Aiden was my only family left, and I'd gone and gotten him killed. He was a smart, handsome, talented young man with his whole life ahead of him. I loved him so much and it kills me to know that I'm the reason he's dead. I hate myself, all I can think about in my mind right now is his face in that car, the way his face changed to horror in a split second as he saw we were about to crash.
I'm so stupid, if i were paying more attention to the road, instead of the radio, i wouldnt have drove through that red light, and Aiden would still be here. I dont think I can ever forgive myself. I'm still bawling my eyes out. suddenly, i feel strong arms wrap around me.
I open, my eyes and its Niall, he's crying too. "I'm so sorry this is all my fault" he whispers. I cant stand him blaming himself, because i know its my fault. "no niall, please dont say that." I say weakly. "Its all my fault, im the reason hes gone, I'd understand if you hate me, because to be honest, I hate myself too" I sob.
"No!" he says, his voice suddenly firm, "I dont hate you, and don't hate yourself! its not your fault! please dont think like that." he said. I could sense pain in his voice. "ok" i said, even though i knew i could never stop hating myself for what happened. "good." he whispered softly.
Even though I just met this boy, when i was in his arms, I felt like i belonged there, and I felt safe. I closed my eyes and wept until i drifted off to sleep in his arms.
****************************************************
I wake up from my carefree dreams, of the times when Aiden and I were young, playing in the sandbox, arguing over toys. I feel a sense of despair, realizing I will never see him again. I miss him so much, i dont think I'll ever get over it.
I look around, and am disappointed to see that Niall is gone. what did I expect? that he would stay here with me the whole night? he probably has a family waiting for him at home. unlike me. I'm a monster, I'm the reason for my brothers death, of course he would leave. I wish so much that it was me that died in that accident, and not Aiden.
My mouth feels dry, and I'm really thirsty, so I find the button that lets the doctors know I need something, and I press it. About a minute later a nurse walks into my room. "Are you feeling okay do you need anything?" the nurse asks. "Just a glass of water please" I reply, my voice scratchy. "Ok I'll be back in a minute" the nurse says.
A short time later, the nurse comes back with my glass of water. "Here you are love" the nurse says and hands me the glass. "thank you" I reply, and take a sip. "you're..Ciara right?" asks the nurse. "yes, Ciara Walsh, thats me. why?" i ask
"There was a very handsome boy that asked me to give this note to you." she says with a wink, and hands me a folded piece of paper. "um.. thanks" I say confusedly. who would be leaving me a note? I hardly have any girl friends let alone guys. Aiden was mainly who i hung out with most the time. I feel pain lacerate through my heart, just thinking about him. "no problem hun!" the nurse replies and walks out of my room.
After she's gone, I slowly unfold the note, and start to read. it says:
Ciara,
(thats your name right? I heard the doctor say it)
I'm so sorry for your brother's loss, please forgive me I had to leave while you were asleep.
(the doctors kicked me out)
If you need anything, call me, here's my number (555-555-1234) (authors note: haha srry just wrote a random number)
Love, Niall
Reading this note, my spirits lifted just the tiniest bit. It's just so good to know that someone cares about me, even though i know i dont deserve it.
