[ON HOLD] One Last Chance - Phan

Chapter 10

Trigger warning: mention of suicide and self harm

Phil's POV

I sit on a chair in the waiting room next to Kai, who has just got over his emotional breakdown. I tap my feet nervously and drum my fingers on my lap, waiting for news.

It's currently 6:43 pm. We've been in the hospital since about 3:45 pm after, well... that happened. I'm worried sick about Dan, praying that he's alive. Kai keeps on making fun of me in a friendly way, saying I'm like his boyfriend - to lighten the mood, I'm sure. But that, of course, would never happen. Dan's straight, right? Jesus Christ, why does it even matter to me? I don't fancy him, do I?

I'm snapped out of my thoughts when a doctor comes in, signalling for me and Kai. I stand up but see that Kai isn't following suit. I look at him with confusion.

"I'll visit after you."

"Kai, you're his brother, I'm just a friend." The word 'friend' stings me again, only more than last time.

"I'll give you two love birds some time alone." He smirks and attempts to hold back a laugh while I roll my eyes and lightly punch him in the arm before following the doctor to Dan.

The scene I see breaks my heart and fills my eyes with tears.

Dan lays on the hospital bed with bandages wrapped around his lower arms, slightly blood soaked. His body isn't as deathly white as it was when I first found him, but it's far from his normal complexion.

He stirs at the sound of movement and wearily opens his eyes, which shoot open when he notices me in the doorway. I smile as I walk in and sit on a stool next to Dan's head. He tries to sit up but winces when he hits the undersides of his arms, so I put an arm under his back and help him up. I take a deep breath before speaking.

"Dan, what happened?"

His face is blank for a second before he remembers and his eyes instantly fill with tears. He flings his arms around my neck, hugging me tightly. I return the hug and, after a few seconds, he whispers.

"I-I miss t-them."

I pull away to look him in the eyes, tilting my head to show my confusion. Dan sighs heavily and sits up normally in the hospital bed, staring at his lap.

"I-I'm s-sure y-you've seen m-my line b-by now. I-I'm on m-my last life a-and i-it's fading quickly i-in the c-centre." He pauses, realizing I don't know what that means. "It's m-my d-depression. I-I'm depressed a-and s-suicidal, just like I-I've b-been in m-my past t-two lives." He pauses again. "Y-You know h-how i-if you h-have some sort o-of physical i-illness or i-injury or disease t-that's slowly k-killing y-you? Your line r-representing your c-current life h-has f-faded e-edges. Well i-it's like t-that with m-mental i-illnesses, like d-depression, except t-the line is faded i-in the c-centre. My line h-has b-been like t-this throughout a-all o-of my 3 lives. I-I d-died in m-my p-past 2 lives by s-suicide. I've t-tried to e-escape t-this life, w-what, 6 times n-now? I'm s-so sick o-of living a-and I-I want t-to go so b-badly, but the w-world s-seems to w-want me t-to s-stay for whatever r-reason."

"What do you mean?"

"I m-mean t-that every t-time I-I've tried t-to k-kill myself, I've s-succeeded. I-I've d-died. But a-after I d-die, I-I wake u-up on m-my bed, very m-much alive." Dan snaps before calming down again. "That's w-what h-happened when y-you found m-me. I d-died in t-the b-bathroom and r-remained d-dead for t-the minute you w-were looking a-at me, b-but as s-soon as you looked a-away, I-I ended u-up in m-my r-room. Like t-teleportation, I-I g-guess? I d-don't know. It o-only h-happens w-when no o-ones eyes a-are o-on me." The paper suddenly makes sense.

"I d-don't know w-why this h-happens b-but I f-fucking wish it d-didn't. I-I would h-have been g-gone f-for good a-about 2 y-years ago." Dan suddenly erupts into tears and I take him into my arms, letting him cry into my shoulder. After a minute or so, he lifts his head again and moves away from me slightly, clearly feeling awkward and embarrassed.

"M-My f-family. From m-my past lives. T-They're still o-out t-there, Phil. I-I died a-at 18 i-in b-both lives. T-They s-should still be a-alive. I-I want t-to see t-them a-again but I have n-no clue w-where they a-are o-or w-what t-they even look like n-now. I-It's been 16 y-years after m-my second l-life a-and 24 y-years since m-my f-first." He starts crying again and I stand up from the stool, sit on the bed next to him and hold him, simply just supporting him.

* * *

Kai's POV

I look at my watch to see it's just gone 9:30 pm and I quickly wander over to Dan again, sighing in relief to see that he's asleep. Quietly, I walk over to the foot of his bed and close my eyes.

"You promised me." I find myself muttering. "You promised me you wouldn't do this again. You remember what you told me?" A single tear rolls down my cheek. "You told me brothers don't lie to each other. You lied to me, didn't you." I pause. "I don't get it Dan. I don't know why you want to do this and it worries me. I just want to help you but you won't let me." The tears start coming faster. "I want to keep you alive and want to make sure you want to be alive. That I'm not forcing you." Shakily, I sigh a long sigh. "You shouldn't make promises you can't keep." I wipe my tears away and walk out, looking back at my brother's sleeping body with his bandaged arms one more time before speeding down the halls to find Phil.

* * *

Dan's POV

It had been one day since I left the hospital and I made sure to wear long sleeves over my bandaged arms to hide them from mum, despite the hot weather. Me and Phil are on our way home from a usually boring day at school, just walking in a some-what comfortable silence until Phil breaks it.

"I'm worried."

I tilt my head and look over at him, confusion clearly flooding my face.

"I'm worried about you, Dan. You've tried to take your own life 6 times now and I don't know why. I just want to help you." Phil sighs, his eyes on his feet. "You don't deserve to live like this. I don't know what's wrong but if it's bad enough to make you want to commit suicide? Especially after you know it won't work. It's not ok and I want to help you get better." He finally looks up into my eyes and gives me a sad smile. "To help you feel happy again." This time, I look at the ground and wring my hands in front of me.

"And h-how do y-you p-plan on d-doing that?" I mutter, secretly hoping that Phil knows what he can do but my hopes drop again when he hesitates to answer.

"I... I don't know Dan. I honestly don't know." My face falls into a frown when he says this. Suddenly, though, he stops and puts a hand on my shoulder, causing me to stop and face him. "Just give me one last chance to prove to you that your live is worth living and that you can be happy again." He locks eye contact with me, his deep, sparkling blue eyes starting to gloss over with tears, just like my own. I sigh and close my eyes briefly before opening them again, regaining eye contact and replying.

"O-One last c-chance."