Antidote // Reader x Park Jimin

8) Edge

He didn't know how long it had been since he last saw her, but the memories of that night were the only thing keeping him going.

The whole process had started over once more when he left the bar that night. The excruciating pain, the overwhelming longing, the screaming, the crying, the pathetic state that consumed his life, all returned uninvited.

She had danced with him. It wasn't all that much of a dance, having let the music just take them wherever it wanted. A simple hand in his sent his body in the opposite direction of his current state. He was elated and had never felt so alive before that moment. She was so close to him, touching him, receptive to his comments and presence. She seemed to be enjoying the whole experience. He wasn't frightening her with his uncontrollable emotions. She seemed, for the first time since he met her, to be more open, to be less afraid of him. To just let herself be, to fall into the moment. It was like she didn't even give herself a choice but to submit to him and his obsessiveness.

He hadn't wanted to leave, everything in him telling him to stay. But an angry text from Namjoon, warning him that he had definitely overstayed this time around, told him otherwise. He knew that he would have to part from her whether he liked it or not, but he wondered if it had to happen so soon. If he had to surrender his happiness so soon.

They had danced together. He had managed to get her to laugh some more. The dancing didn't last long. She only made it through one song before becoming too shy to continue. After dancing, the two sat back at the bar. She took the liberty of sitting on the stool next to him, resting an elbow on the bar, and looking up at him curiously (making his heart flutter a thousand beats a minute) as he continued to divulge his dreams and passions to her.

He showed her some of BTS's music, and was the most excited to show her his favorite song, "Serendipity". He told her what it meant to him, and she was so intrigued by the depth of the song. It made him so excited that she was genuinely interested in his thoughts. It had been such a long time since Jimin could admit that he met someone new that seemed interested in the person beyond the idol image, someone who really didn't care about the idol image at all. Someone that wasn't digging for fame or for money. He liked how down-to-earth Y/N was.

As he sat with the dull but intrusive pain in his chest, he felt nothing but bitter. All he wanted to do was be with her, and she probably wasn't even batting an eyelash at the thought of him. He was still just dirt to her, just nothing. He wondered if he would ever matter to her as much as she mattered to him.

He pondered the issue for a long time as he lay awake for the countless sleepless night. He stared up at the dark ceiling, wondering if all of the feelings he was having were beyond his control. Was the admiration he had for her a side effect of the unquenchable feelings of love he held in his chest? Did it matter to him what she thought of him because of the pain, or was it just a genuine part of his head?

He descended so far into his thoughts. He was angry. He was angry at the world for not giving him answers. He was simultaneously frustrated that he didn't have her and that the world brought her to him. He wanted for things to be simple again. To just love and be loved. To give of himself and to receive in return. To be not be so trapped in the cycle of unrequited love. An unrequited love that was physically destroying him.

Tears bitterly escaped his eyes. He flipped over onto his side, curling into himself. He let out a few cuss words as the pain in his chest adjusted to the movement, gritting his teeth. He decided that even if he couldn't sleep, he'd at least close his eyes to allow the darkness to help him clear his head.

But of course, it didn't.

He couldn't stop thinking of her.

He wanted things to be simple again. He wanted to be free of pain. He wanted the freedom to love as he pleased.