ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. Yelling at him to get out and never come back. I ran into the bedroom where you were.

The bathroom the whole time unaware your own child had been sexually assaulted. He grabbed his stuff and left. But it wasn't his action or your whereabouts that made me stop loving you. It was the moment you looked at me with a face of disbelief. You didn't believe me and instead called him to ask his side of the story. What kind of person who sexually assaults someone is going to tell the mother of the person they assaulted the truth? What did you think he'd say? "Yeah I pretty much raped your daughter, sorry it won't happen again."

You say you stayed with him because I left the house. You're just too much of a coward to face the truth. You did what your sister did to her own kids. You chose a vile man over your own child. I wasn't perfect, we fought like cats and dogs but at the end of the day I was there that had your back. I was there with the divorce of you and my father. I was there with your heartbreaks, I was the one that tucked in bed or gave you a pillow and a blanket to sleep with every time you passed out at the dinner table. I sat and listened to you whenever you needed to complain or vent. And you want to know why I left the house and never came back?

Why would someone who was nearly raped go back to the same spot that the incident happened at? Why should I stay at the house while you continue to date him putting myself at risk again? You say you stay with the person that took advantage of your own daughter because I left the house. No, you stay with him because you're weak. You stay with him because now you have no one but him. And you know why I decided to completely cut you out of my life? When you took my baby away that was the day any ounce of care for you died. I was more than willing to pay you so she could stay there. My cat, my child, she was my everything.

I raised her since she was 6 weeks old and even though our relationship died, even though you're still dating him despite what he did to me, you went so far as to give the one thing I loved more than myself. You gave my child away without telling me and when I tried to get her back, they told me I couldn't get her out because I wasn't 21. You say you called to tell me about it and I never answered when we both know that's not true. You never texted me about her or left voicemails. The only times you called were to beg me back. You are selfish and self-centered. You'd always tell me how uncaring I am and how selfish I was but you put me down all the time because you couldn't stand to look at me.

You despise everything about me because I'm everything you wished you were. So with that I wish you farwell and I wrote this to forgive you but I will never forget. I don't think I could ever speak to you much less look at you. All I can do is move on in my life and let karma run its course.

Sincerely your birth daughter related by blood,
Kat