Aiden grins at me , then looks forward to the road, and I see his face change in a split second from fun, happy, and light hearted, to horrified. then suddenly a hard impact hits the car and I'm flying forward. glass is breaking and there's blood everywhere.
I wake up gasping and sweating from my dream. I was dreaming about the car accident. I remember seeing Aiden's face in my dream and I burst into tears. I'd been having that dream every night for about a week now, and I hadn't told anyone about it. Not even Niall.
I look at the clock, its 8 am. Niall is supposed to come over in about an hour. I wipe the tears from my cheeks and go to take a warm bath to calm myself down. I fill the tub with warm water, strip off, then get in. I think about my dream and tears fall from my eyes into the bathwater.
I just sit there and cry, for I don't know how long. I look up and see that its already 8:40. I wipe the tears of my cheeks, get up, wrap myself in a towel, and drain the bathwater. I think of Aiden and the tears keep rolling down my cheeks. The hardest part is that I know that its my fault that Aiden is gone, and that it should've been me that died instead of him.
I feel so guilty that Niall loves me, and I know he deserves so much better, but I love him too much and I'm too selfish to let him go. I glance over and see my razor, resting on the side of the bathtub. I reach over and grab it. I sit down on the side of the tub, and take a blade out of the razor.
I start to cry as I move the blade down towards my wrist. This one is for killing Aiden I think to myself as I cut my wrist along the vein. Blood gushes out, and the pain is terrible, but I know I deserve it. I start to cry harder. I make another cut. This one is for being selfish I think to myself.
More blood comes and it hurts so badly. "Ciara where are you?" I hear Niall's voice close by, remembering I gave him a spare key to my house. I look up at the clock, its 9:00. I curse under my breath and reach for a rag to clean up the blood.
"Ciara! where are you? are you okay??" he calls, bursting into the bathroom. He sees me with the razor blad in my hand, blood trickling from my wrist. He gasps, runs over to me, and takes the blade from me. "Why Ciara?" he asks, his voice shaking. then he starts to cry.
I can't bear that I made him cry. "I'm sorry" I whisper. "I'm so sorry." Niall continues to cry, and to see him cry was heartbreaking, so I start crying too. "Ciara I love you and it hurts me that you're doing this to yourself!" he cries. "Why are you doing this?" he asks.
"I dont know, I just feel like.. It's my fault that Aiden's gone! and.. you deserve so much better than me!' I say, my voice trembling. "Ciara I love you, and its not your fault! you're an amazing girl, and you deserve whatever you want! You've gone through so many things that nobody ever deserves, and you are an amazing, strong person. please I'm begging you! never ever try to hurt yourself again!" Niall says, pulling me into a hug.
"I love you Niall, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I whisper. "Ok lets get you cleaned up." he says, grabbing the rag, getting it wet, and dabbing the blood off my wrists. He cleans my wound and the bathtub, where the blood dripped onto, and then he bandages my wrist, and kisses it.
"Ok maybe you should get dressed now.." he says blushing. I look down and realize, I'm still wearing only a towel. I blush "yeah.. sorry" I say and hurry into my bedroom. I change into some sweatpants and a T Shirt, and I brush my hair.
I sigh, and flop down on my bed. My wrist still stings. I feel terrible that I made Niall cry, because he's the sweetest guy ever, and he doesn't deserve to be hurt. I hear a knock on my door. "You can come in" I say. Niall opens the door, and comes over and sits on my bed with me.
He wraps me in a hug. "Ciara.. is there anything that you need to talk about, or tell me about?" he asks. "You can trust me." he says. I sigh. I know I can trust him, but Aiden's death is hard for me to talk about. "Please Ciara. I'm here for you" he says.
I give in and just start spilling my guts out to him. I tell him about my dream, I tell him about how I still blame myself, I tell him about how he deserves better than me but I'm too selfish to let him go. By the time I'm done tears are spilling from my eyes. I bury my head in his shoulder.
"Ciara its not your fault! please don't blame yourself!" he begs me. "I'm sorry.. I just can't. I'm sorry. I fell like I've disappointed you." I sob. "No Ciara.. you could never disappoint me.. I'm sorry, I just love you so much and I cant stand you blaming yourself." Niall whispers.
"I'm sorry" I sniffle. we just sit there, arms wrapped around eachother, and then Niall starts to sing to me.
"You're not alone, together we stand,
I'll be by your side, You know I'll take your hand"
He sings softly. His voice is soothing, and angelic.
When it gets cold, and it feels like the end,
There's no place to go, you know I won't give in, No I won't give in,
Keep Holding On, Cause you know we'll make it through we'll make it through
Just stay strong, Cause you know I'm here for you I'm here for you
There's Nothing you could say, Nothing You could do,
There's no other way when it comes to the truth"
So keep holding on, cause you know we'll make it through we'll make it through.
Him singing to me, makes me feel like everything will be alright. Like when I'm in his arms, I'll be safe from everything.
"So far away, I wish you were here,
Before it's too late this could all disappear
Before the doors close, and it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend, yeah, yeah
Keep holding on, cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong, cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say, Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on, cause you know we'll make it through we'll make it through
Hear me when I say, when I say I believe
nothing's gonna change, Nothing's gonna change Destiny
Whatever's meant to be it will work out perfectly
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
Keep holding on, cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong, Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say, Nothing you could do,
there's no other way when it comes to the truth,
so keep holding on, cause you know we'll make it through we'll make it through"
He finishes singing. "That was beautiful." I breathe. Niall leans in and crashes his lips to mine. he holds me tight and pulls me onto his lap. Our lips move together, in sync, and at this moment, everything is perfect. All worries are forgotten, and its just me and Niall. We pull apart. "I love you so much." he whispers. He leans in again, and our lips meet once more.
I love Niall so much. He makes everything better. I just want to stay with him in this perfect moment, forever in his arms.
