Antidote // Reader x Park Jimin

7) Unbridled

The whole day your thoughts revolved around the boy who had left you with so many questions.  You couldn't pay attention in class that morning and found yourself tossing and turning in bed, your mind just buzzing with thoughts.  You just couldn't believe the way he was acting toward you.  It was so utterly unrealistic.  He seemed almost... obsessed?  With you of all the people in the world.  The idol could have anyone he wanted.  Literally anyone.  But you?  Was he choosing you?  You couldn't believe it.

You couldn't help but notice the way he was looking at you.  The attention made you uncomfortable.  You had spent the majority of your life practically in hiding.  No one took notice of you.  Part of you sort of ensured that was the case, but the other part knew that some of it was beyond your control.  You were certainly a "behind-the-scenes" kind of person.  You didn't like the spotlight, and you surely didn't like the attention.  

Even when you were so heavily involved with music, you never wanted to perform.  It terrified you.  You just wanted to create, for your creations to exist and be appreciated.  It was simple like that.  You could achieve success without being the center of it.  The music could take it for you.

You had just served them food. You agreed to have a few drinks with them.  You barely even talked about yourself and you played a dumb little composition on the piano. That's all.  You were nothing special.  You surely weren't that astoundingly attractive.  You knew that someone out there had to think you were a looker, but you wouldn't say you had any amount of definitive, defining beauty to you.

You were average.  Beyond average.  Mediocre at best.  That was your truth.  You had grown accustomed to it and accepted it as your life drew on. 

You were just about to graduate from university.  Most people find their, you know, one true love during those measly four years.  But you stayed hidden, focusing on work and your studies.  People would try to talk to you, but you still fell into the shadows.  Once again, things were just easier for you this way.

But Jimin. No, he wouldn't let you fall into the shadows.  Even if you were already there, his eyes would burn through the darkness. You couldn't ignore the fact that he had seen something special in you.  You were actually able to witness him being physically drawn to you, his eyes glued to you and your every move.  

And not to mention the fact that he had seen you at your ugliest, screaming, crying, and then shamefully trying to act like normal despite it. You had to admit that last night was not your best night.  And it wasn't fair to him to let that be his final impression of you.

So you invited him back.  You figured, why not?  Your heart ached to see him so hurt, thinking that you were the cause of it.  To have that sort of effect on someone, especially someone like him, baffled you.  It reminded you of all the reasons you chose to isolate yourself in the first place. Because human emotions were so powerful, so forceful.  They chose you, and you had no choice in them.  They dictated your every action and manipulated your thoughts.  And typically these emotions were made a full-on rampage when erupted between two people, the connection causing the two people to be emotional mush with each other.  

To lose so much control, to surrender that control so willingly to another person, terrified you.

And here you were, allowing the opportunity to return into your life. Practically presenting yourself with it.

You surely didn't think you'd be falling for Jimin anytime soon, if at all. You were mostly just curious and your compassion was also getting the best of you.  There was something about him that you needed to figure out.  You needed to know what in hell made you so damn special to him.  You were just... you.  You couldn't wrap your mind around the concept, no matter how many times it rolled through your head.  Nothing about it made sense.