Satin " Stainz " Goulbourne // 16
I stared over all the pitiful sad faces as they wiped their tears and weeped. Pft. A small smile graced my face as I gathered the words that I was so anxious to let out. I was tired of holding it in and now that she's gone I couldn't think of a more perfect time. I glared over at my grandmother's casket and grimaced. I started to speak on the microphone as I made eye contact with my mother.
" It was expected of me to get up here and grovel with gratitude. I won't. I hated her. My grandmother was truly cold hearted. " I earned a few gasps from the pews. I continued as I looked over at my older brother. His face displayed confusion as I glared down at him. This is for us brother.
" I remember when Stokeley, my mother and I fell on hard times. We were homeless and didn't have anywhere to go. She happily let us stay with her but it was absolute hell. You know this church house would be almost empty if most of you knew how she talked about you all. " I started to call out the names of family members that I recall her bad mouthing. I went as far as telling them a few things she had said. I could see my mothers angry expression as she sat shaking in her seat. She should've known better than making me come up here and speak. She knew how I felt about that woman.
" She was so hateful, it was sickening. God will do with her what she deserves. Rest In Peace Baba. " I spoke and started to step down from the podium. My brother was walking towards me and snatched me up by my arm, leading me out the church.
" Ski you know how I felt about he- " I was cut off by a hard slap across the face. It stung but it didn't faze me much. I rubbed my cheek with the back of my hand. I scowled at him as I looked up and saw my reflection in him. We shared the same dark skin, the same brown-pink lips, the same nose and the same lazy eyes. I was him and he was me.
" Stainz I don't give a fuck how you felt about her. You don't EVER disrespect the dead! Especially your fucking grandmother. " he yelled down at me with red eyes. I knew he was hurt about losing her. He didn't care about how she did us but we were two different people and I'm entitled to how I feel.
" Stokes all the shit she put us through? All the shit she did and said to us? Fuck her! I hate her! She was the fucking devil, I hated her! " I yelled with my eyes closed tightly as my fist balled up. I was burning up inside and I didn't know what to do about it. It was scary that I could say all that but it was what it was.
" I don't give a fuck if she sold us to a white man named Massa3000 and bought us back for $1.87, disrespect my big momma again and you gone have to see me Stainz. On god. " he pointed his finger in my face, shook his head and went back inside. My chest heaved as I felt something building up in me. They were all so fucking forgiving. I was so tired of hearing my mother say, " That's still my mother and she's still your grandmother. " Fuck that, it was bullshit and it was wrong. What type of parent teaches their child to allow bullying only because of blood relations? Mine.
I huffed and made my way to my car. I was going home. Getting away from this. I couldn't fake the funk for anybody, even my own grams. It wasn't in me. As I made it home I noticed Jahseh's car was home. Of course it would be, he said he would be waiting for us after the funeral. I went inside and found him laying on the couch scrolling on his phone. His head shot up as I closed the door behind me. He looked confused.
" The funerals over already? Where's Ski? " he asked sitting up and locking his phone. My eye twitched at the mention of his name. If he thought he wasn't going to have to see me for slapping me he was wrong.
