Perilous

Chapter 15

"You make it unbearably hard for me, Amira."

His words kept playing in my head like a lyric from my favorite song. I couldn't block it out, and he was right there in front of me just starring into my eyes with his head tilted a little to the left. He looked at me like the words he just uttered took almost no effort. It was easy to say. Why now? 

My hands were shaking, not out of fear but nervousness. I set them onto of my knees, sliding them up and down trying to calm my nerves. 

"Why are you shaking?" Marshall asked me. I looked at him with no emotion covering my face, though the burning of my cheeks may have given off a different impression. He noticed I wasn't going to speak, so instead, he continued. "Amira I-I don't think you will ever be able to understand why certain things happen. You look at me sometimes with this face of innocence like you want it stripped away from you. Then you look at me with no expression but what's written all within your eyes is that you want me dead" I would never want you dead, Marshall. I thought. "Fuck. Whatever man." He stood up from the chair he was sitting in and walked away to the other wall, his back facing me. 

"I have questions." I blurted out.

His head slightly turned around, "And they are?" he asked. 

"Why do you kill people who are in your way, and why am I one the few alive? what is the actual point in what you are doing? Marshall why do you say and do things that you don't understand yourself? Lastly, how do I make it unbearably hard for you?" Without hesitation I talked to him like he was my best friend. I asked the first few questions that popped into my head and without thought blurted it out like I knew I'd get an answer. I hoped I would.  

His shoulders slouched as he took deep breaths. He raised both arms, clasping his hands behind his head walking back and forth making no eye contact with me. 

"Like I said before, some things you just won't understand. You can't because your different and I'm not the only one who knows that." He said to me. 

What did that mean? 

"Marshall this is what I'm talking about. You confuse me, you communicate things that don't make any sense to me because it isn't enough. I don't know enough." I sighed out. 

He came over back to me grabbing at his head sighing deeply. "God damnit Amira. This is why you make it unbearably hard for me. You want to know things you aren't supposed to know. You want to crawl beneath my skin because you know you have that ability to. I hate you for it. I hate that I'm so fucked up to the point I'm holding back everything I can just so I don't grab you by the chin and take all of you." 

I just looked at him, lost. He looked back with nothing but admiration in his eyes. And I couldn't help but try to walk over to him. 

"Woah there girl, you'll fall." Marshall said to me as I slightly fell towards him. My legs were still tired, my entire body felt weak but I had a feeling some of it had to do with being this close to him again. 

He looked down at me as he held me, his arms tight around my elbows holding me up against his body. He bent his head down to my ear and lightly whispered, "I know you want it just as bad as I do." My eyes closed and I sighed out. My mind sent me to an alternate world where it was only him and I. Where everything wasn't what it is now. But I quickly got out of his trance.