I lay on the couch, convinced that I'm not worth anything, and that Niall definitely is not going to come, when I am surprised by a knock on the door. I manage to get myself into my wheelchair and wheel myself to the door, I open it up and sure enough, its Niall.
The moment he sees me he walks in and surprises me when he leans down and gives me an akward hug, well i guess theres no chance of a non- akward hug, because I am in a wheelchair. "Are you alright love?" he asks "I've been worrying about you all week!"
"You have?" i asked taken aback that he's even been thinking of me. "Of course!" he replies. "I had myself convinced you weren't going to come" I say sheepishly. "Of course I came! I care about you! I know it sounds weird because I barely know you, I guess I just- I dont know.." he says. I cant help but notice that he's blushing.
"I'm so sorry for the whole thing on the phone, I'm such a mess, I dont know what to do with myself." I say regretfully. "Dont be sorry." he says "You've been through so much, no one can expect you to be fine."
After a few seconds of akward silence, I say "Well come in, have a seat, make yourself at home," and wheel myself over to the couch. Niall follows me. I pull myself onto the couch and Niall sits next to me. "So..." Niall says akwardly.
Something about the situation just makes me want to laugh. I try to hold it in, by holding my breath, but Niall glances over at me and sees my cheeks puffed out, and looks at me like I'm crazy. That pushes me over the edge. I burst out laughing, and Niall just stares at me confusedly which makes me laugh harder. Oh my gosh this is so embarrasing!
I'm about to apologize, when Niall joins in and starts laughing with me. about 30 seconds later weve calmed down a bit and are gasping for air. "What was so funny?" Niall asks with a smirk. "I honestly don't know it was just so akward!!" i reply
Niall just shakes his head and grins at me. I grin back, and I don't know, just the way he was looking at me gave me butterflies in my stomach. Good butterflies. "You really are something" Niall says with a laugh.
"So.. is there a reason you wanted me to come? like to talk or something?" Niall asks. my thoughts turn back to Aiden and suddenly the butterflies are replaced with sadness. "Um.. yeah" i say hesitantly. I can tell he can hear the hesitation in my voice, because he says, "It's ok love, you can trust me." he moves closer to me and wraps his arm around my back and puts his hand on mine.
"I promise you can trust me." he whispers in my ear, sending shivers down my spine. For some reason, I know he's telling the truth, and that I can trust him.
I spend the next 20 minutes spilling my guts out to him, telling him about Aiden, about the accident, about how it was all my fault, how I can never forgive myself, about the funeral, about how I was going to have to use Aiden's college savings to pay, and that he was never going to get to go to college because of me. I even told him a little about my parents. He's a great listener, not saying anything, just listening until I'm finished.
As soon as I finish pouring my heart out I burst into tears. he pulls me closer to him and wraps his arms around me. "Shh it's okay baby, don't cry" he whispers while rubbing my back. "it's not your fault it was an accident."
The fact that he's being so sweet to me after all I've done, makes me cry harder. "Please don't blame yourself. I can't stand you blaming yourself." he says lifting my head, making me look him in the eye. "Please" he begs. He looks so fragile, innocent, easily broken.
"ok.." I whisper, only because I don't want him to push me further on the subject. Niall sighs, "But that's just the thing," he says. "I can tell you don't mean it, I can tell you still blame yourself, and it kills me." My eyes start to water agian. "I..I'm sorry.. I can't" I say. I bury my head in his shoulder and start crying again, because I know I've disappointed him.
"Shh no its ok I'm sorry baby I'm sorry." He says. He leans down and kisses the top of my head, and moves his hand in circles on my back. After a while I finally stop crying. I readjust myself so my head is laying in his lap. I close my eyes and just as I'm about to drift off to sleep, I feel Niall wrap his arm around me, and his lips peck my cheek.
I smile, and then hear him whisper, "I wish I could do that while you're awake." at first I'm surprised, but then happiness and warmth spreads through my body, and I drift off to sleep grinning like a fool.
