I Wish That Boy Was Mine: An Ironic Harmione Fanfic

Visions

~Hermione's P.O.V~

    That night, I slept like a baby. Wait, no, babies don't sleep very well. So I slept like Ron, which is to say it was restful. I didn't snore as much as Ron does, though. Not that I would know, Harry just complains about it a lot.
I was enjoying a particularly delightful dream, involving me, kittens, and Ron's death. Suddenly, I was in the transfiguration classroom. Confused, I looked around and realized I was viewing a scene in third person. For there, a few feet from me, was me. I mean, dream me. Wait. But I was in the dream. What?
Anyway, I was sitting by Harry. Somehow, he looked even hotter in the dream, if that was even possible. I was about to see if I could stroke his hair in the dream when Ron busted through the door. He was wearing a pink bikini, but for some reason no one in the classroom mentioned it.
"I have seen the truth," he said in a voice that reminded me of Benedict Cumberbatch. All heads in the room turned to look at him.
He pointed to Dream Me and Dream Harry. "They are dating, behind my sister's back!"
There were gasps. Dream Me fainted into Dream Harry's arms. Ugh. I would never do that in real life. I mean, maybe, if it meant falling into Harry's arms.
Ginny rolled out of the closet. "WHHHHuUuUuUuT?" She said, her ugly showing. "I should sue you, Harold Putter!"
Then Brad Pitt flew in on angel wings and punched me in the face, and in that moment, I knew I had to tell Harry to tell Ron to tell Ginny.
I woke with a start.

~Harry's P.O.V.~

    Breakfast would have been scandalous, but Hermione wasn't there. She had probably slept in too late, fantasizing about me. Once transfiguration had started, though, she ran in quickly, a bagel in her mouth.
"Sorry I'm late!" She said with an almost stage-like whisper.
"Hermione, SHUT UP!" Ron wasn't in the mood to play around that day. Our lesson that day was something insignificant to the life of a survivor-of-death, but whatever. After we had gotten started, Hermione looked like she wanted to say something to me.
"Harry, I have to talk to you." I put my finger to her mouth. "Hermione, not now. My GIRLFRIEND GINNY wants to say something." Hermione had forgotten, the silly goose.
"Urmmm, yeah. Guys, isn't it weird that we haven't seen Dra-"
Suddenly, the doors of the transfiguration room slammed open, revealing someone with blinding bleach blonde hair and a complexion that looked similar to a solo cup.
"I'M BACK!"
Professor McGonagall had a look of shock and horror on her face .
"Mr. Malfoy!"
The sunburn that masked his face went around his eyes, as if he had been wearing sunglasses of some kind, and he was wearing a shirt with a flag, and under it said "Puerto Rico". "Mr. Malfoy, why have you not been attending class?!" He laughed, which sent shivers down my spine. "I've been in Puerto Rico, duh!" He turned around, and while he did, I realized he had tried an accent similar to Jamaican, but it was NOT good or accurate. Draco plopped himself down at our table, and made an extremely loud sound, similar to a goat, or a dying infant. "Potter. Weasley. Weasley two. Muggle whose name I forgot."
How intrusive.
"Uh, Draco?" Ginny tried to crack his shell of obnoxiousness.
"Hush, hush. Now, do you like my tan?" His self-proclaimed "tan" was not as much of a tan, as it was a warning from the sun it was going to make him regret stepping outside. "I got it in Puerto Rico. Did I tell you I-" He must have realized his horrible "accent" was missing, as he reverted back to it after his pause. "Well, I have to go, I gotta talk to McGonagall about my schedule. Maybe give her some money so I don't get in trouble. I'll see you guys later!" The way he acted like we were friends now disgusted me.

    After class, Hermione pulled me aside. "Harry, I had the weirdest dream last night, I-"
"OHH, I TOTALLY KNOW about weird dreams! One time I had this one where I-"
"Harry, please. I had a dream that Ron found out about us, and it was horrible. Harry, you have to tell Ron and Ginny." She looked suuuuuuuper stressed out, which was NOT a good color on her. "Hermione, relax. If it worries you this much, we can tell them at lunch. In front of everyone. Okay, sweets, now we MUST go to potions." She grabbed my hand, which was once again sweaty, and walked across the corridor with me.

A/N: Thanks so much for getting us to number 549 on the Harry Potter FanFic tag. K toodles.