Innocence

Why Does Jem Cut? (The Dream)

She silenced her phone. She couldn't cut. She couldn't hurt him like that. She wouldn't cut herself, but she needed to feel pain. Nobody was home. She braced herself, and rammed her shoulder into the wall. Pain.. it was wonderful.

She kept hitting the wall, over and over, repeatedly. She felt someone hold her back when she went in to do it again. She didn't bother turning around, and fell backwards into them. She looked up into his ocean blue eyes and grinned. He shook his head, but she thought she saw a shadow of a smile, or maybe at least a smirk. "Why?"
"You told me to not cut, but I need to feel pain, what do I do?"
"You ask someone to help you stop being addicted to pain."

They were both lying on the carpet now. Her head on his leg. Perfection. Slowly she drifted off to sleep. Peacefully. She was asleep...

Running, running, where was I running? I had no clue. Suddenly Jem was next to me. I tripped over a rock, and suddenly we were in a kitchen. I looked to my left, and there was a block with a lot of sharp knives. I took a step towards them, picked one up, and slid it along my finger. I looked at Jem, and he had a line of blood where the knife had just come off of my hand. His voice sounded like an echo when he said, "I get hurt when the people I care about get hurt." And slowly everything faded out, and I was waking up...

Macy bolted straight upright, and Jem was sleeping soundly next to her. She pinched herself hard, and watched him stir. She couldn't believe it. When the people he loved got hurt, it literally hurt him too. She felt really guilty. It looked like she was the major source for most of his pain. She shook him awake. "How come you didn't tell me?"
"Tell you what?" he asked groggily.
"That whenever I cut or hurt myself you also get hurt."
"How did you find out about that?" Wide eyed, he was bolt upright now.
"Research, why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I wanted you to quit on your own."
"Oh?" She went silent.
"If you hadn't stopped on your own I thought you might think I forced you, just because it hurt me."
"If you hadn't cared in the first place then you wouldn't be hurt this much.."
"True, but once someone cares for someone else as much as I care about you, it's dang near impossible to stop, and I don't want to."
"I still wish you would've told me. You felt all the cuts I've done since we met. Not to mention any other times I got hurt. Whether it was myself, or the bullies."
"Yep, but unless you screw this up really horribly somehow, I'm not going to stop caring."
"Good, because I won't either. I will try not to cut, or hurt myself too much."
"Thank you, should we go back to sleep, now?"
"You're welcome, and probably."