Innocence

The Sleepover

Later that night Macy found herself at Jeremy's house. They were talking about homework, when Jem put their stuff away. He smiled and held out his hand and said, "If you trust me enough, may I see what your bracelet hides?" Macy's heart skipped a beat, but she extended her arm. He turned it over so the palm was facing up. He slides back her sleeve, and unclasps her bracelet to reveal an ugly cut.

He looked in her eyes, and there was something unguarded about the look in his. He slid up both of his sleeves. His arms were scarred, bruised, and scratched beyond belief. "I draw too." At those three words her heart leapt in her throat. She took off her sweater, and he took off his. His skin was paper, his body was his canvas, his bruises, scars, and scratches all contributed to his masterpiece.

He smiled, and rolled over to fall asleep in his chair. She layed down, and tried to fall asleep next to Rocket, his dog, in his bed. She woke up in the middle of the night feeling an urge. Jem looked sound asleep so she went into the kitchen looking for a knife. Jem walks into the kitchen. "Are you looking for this?" He was holding a really sharp kitchen knife. She nodded her head. He looked hurt. "Didn't you see my arms? I showed you that so maybe you wouldn't cut anymore.."
"Cutting has become a habit. It is a reminder that I am alive, the pain keeps reminding me. I can't just drop it. It's addicting, and habits are tough to break."
"I know, I just hoped you hadn't come that far yet.."

Jem set the knife on the counter. "Do what you will, just please, don't die. The world is hard enough to live in as it is, I couldn't imagine how much worse it would be if you were gone." She nodded, looking at the knife. Jem walked back to his room.

When Jem was gone two words flashed across her mind. Habit and relief. Everything hurt, and she was overwhelmed. Her fingers curled around the knife. Everything hurt? Cut! She's overwhelmed by her own emotions? Cut! She hates her life? Cut!

She kept cutting her one arm. She looked at the bloody knife, them at her other arm. No cuts, no blood, perfect.. but not for long. She clenched the knife in her nondominant hand, and in one swift motion she has a cut the length of her arm. For the first time since she started cutting she let out a whimper. Jem came into the kitchen with a warm washcloth. "It wasn't supposed to hurt that much. It was only supposed to sting, and give me relief."
"That's how it works. It's all painless and relief until you find yourself wanting to go deeper."

She was silent, but she knew he was right. He finished up wiping off her arm with the washcloth. "You should get some sleep." She nodded, "Thank you." He looked at her, but she averted her eyes so she didn't have to make eye contact, "Any time."