I wake up the next morning, eyes still puffy, heart still broken. I look at my phone, and i have 9 new texts, and 7 missed calls.
I start looking through my texts.
From: Niall <3
Ciara, please call me back. I don't want us to be over. I love you. please!!
My eyes started tearing up, but I still read the next text.
From: Niall <3
Ciara I love you! Please, lets just talk about this! We can work through it! I dont want you to feel like you're holding me back. You're not!! please Ciara I love you! Without you, I'm nothing.
That's all it takes to push me over the edge. I close my phone, and bury my face in my hands. The tears fall down my face. I so badly want to be with Niall again, but for some reason, I know I can't.
He needs this. He needs to be a singer. Its what he's always wanted, and I know all I will do is hold him back, no matter what he thinks.
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*Months Later*
Over the past months, I have watched Niall grow in his band. My heart still breaks every time I see him, but I have to watch him and support him, or else it wouldn't feel right.
Tonight is the final three acts, and only two will make it to the next round. The final three acts, are a male singer named Matt Cardle, a female singer named Rebecca Ferguson, and Niall's band, which is called One Direction.
Since I have been watching the X Factor, I have learned all the One Direction boys' personalites. There's Harry Styles, the curly haired boy with stunning green eyes. He's a flirt, and also quite cheeky, but he seems like a really sweet guy. Then there's Louis Tomlinson, the dark haired blue eyed boy. He has a tendency to be quite random and make a lot of jokes. He's also pretty energetic. Also, there's Zayn Malik, the dark skinned dark haired boy. He's a pretty funny guy, but I dont know much about him. He seems a bit mysterious. Then there was Liam Payne, the brown haired brown eyed boy. He seemed pretty responsible, and a bit uptight, but he seemed like a really nice guy, and he was pretty funny at times. And then of course, there's Niall. Niall the sweet, caring, adorable, irish boy, who is no longer mine.
I watch the TV, where they are about to declare who got through. the host begins to speak "In no particular order, the first act through to the next stage of the final is" he pauses "Matt!" the croud erupts into cheering. My heart sinks a little, but there's still hope.
"so" the host continues, "One Direction, and Rebecca, one of you has made it into the top two, and one of you has recieved the fewest votes from the public, and is out of the competition.This. Is. It"
My heart almost leaps out of my chest in anticipation and anxiety. "The 2nd act still in the final, is...." he pauses again, and I can barely sit still. "Rebecca!" the host declares. I can see the boys faces change into sadness, and my heart drops. After all Niall has been through to try to fulfill his dream, he had come 3rd, and Simon had made it pretty clear that he was most likely only signing the 1st place winner.
Not being able to watch anymore, I get up, and turn off the TV. Since the show wasn't live, Niall was probably already home by now. I so badly want to call him and ask him to come over, but I couldn't face him after all I'd done to him.
I'd broken his heart. I let go the one thing I loved and cared about. I wasn't worthy of love. I wasn't even worthy of life. I have made a decision. I no longer feel like I deserve to be apart of this world. After tonight, I'll never be a burden to anyone ever again.
I walk out to my garage and grab an old rope, and then walk up to my bedroom. I deserve to die in a painful way. I killed my brother, and broke an amazing boy's heart. I'm a monster.
I grab a stool, walk into my closet, and tie the rope to a beam. I make a hole for my neck to go through. I put the rope around my neck, and grab my phone to text Niall one last time.
To: Niall <3
I'm sorry.. I love you.. Goodbye.
I hit send, and drop my phone to the floor. I'm terrified about what I'm about to do. I know it will be unbearable, but I know I have to do it. I start to cry softly. I kick out the stool from under me, and realize there's no going back now.
It's the most excruciating pain I've ever felt. I can't breath, I'm being choked, and my vision starts to go blurry. Everything is turning dark, and suddenly I hear someone cry out, then everything goes black.
*****************************************************************************
I sit up and rub my eyes. I'm sitting in a place where it's all black except for a glowing light up ahead. The glowing light is slowly coming towards me. It gets closer and closer, and I realize, the glowing light is a person, I can''t quite tell who. It gets close enough so I can distinguish it's face.
It's........ Aiden? yes! It's Aiden! I quickly stand up and start running towards him and calling his name "Aiden!! Aiden!!" I yell happily.
I get closer, and realize he looks upset. I keep running towards him until we are face to face. I give him a hug. "Aiden, I'm so sorry! I've missed you!" I say. "I'm so sorry.. its my fault that you.." I start to say, but then I'm cut off by Aiden "It's ok Ciara its not your fault, it was an accident, don't be sorry." He says. Its so good to hear his voice.
"You look upset." I say to him. "why?" Aiden sighs. "Ciara." he says. "you tried to take your own life, when that boy, Niall, he loves you, and you love him too! so I'm just asking, why?"
"Aiden, I-" I start to say, but am cut off again, Aiden always liked to interrupt, "Nevermind that, What I'm trying to say, is you're getting a second chance. Don't screw it up. Niall loves you. Let him. Can you promise me that?" he asks me.
"What?" I ask him. "What are you talking about? I'm confused!" I tell him. "Just promise me!!" Aiden insists. "Umm... okay? I promise?" I say, still confused. "okay good! goodbye Ciara! You'll see me again someday! Don't forget! Don't mess it up this time! let yourself be loved!" he says, as his image starts to fade.
"What? Aiden?! No!! don't go!" I exclaim, but then he disappears completely, and I'm left alone in the darkness.
My eyes flutter open, and Itake a deep breath. there's alot of pain in my neck. I look around, and realize I'm in a hospital room. My eyes glance over to some chairs at the end of my bed, and see Niall sitting on one of the chairs, eyes closed.
I try to call his name, but a choking gagging noise comes out of my throat. I guess it was loud enough to wake him up, because his eyes shoot open. "Ciara!!" he exclaims, as tears start to fall from his eyes. "I thought I lost you! Please! never do anything like that again! promise me!"
Suddenly, it all starts making sense, what Aiden was trying to tell me, "I promise" my voice manages to rasp out. Niall's face looks relieved, and he doesnt hesitate to lay down beside me, wrap his arms around me, and kiss my forehead and cheeks. "Promise you'll never leave me." he breathes. "ok" I whisper, and let myself melt into his arms.
Author's Note: alot of this might not make sense right now, like how she lived, and how Niall came on the scene, but all will be revealed in the next chapter!! :)
