My Honest Book Reviews [CLOSED]

Lupis

Cover: 4/10

Genre: Fantasy/Romance/Werewolf

Rating: PG-13

Chapters Read: 1

Summary:

Noah Fremont's life is thrown into a loophole when he wakes up with amnesia. Unable to remember his past, he pushes everyone away until he doesn't trust anyone. Left alone, he clutches onto his only friend.Then he sees a man shift into a wolf in front of his eyes, and his whole world is thrown to chaos. But when he gets kidnapped and returns home, he finds his life taking a new turn.

Thoughts:

Okay, so, first thought: lupis is the name of a disease, isn't it?

Following thought: Dr. House. You know, 'cause it's never lupis? 

Final point: maybe you should change your title?

You should definitely think about that.

Moving on, your summary needs fixing. There are silly grammar mistakes, primarily missing spaces after periods. There's also a wording problem, so definitely work on that.

Your opening paragraph is decent, but the very first sentence is worded in a confusing way. When I read it, I didn't know if "one or another" referred to people, or to the ways in which water can consume peoples' souls. If it's the former, you should rewrite the first sentence to "I find that water has the ability to consume one's soul", and if it's the latter, "I find that water has the ability to consume one's soul in one way or another."

Also, as I said in my previous review, please drop the present tense. It doesn't read well, ever, and it certainly isn't doing you any favors. It really makes for a jarring experience, and needless to say, readers want to enjoy reading a book, not the opposite. 

Four paragraphs in, and I've yet to see any more grammar or wording mistakes. The content itself isn't bad, and if you're trying to appeal to Wattpad users, you're doing a helluva job. But if you're trying to write a decent book, maybe don't go with "fake deep" in your beginning paragraphs? At this point, that would be subjective, but that's just the way it came across to me. The "I become one with everything and one with nothing" bit comes off as pretentious since it means nothing and something at the same time (see what I did there?). Basically, it's vague without necessity. Instead of that, you could write something along the lines of "I feel at one with my surroundings." It's just easier to imagine. Just a thought.

Paragraph six is bothering me. Severely. There are so many ways you could show the reader that Zach is an understanding person and that he and your protagonist have a trusting relationship. First of all, don't say it. The beautiful thing about books is that they progress over time, and so do their characters and their bonds with one another.

After the fifth paragraph, everything I just mentioned starts to seem inconsequential because here comes the dialogue. With every book I review, I usually know by the time the dialogue starts coming. You can write beautiful descriptions of sceneries and chapters of bullshit Tumblr philosophy and still have at least a modicum of my interest. But if you can't write realistic dialogue, that's when you're screwed. Or, at least that's the case for me. If the trending books on Wattpad are any indicator of the interests of this site's users, then they probably won't mind the bad dialogue. 

The dialogue comes off a robotic. It's not natural and it doesn't flow as well as it should. People don't switch from using full words to contractions paragraph to paragraph. Another thing: misspelling words isn't cute, especially in dialogue, so please learn to work on that.

As I read on, I notice another problem: the writing seems strangely impersonal. Even though I'm in the main character's thoughts, I don't really get a feel for his emotions or personality, or even his feelings about certain events. You need to dedicate a paragraph or two every now and then to how the main character feels, or at least incorporate a sentence or two in your paragraphs. I'm already a chapter into your book, and I don't give a shit about or characters. I don't even see myself doing so in the future, were I to continue reading. 

One thing that every author should drill into their heads is that your readers are never obligated to care for your characters. That's something that develops with your writing; readers only care for characters that they find relatable or interesting. If your writing doesn't encourage that development, then don't expect anyone to feel inclined to finish your book. 

Regarding the book's overall plot, I'd definitely say that it's not really interesting by itself. It's been done before, and the way the way you write the summary doesn't sell it very well, at least to me. Please keep in mind that everything I write regarding your plot, characters, etc. is to better the quality of your writing. This won't necessarily mean that you will lose readers since quality and popularity are two different things; one does not always imply the other. However, it's better to have a popular, good book than it is to have a popular, shitty book.

Overall Rating:

⭐⭐/5

Note to KatelynBlackwood

I covered as much as I could about your book without it coming off as redundant or unhelpful, so I hope you feel that my review is adequate. I think that this is one of my longest reviews, and there's definitely a lot I had to say about this book that I hope you take into consideration. 

Your writing isn't terrible, but it could be much better. Also, remember that a summary is supposed to sell your story. If you prefer not to edit your book chapters, at least edit your summary and word it a different way.

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