[ON HOLD] One Last Chance - Phan

Chapter 9

Trigger warning: suicide

Phil's POV

Dan wasn't in school the following day. Or the day after. He didn't respond to any of my texts. I started getting really worried.

I kept my head down at school, not interacting with anyone outside of our friend group. Even then, I didn't socialise that much, only speaking when spoken to. Everyone was curious why the ever-happy, sunshiney Phil Lester had suddenly shut himself away and seemed... sad.

Not even my friends could make a guess. Only Waverly knew and she vowed to keep her mouth shut about it.

It wasn't until Dan hadn't been in for 2 days without an explanation that I decided to see for myself.

After school, I walk as fast as I can past my house to Dan's, not really caring if my parents or brother saw me. It only takes me a few minutes to get to Dan's house and when I do, I can feel all the nerves suddenly attack me as I reach forward to knock on the door. I wait for a few seconds before the door is answered by Kai.

"Hey Kai, is Dan in?" I ask him, giving him a smile to hide my fear of what his answer could possibly be.

"I'm guessing so," Kai shrugs, opening the door wider and stepping aside so I can walk in. "He's probably in his bedroom, go jump scare him for me." he smirks as he says the last part. I laugh and nod in reply, telling him thanks before lightly placing my bag near the door where Dan and Kai's bags are, slipping my shoes off next to it and making my way up the stairs.

I go to knock on Dan's bedroom door, but quickly realise it's already open. Something's off.

Slowly, I push Dan's door open a bit more and poke my head round to see no one.

That's when I hear it. A muffled cry coming from the bathroom that fades out a second after I notice it.

Rapidly, I whip my body around to face the door and panic quickly fills my brain. It doesn't take me long to get to the door and shove the door open, only for it to hit something on the ground and not being able to move any further, which didn't help as it was only about 2 inches open and I couldn't see anything. After a bit of shoving, the door managed to move whatever was blocking it and it continued to swing open as my whole body seized up, freezing in place.

My eyes stayed glued on Dan's lifeless body in front of me, lying in a pool of his own blood. Two massive gashes are on the underside of his wrists, made by the small kitchen knife that lays next to his left hand. His right leg has been pushed into his left by the door. In his right hand lies a folded piece of paper. Shakily, I reach out a hand to take it and unfold it with care, trying my best to avoid the splatters of blood. It only has one sentence in the centre.

Keep your eyes on me

That's when I loose it.

My breathing becomes more and more rapid and eventually I'm struggling to breathe full stop. Tears come to my eyes but I fight them back as I slowly back away to shut the door and race downstairs.

Kai notices my panicked and somewhat traumatized state.

"Phil? You ok? What happened?" he asks me and I struggle to get out an answer.

"I-It's Dan... he, um..." I gesture to my left arm with my right, dragging my right hand down to show where Dan had cut himself to bleed out. The tears threaten to spill and I have to clasp my hand to my mouth to muffle a strangled sob. Kai's face falls and he nods once, to say he understands. How many times has this happened for him to get me?

"I'll call 999, you go check on Dan. He may still be alive." Kai keeps a straight face, but his eyes look sad, hurt, worried, tired and just... sick. I don't blame him. He's clearly had to go through this before, which worries me even more. I quickly nod and go back upstairs to the bathroom.

It takes me so much longer to climb the stairs and reach the bathroom at the end of the hall this time, knowing what I'll face. I take a shaky breath before opening the door. When I do, my eyes widen and my body freezes again. It takes me a few seconds to find the strength to speak, but when I do, all I can only shout for Kai.

"Kai!" I turn away from the bathroom, keeping the door open this time. "Kai!" He comes running up the stairs, phone to ear.

"What?" he whispers, barely audible. I only gesture slightly for him to come forward, towards the bathroom. He gulps before slowly making his way next to me. When he does, he lowers the phone from his ear slightly. In front of us, instead of Dan's cut, bloodied body like there was not even 1 minute ago, there's just a large patch of his blood. He's gone.

I'm going insane.

"What... Where is he? Was he in here?" I nod rapidly in response, feeling like Kai's younger sibling in my state of terror and shock and his mature manner. "Where is he then?"

"I-I don't know..." I slowly respond, looking at my hands, which are now shaking violently.

Suddenly, I hear movement coming from... Dan's room?

Kai obviously doesn't hear it, as he makes no movement or comment suggesting that he did. He makes his way downstairs to deal with the person on the other side of the phone line and once he has, I dash over to Dan's room and slowly push the door open. My eyes fill with tears again as I see Dan sprawled out over his bed, his arms still cut and red with blood, but his clothes are no longer stained and neither is his hair. I quickly take the time to notice Dan's black line on the underside of his left wrist for the first time. While the outside of it was bold and solid black, the centre was faded, a very tiny line of white in the very middle. I've never seen one like that before. I don't have the time nor energy to feel confused about how he got there. I'm just hoping and wishing he's still alive.

Hurriedly, I go to Dan and crouch down, shaking his shoulders in desperation to see him alive.

"Dan," I try to shout, but it comes out quieter than I hope for as tears start rolling down my cheeks. "Dan, please, for the love of God, please wake up."

That's when he stirs and slowly opens his eyes.

"Ph-Phil?"

A smile breaks out on my face and the tears fall faster, but this time from happiness. I bring him into a quick, tight hug, making sure I avoid his arms before walking to the door as I wipe the last tears away and shouting down.

"Kai! He's up here!" I hear Kai mutter 'What the hell?' before shouting back up.

"Ok, the ambulance is on its way!"

Sighing with relief, I whirl around to see Dan silently crying into his hands and my face floods with sadness. Slowly, I walk to Dan and sit on the bed next to him, embracing him as he cries into my shoulder.

A couple minutes pass by until we hear the sound of sirens in front of the house. I stand up and, smiling reassuringly down at him, I offer him my hand which he hesitantly takes. However, he only takes one step before collapsing in my arms, unconscious. I support him as much as I can, avoiding his arms. I hear a man talking to Kai and he asks where the boy that he called about is, so I yell "Up here!"

The rest is a bit of a blur. The paramedic carries the unconscious Dan down into the ambulance and me and Kai timidly follow after identifying ourselves and Dan's brother and friend, the word 'friend' stinging my heart a bit for some reason that I chose to ignore, sitting in the back with Dan and another paramedic, answering all the questions we could about what happened to Dan and why. Kai eventually breaks down into tears after explaining that he'd gone through this before, but how many times before he doesn't say and I don't dare ask.

All while Dan lies on the bed in front of us, the life draining from him and a bit more black turning to white in the line on the underside of his left wrist.