I Wish That Boy Was Mine: An Ironic Harmione Fanfic

Renewal

~Harry's P.O.V.~

Life was good. I had the girl I had wanted since, like, two weeks before. Ginny hated me, but whatever, it's fine.
We hadn't talked since we broke up. I couldn't give two rats' patooties. I no longer cared for that red headed red head, so there was no reason to talk.
One day, Ron came up to me.
"What up, Ron, my main enchilada?"
"Hey Harry, Ginny wants me to give out these," Ron said. He then proceeded to load my arms with pictures of me.
I gasped. "She doesn't want these anymore?" I felt betrayed.
"Yeah, I guess not." Then Ron trotted off, farting with every step.
I was shocked and offended. I called my new best fam girl boo, Hermione.
"Hey girl. You looking extra spicy today."
"Omg, Harry, stop," she said, giggling in a way I could never be attracted to but I dated her anyway.
"I need you to talk to that gross person, I think she's related to Ron," I told her.
"Tell her I am offended that she doesn't want pictures with my beautiful face on it."
She sighed. "Can't you two just make up?"
I gasped. "Make up? That sounds dangerously close to make out! And I'm not going to do that with her."
"You know what I mean."
"No I don't."
"Ugghg. Make up means you apologize to each other and get over your argument."
"Apooligisse? What's that."
Hermione glared at me. Then she whipped her hair around (which is very hard to do considering how frizzy it is) and stalked off.
I would never understand girls. The audacity of the thought of saying sorry to Ginny.

~Hermione's P.O.V.~

Ugh. Harry was so annoying sometimes. But I still thought his stupidity was cute, so I wasn't going to break up with him.
I saw -what was his name again? Rob?- walking down the hallway. I grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into a closet.
"Woah, Hermione, at least warn me before you want to make out."
"Shut up Roy-"
"-Ron."
"Whatever. I need your help. Harry and Ginny are driving me up the wall. Don't you feel the same way?"
Rick blinked. "Uh, no, but it's certainly annoying."
I growled. "Right. Well, we need a plan."
Randy smiled evilly. "I have an idea."

~Harry's P.O.V.~

As I sat brushing my hair for the 18th time that morning, my babe, my queen, my scum between my toes, Hermione, approached me with a look of admiration in her teeth.
"Hey boo," she said, stroking my hair.
"Babe I just brushed that," I said.
"Lol, sorry. Anyway, I have a little surprise for you."
I squealed. I do love a good surprise.
"I need you to go to that empty classroom by the girls bathroom. You know, the one that smells like farts? Right, go to that one, sit with your back turned to the door, then wait until you hear the click of the lock. Then you'll get your surprise."
That sounded good to me. I followed Hermy's instructions and went to the classroom which did indeed smell of that slightly sweet, tangy scent of intestinal gas.
I waited until I heard the telltale click of a door locking. Wait. Did it lock from the inside or the outside?
I turned and gasped. "Gasp!"
It was mine enemy. Ginny.
I glared at her. "You're the surprise?"
Ginny frowned. "Surprise?"
I gasped again. "Gasp!"
My dearest had lied to me. This was no surprise. It was a trap to uhpawlehjise to Ginny.
"Ron told me there were free tacos in here. What's really going on?"
I grimaced. "I think... I think Hermione wants us to... talk out our eemoshins."
Ginny gave me an ugly face. "WhAt?"
"Yes. But I'm not going to." And I rushed to the door, ready to wrench it open.
But of course, it was locked.
"UUHHG!" I uhged.
Ginny said a nasty word. It was darn.
"Fine. If we have to be locked in here until we make amends, then so be it. I'll start," she said.
I rolled my gorgeous eyes.
"Ok. Harry, you hurt me. I thought we had something, but of course you wanted the smart, funny, popular girl instead of me. I'll admit, I reacted a little more harsh than I should have, but you broke my heart."
I felt sort of awkward. "Uh, I guess I don't like your sense of style."
Ginny sobbed. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry that we couldn't make it work. I'm sorry I was a jerk. I just want to be friends."
Ick. Emotions. But I suppose I had to supply.
"Um, ok well I'm sorry I'm so fabulous."
Ginny smiled. "I'll accept that."
We went in for a friendly hug. And we forgave each other. And I felt this warm feeling that for the first time I didn't think was due to food.

A/N: Wowee it's been a while. Sorry for that. And sorry for the weird mishap with the last chapter. But we're working on our efficiency. Thanks for your support, patience, and other fun stuff. Toodles!