It's been a week now since the accident, and I've been sent home from the hospital. I have to get around in a wheel chair and its a bit annoying. I have a nurse come check up on me every day to make sure I'm doing well, just until I'm able to get out of the wheelchair, which i guess i appreciate.
Basically all I do every day is, sleep, and cry. I sometimes eat, but only when the nurse makes me. I don't have much of an apetite lately. I don't really feel like i have a purpose for life anymore, Aiden basically was my life. I dont deserve to live life anymore anyways.
The only thing thats keeping me alive, is the thought that Aiden would've wanted me to carry on. "Ring, Ring" my cell phone interrupts my thoughts. thats strange, no one really ever calls me.
I wheel myself over to the counter where my phone is sitting, grab it and answer it. "Hello?" i say. "Hello is this Ms. Ciara Walsh?" says a man's voice on the other end. "Um... yeah.. may I ask whos calling?" I ask.
"This is Colin Blake, I'm calling about your deceased family member, Aiden Walsh" he says. as soon as he mentions Aiden's name, tears start to spill from my eyes."what about him?" I ask trying to keep my voice even, while wiping the tears from my cheeks.
"Were you planning on having a funeral for him?" Colin asks. I'd never even thought about a funeral, I'd been too busy grieving, but of course Aiden has to have a funeral and a proper burial. "Yeah.. of course" i say. "Does he have insurance?" asks Colin.
Since our parents were gone, we really didnt have enough money to pay for insurance, and I was already in debt for my medical bills from the car accident. "Um.. no" i reply. "Well how will you pay for the funeral?" he asks.
I really have no way of paying, but he has to have a funeral! It wouldnt be right if he didnt. Then I remember he had some money he was saving up for college. He wanted to go to Mary Immaculate College (MIC) in Limerick City, to get a degree in teaching.
He will never get to fulfill that dream because of me. More tears come spilling out of my eyes, I cant hold them in any longer. "Ms. Walsh? are you there?" Colin says, interupting my thoughts. "Yes sorry," I say, my voice cracking "I'm gonna have to use his college savings to pay sir."
"OK thank you Ms., I'll have someone call you in a bit, so you can discuss the funeral planning" he says. "OK thanks sir, have a nice day" I say, and hang up. I wheel myself over to the couch, and hoist myself onto it. I cant hold it in any longer and I break down, just full on sobbing.
I miss Aiden so much. Im tired of being alone in this house, with so many memories of him. I need someone here or else I'll go crazy. I calm myself down a bit, and my eyes wander over to the coffee table, where the note with Niall's phone number is sitting.
I've thought about calling him many times, but just couldnt bring myself to do it for some reason. The thought of him makes me nervous, but not in a bad way. I have no idea why.
Now that Aiden is going to have a funeral, it feels like its making his death official, and I just cant bear to be alone anymore. So I reach over to the coffee table, and grab the piece of paper. I take out my phone and dial Niall's number.
The phone rings for a while and I'm about to hang up, but then someone answers the phone. "Hello?" I recognize the voice as Niall's. "Hi.. Niall?" i say. "Sorry who is this?" Niall asks. "Its um.. Ciara, from the hospital." i reply nervously.
"Oh!! Ciara! Hi! what's up?" he asks. I suddenly am at a loss for words I really don't know what to say. what was I supposed to say oh hey Niall I'm lonely and I feel sad because my brother's dead, so could u like come over and make me not lonely??
No thats just stupid. what was i thinking calling him? he probably already doesnt like me because I basically killed my brother! I'm such an idiot!
"Ciara? you still there?" he asks. I don't know why but I just break down. I just cry and cry. "shh Ciara its ok. whats wrong. please dont cry." Niall says sounding worried. "Im so sorry" I sniffle. "Im so so sorry Im so stupid I shouldnt have called."
" No Ciara its fine, really. Do you need anything? Do you want me to come over?" he asks "Yes please." i sniffle and tell him where i live. "Ok ok I'm on my way. please dont cry, it hurts me to know that youre sad" he says. "Ok im sorry. I'll see you.." I say and then hang up.
I feel so pathetic. He probably thinks Im a baby, crying to him and wanting him to come over. what's wrong with me. I dont deserve to have someone as sweet as him in my life. I wouldnt be surprised if he didnt even show up. I wouldnt blame him either.
Authors Note: Sorry this definitely wasnt my best!! I'll try to make my next chapter better :)
