Confessions about people in my former past life

Family life part 1- Father P.C

The last time I wrote about you was in my therapeutic hour I had. Write about something that weighs on your heart each day. There's not super much to say on this but you were my dad. You were the first person I loved even before I knew what to love. The way we were when I was much younger was a child's dream. But dreams turn to nightmares sometimes and this one stayed permanent for a long time. You were an abuser when I got older.

Physically to my mom whenever you felt like it was righteous, mentally abusing me, telling me things a child should never hear not even from their own parent. And you were one of the reasons why I tried killing myself from ages 8-12. I was 8 years fucking old when I wanted to die. 8. I tried every day. School didn't help either. I got bullied a lot and I don't remember much of it anymore but I remember moving away from it all.

You decided we should which is probably one of the very few things I'll appreciate. But the one moment that made me realize how you were never a dad to me was when I was 15 years old. It was when I had my first very serious boyfriend and we were Skyping each other since we didn't get to see each other super often. I was flirting and decide to take my clothes off and do what normal 15-16 year old girls do.

You bursted in and started a crusade. Taking things too far. Shutting off WiFi, and you know what you said to me? You said "You're a white piece of whore trash just like your mom and that's all you'll amount to be." I don't think I'll ever forget that. That right there is actually the reason why we will never have a father daughter relationship. I know people change all the time and you're a better father to my siblings but, it's been 5 years since you said that and my feelings towards you has never changed.

I never want you in my life and I don't think I'll ever want you in it. As much as you say you want to before you die, I don't think I can. Because what you said a long time ago to a kid, that will never leave my mind. I forgive you but I'll never forget and because of that, I don't have any grudges on you. I just think it's best we stay parted ways. Stay on separate roads because, I'm happy in my life right now. I needed a father when I was growing up but because I grew up and lived my life without one, I'm too used to not having one that I think I'm fine to continue on without one.

Sincerely your birth daughter related by blood and last name,
Kat