My Honest Book Reviews [CLOSED]

Mine

Cover: 6/10

Genre: Mystery/Thriller

Rating: PG-13

Chapters Read: 1

Summary:

Kidnappings and missing cases had emerged in a small town, namely, Kingstown. Young women have disappeared left and right. The police has been on a desperate search for the abducted girls and leads to a possible suspect. The people of the town had linked the kidnappings and missing cases for the strong likeness of victims. This may be the worst crime that ever shook the once merry town.Gabi Dankworth is on her way back from work when a threatening obstacle came her way. She wouldn't let this halt her, anyway. She isn't perceived to be reckless for nothing.Wendy Grey is an actor on her break; visiting Kingstown to see her family and friends. One of the first news she hears is an unanticipated discovery.

Thoughts:

The grammar isn't bad, which is really all I can say. There aren't many mistakes, and when there are, they aren't terribly important. However, you don't really go the extra mile when it comes to describing certain key scenes in the story, which, of course, is going to mean fewer grammar mistakes. Usually, the problem with most of the books that I review is that they're either excessively descriptive or so damn bland. I wouldn't say this book fits in the latter category, but it is closer to it on the spectrum. You would definitely be doing yourself a favor by adding in more details, at least to the important events in the book.

Note: writing is an opportunity to try out new things and experiment with writing styles. It's also a chance to expand your vocabulary. Don't be afraid to learn new words and incorporate them into your writing. 

I should've mentioned this first, but your summary. It needs fixing. Lack of spaces after periods, extremely weird sentence flow, inconsistent use of the present tense, basically the whole nine yards. Two of those is learned through a quick Google search, and one of those simply requires practice as a writer. If you want to get better at writing, you should take the time to learn all three.

Also, one thing that stood out to me immediately as I started reading was that the book was in the present tense. Why?

Trust me when I say this: you're doing your book and your readers a huge disservice by doing this. What ends up happening is that your writing doesn't read well, and that is a very big no. Like, elephant balls big. So, please edit your book so that this isn't a problem any longer unless you're cool with losing your readers' interest from the get-go. 

Okay, so Gabi. What's up with this chicky? She switches from one topic to the next with little to no transition, no explanation as to why she's thinking about what she's thinking about. For example, this peculiar little detail: she's walking down the street, alone at night, not caring of the possible repercussions. And then, suddenly, the reader's told that there's a kidnapper loose on the streets. So why are these two statements right next to each other, even though they so blatantly conflict? Something's missing, and it's a transition. Between those two sentences, you could write "Maybe that wasn't so smart, considering the town's recent dilemma." Then it would be less off-putting, and more importantly, the reader would understand your writing better. Now, at this point in the chapter, you haven't revealed that Gabi is the town's terror, but even with that transition, it wouldn't contradict the plot twist later on. In fact, you could even add a little to that transition to hint at the twist, which is good, since you don't even have any hints so far.

When it comes to the action in this story, the scenes that should get your heart running and should have you immersed in the writing as much as possible, you fail to deliver. You don't incorporate your character's thoughts enough in order to make the reader feel like they're reading about a living, breathing person in a dangerous situation (even if she's supposed to be the "dangerous" person, the man that she's fighting against could very well seriously hurt her or even kill her). Another thing: there isn't nearly enough explanation for why things are happening at the rate that they are. Why is Gabi holding Fink captive even though Fink made an unplanned decision to stay at her place? She got the text and just decided to abduct Fink as soon as she got home? It really doesn't make sense, and it makes the twist even harder to understand. Obviously, there could be something else going on, like the fact that maybe the cops would find something in Gabi's home that would implicate her, so she couldn't let Fink call 911. But that doesn't explain why she decided to keep Fink against her will when she could've just told her not to call them.

You see all the problems with not explaining enough? It can be just as problematic as being too expressive in your writing, and in this case, it's worse.

Regarding the plot, there really isn't a problem. It seems like an interesting premise, but the execution is always a factor. And in your book, the execution is the problem, not considering the aforementioned plotholes. 

Overall Rating:

⭐⭐/5

Note to hellocheeky

Your book isn't stand-out as it is now. It's not something I would read in my free time, just because of how confusing it is, but that doesn't have to be the case. You seem like you haven't had enough practice writing this genre, so you should take inspiration from other sources of writing. Pick up a book from Amazon or Barnes and Noble, read it, and study it for techniques you can use. Even if you aren't immediately great at it, that doesn't mean you can't eventually get to that point. 

Next Story:

Lupis