my pointless book of rants

12:44 am

i can't sleep.
so i'm going to tell you my thoughts.

there's this guy that i've known since i was born. his dad and my dad have been best friends since they were in elementary school and they hang out every weekend to play guitar (they used to have a band in high school). i'm going to call the boy tom. so tom was born a month after me and our families used to hangout together allllll the time. i'm talking every week. tom also has three older sisters, one of which is my sisters age.

my dad told me this story that took place when we were kids, probably 5 or 6. so not that old. side backstory: my dad ran in high school and so did my aunt and uncle. plus me and my sister run so we're basically a running fam. anyways, me and tom were in his back yard racing while my dad and toms dad watched. and my dad said that i was just smoking him (which makes sense because i literally come from a runner who went to state for track like??)

okay, so why is this relevant?

point is, we used to be really close. but that was a while ago. i don't really know how, but eventually our families stopped getting together so much, while the two dad's still hung out with each other every weekend. idek i guess us kids just grew up and we were making friends of our own.

fast forward, like, 11 years. i am now 17 years old. and i was scrolling through instagram when i somehow ended up finding tom's profile. i was shook to say the least. let's just say, puberty was good to tom. that son of a bitch got HOT. let me try to describe him: blonde hair, blue eyes, fairish skin, and pretty tall from what i can see of his pictures.

now, when i found his page, he had a girlfriend at the time and i was disappointed not gonna lie. i didn't follow him either because...well idk why. i was not about to try to make a move when he has a girlfriend. there is no way in hell i would try to ruin someone else's relationship. i'm not gonna go after a guy who's taken out of respect to the girl.

oh i should also mention the fact that we don't go to the same school. they live in the town over from us, but it's honestly not that far.

i think that's another reason that we grew apart because i would never see them at school.

fast forward again a couple months later. (i don't remember the exact months this stuff happened but it was this year obvi)

i'll be honest, i was checking out his girlfriends insta and his but i never followed them. that's when i noticed something fishy. she deleted all of the pictures they had.

but he didn't.

i didn't know if they broke up or got into a fight or what, but i decided to wait it out to see if anything else happened. couple of days later, he deleted his pictures of her. so naturally i put two and two together and came to the conclusion that they broke up. and that's when i finally decided to follow him. hours and hours and hours passed before he followed me back and i was hella nervous that he wasn't going to. i think i followed him in the morning and he did it that night.

at this point i was getting giddy. i told my friends about him and that i was gonna try to make a move. i hyped myself up for days. and right when i was working up the courage, my hope came crashing down.

he was going to prom with a girl that goes to my school.

although my friend told me that they were just going as friends because they both needed a date, i still felt like my confidence went down the drain. i lost my chance, and i waited too long. i guess they hung out one time and texted.

at this point i've given up all hope. i kept thinking "bitch you waited too long!!"

but then POOF. they weren't going together anymore because her boyfriend is in the army and he would be able to make it back on time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyways tom ended up going to his prom with some girl from a different town then mine and his, but i'm not worried about it because she deleted the post of their prom pics and she went to another prom with some other guy soooo

alright, so now it's june. i bet you're wondering if i finally slide in those dms of his and the answer is no. i'm too much of a pussy. i'm afraid of rejection.

i don't think highly of myself. i think i'm ugly. he is verrrry attractive and i feel like he's out of my league.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give me advice on how to initiate a conversation or how to get his number or some shit because i'm desperate.

i was thinking of tagging along with my dad when he goes to their house, but what if he isn't there? my dad usually goes on saturday nights. plus i don't wanna intrude of my dad's guy time with his buddy.